My Place

Is it here or is it there?

Where shall I lo?

It has never been here nor there –

Can I even glow?

Common I am and plain –

Like all the rest.

It seems average is my bane,

Can I even give it wrest?

If not here nor there –

Perhaps it is then,

My place to fair,

In time, but when?

But average is now, not then.

I must be more,

To be recalled when –

For greatness is my implore!

For I envy the respite,

Of all I see and meet.

Their calm my spite,

Their acceptance my defeat.

I shall be more and surely –

I ought not be leery,

Else my implore is but folly –

To secure my place in history!

To seek it then,

I forsake it now.

To reject it then,

Is to settle now.

For now is not then,

And I am but one.

I need only one den,

For I am alone.

Living now for when,

I am long gone,

Securing my value for when,

My time already spent and done.

Why this gap?

Within my soul,

While my head on lover’s lap,

Why yet not enough for the toll?

So still I race –

In search through time and space.

Will its light grace my face?

Will I ever find my place?

Childish or Coddled?

I read an article the other day where a man explained how his seven year old son had concerns regarding death.  It was a traumatic experience for the man as he viewed his son too young and tender to comprehend the travesty of life.  Although it was a good article regarding how a parent can relate the Plan of Salvation God has for us, I found myself irritated at the naïve view of its author. 

I look at society now and see it is common to marry older, perhaps never and co-habitating with one's parents is not only acceptable but expected!  There is a lot of talk about when a child is "ready" for discussion of adult things - except for sexual promiscuity of course.  We don't expect children to earn places and feel the sting of defeat when they fail.  They are not to be exposed to the reality of how violent this world is or the fact of death.  No, they don't even need to secure a job as it is too difficult for them. 

It is no wonder to me that the rising generation takes so little thought regarding self-sufficiency - they are told since birth to wait until they are older.  This goes against all societal developments - it defies the natural order of things set in place by God.  Teenagers are torn between their natural drive to explore and develop their place in this world and the disappointing treatment they receive from adults that deny them progress. 

This makes them either severely abrasive and prone to even more juvenile decisions or beats them to complacency and they accept that someone in this world has succeeded at their expense and thus they are owed something.

My wife found a great quote some years ago, it goes something like this:

I am not raising my children to be good kids, I am raising them to be good adults.

We have completely lost this view in life.  Every adult my age laments the "good ole days" when they roamed the neighborhood as children, yet they refuse to let their child be denied an award even when the child fails on all metrics.  Or they then decide what is "suitable" for a child and what is not - teaching the child at every turn that he does not have to ever make a choice or be held accountable.  Then, naturally, when the child reaches the age of "man" and still acts as though he need not decide or take accountability for his behaviors - everyone loses their minds. 

Life Expectancy

This made me wonder - what did we expect in times past?  Given that the life expectancy has gone from as young as 22 to the current of around 80 in the past 500 years - it could not have always been this way.

By today's standards, a man at the end of his life expectancy in England during 1558 should still be firmly tied by the apron strings and still avoid "adulting" as much as possible.  This begs to question, how is it possible for society to have subsisted for so long if these ages are so inherently incapable?  Of course, wisdom and temperance is gained with experience - which requires age for us humans, but it does not explain how families were made, children were taught trades, skills and societal expectations with how we treat youth today. 

Family Structure

I know it is common for people to be offended at Mohammed for his marriage to the 6 year old bride, but I wonder how many people realize that this was rather common for the Christian & Jewish cultures as well. 

Juliet in Shakespeare's romance was nearly an old maid and about 13 years old.  Marriages as young as 7 were common - they were to wait to consummate the marriage until after the first menstruation, however. 

With all this in mind, that child this man was concerned about could have been married at his age.  He could have been a father in only 5 or 6 years. 

What about War?

Midshipmen began as young as 8 years old in the British Navy.  Let that sink in for a bit, a child barely in 2nd grade could have been in a position of authority aboard a warship in a time when battles at sea were probably the safest venture the ship entered. 

With the lack of mathematical understandings, ships did not stay aright as they do now; there were no GPS or modern maps to chart by; no weather models to know when a storm would hit; no food chain or understanding how to prevent illnesses such as scurvy; the list goes on and on for the perils they faced. 

Yet, the Royal Navy did this for over a hundred years - rather successfully I might add.  The Royal Navy was a terror to others afloat. 

Summary

I am not advocating we return to such extreme ages for marriage or sexual conduct, but it is important realize the potential of children.  They can comprehend amazing things - they are very adaptable and learn much faster than we adults.  If we take the time to explain things to them, trust that they are budding adults eager and ready to face this world - then I think we will be pleasantly surprised in the results. 

The ultimate age I think we must consider is the age of reasoning God as set - He has informed us that a child is capable of knowing the difference between right & wrong at the age of eight.  That is why we baptize at that age - the child is now accountable for his own decisions. 

I look at my son, who turns 10 this year, and he already does his own laundry; cooks things such as pizza, eggs and soups; and is beginning to learn how to work with electronics and programming.  My daughter is not far behind him in age or in learning. 

Contrast this to the amount of people who have no idea how to cook (the article is in Australia, but for some reason I couldn't find much about cooking in America).  We need to start treating our children like the adults they will become.  This includes entrusting them with duties around the house, allowing them to feel the sting of failure and defeat as well as how to temper the euphoria of success. 

There is no "magical" age where suddenly children are capable of understanding our fallen world - I challenge any adult who claims to understand it fully to be either an idiot or a liar.  Instead of teaching our children to squander their tender years, we ought to have them invest it into their future success and independence. 

Value of Life

I had a captain that taught that we as people should always invite council from those that come from different backgrounds into our trainings as we will always default to what we know when the time counts.  He was introducing his platoon of newly minted lieutenants to the principles of indirect fire. 

Most of us grew up on video games and movies showing that direct fire weapons were used in eliminating the enemy.  While it seems this does happen, the kill ratio proves it is not the most efficient method - in the battle for Fallujah, the US averaged 250,000 rounds fired per insurgent killed. 

There aren't any statistics for it, but the kill ratio for indirect fire is much more efficient.  Essentially, direct fire is used for holding the enemy in place, and then you lob an explosive over their cover.  That is modern warfare tactics in a nutshell. 

The point to this tangent is that most people would not think of such a strategy based on their cultural training from media.  This thought process must be learned and refined through technical knowledge and proficiency training. 

Ironically enough, the Marine Corps trained me in the value of investment more than anything else.  Being a supply officer, I was not in the business of taking life, but of sustaining it.  It was for me to translate the priorities of the unit commander into monetary controls.  I denied good requests that were needed - sometimes urgently - but were not in line with where the unit priorities were. 

Now that I have left the Corps, I continue this training of what I know - I fund what my wife and I care for.  We want to be free from debt and to enjoy family vacations.  As result, we do not eat out much or see movies in the theater - we don't even pay for cable TV.  We keep a car that we own and hate because we own it.  Our house seems to shrink each year, but we are firm with staying put. 

Recently, I have thought about the concept of the life through a financial view.  Each of us has purchased a life and it will cost us death.  We left the eternal realm of Father's to come to this corner of His creations to experience mortality.  It was always to be temporary, so death was the liability levied against our revenue of time. 

What we choose to expense our time on while we are here is up to us.  I know many people that make more money than I do, yet my wife and I seem to have more buying power than them.  We certainly travel more regularly with our children - and soon that travel will include international expeditions.  We have set a list of priorities and goals for our family and spend accordingly.  There is nothing wrong with how other families spend their money, but it proves the point that a focused expenditure can result in spectacular results. 

Back to the view of time, I am not a sports fan.  There are many reasons for it, so I will leave it at that.  I have never been nor will I ever appreciate the hobby of watching sports.  I do enjoy learning, writing and developing my hobbies.  When I published my first book (self published) many exclaimed that they could not understand how I found the time.  The answer is rather easy for me,  I do not know anything about any of the many teams or athletes that those I associate with can rattle off about for hours. 

I have not found some secret method of unlocking more hours in my day, I simply expend them differently.  I can go on about legal precedence and constitutional implications of politics - I can reiterate lessons learned from empires long gone in the next breath.  The names, dates and places slide off my tongue with ease - but I cannot tell you the name of the actor in my favorite TV show.  Often times, I can't even remember the character's name the following day. 

I read a wonderful article the other day from "The Art of Manliness" about how a man achieves maturity.  To sum it up, when a male produces more than he consumes, he has achieved manhood.  If only we as society viewed our time in this way, but instead, we seek pleasure without end - of course this is the end state of Marxism. 

The truth is, one day we will all stand to be judged of how we spent our time here on Earth.  We will have to publicly review our decisions and actions through the lens of eternal impact.  At that day, I wonder how it will feel.  I certainly hope that at that day I shall not be found wanting.  I hope that my actions will have developed power through honor and integrity by the investment of my time into fulfillment of duties and creation of good. 

Entertainment is needed, as is sleep and lulls of productivity.  All of these provide us a rounded view in life and increase our capacity to appreciate success and absorb the stress that comes with it.  The key is that we do the fun things with that intent as opposed to doing the hard things only to enjoy our off time. 

We must accept that the price of our life is death - it is up to us to determine whether or not it is worth the purchase. 

Family Councils

Last year, an apostle guided us to conduct family decisions and planning via "Family Councils".  In addition to the humor in it - reference to an "MP-3" player & "poking" on Facebook - it has slowly distilled upon my mind for the past many months. 

My wife and I have resolved to apply the guidance in our home and initial results have already verified its usefulness.  We have managed to get into a routine of having Family Home Evening (FHE) over the past year or so - this is where one day a week we teach our children aspects of the gospel.  We have done this on Sundays given my client work capitalizes my time Monday evenings - the traditional night for it. 

Scheduling

A few weeks ago, we expanded our FHE to include councils.  We weren't sure what to discuss at first, so we started with scheduling.  Manda got the kids their own hanging calendars and everything - they loved it!  We sit at the table after dinner and review what is coming up first that week and then any major events coming up in the next month. 

A fun result of this is that we are actually starting to plan fun activities when we realize we have a free afternoon or weekend. 

Goal Achievement

We then added goal discussions.  Each of us have listed our New Year Resolutions and we set weekly goals that we track, review and discuss after scheduling.  This has been a great way to show the kids how we can work towards goals.  Sometimes we don't achieve it and that is an opportunity to learn and improve.  Sometimes the goal was wrong - which is also a chance to learn how to set goals. 

As we go through the week, the kids are beginning to learn how to work on their goals.  Our son wants to learn electronics - so he works with a kit we got him that has hardware or he spends time on code.org - a great site that teachings the concepts of programming. 

Our daughter wants to learn how to make bracelets and knit, so she is working with her separate looms and needles.  She finally used an extension to her loom my mother got her late last year and made a new bracelet with small rubber bands.  It was too small, so we talked about how to learn how to make it bigger the following week. 

The kids certainly didn't know how to plan, but I think as we grow this into a habit, we will be able to instill some sense of discipline and self-motivation that will support them throughout their lives. 

Problem Resolution

After the first several counsels, my wife and I discussed how we were tired of our kids either complaining or throwing temper tantrums over chores and school work.  In the past - this has resulted in a punishment we inflict upon them with great prejudice, but we are tiring of that approach.  Not only is it not very enjoyable as a parent - it clearly is not having the desired impacts. 

So, we decided to bring the kids in the conversation and outlined our frustrations with them.  They were very timid at first with it, not really sure what to do.  We discussed a holistic reward & punishment option and they had some great input.  The following Monday, Manda started the school day with a small discussion of what all had to be completed.  They came up with their own timelines for school & chores and what the consequences of achieving or missing the timelines. 

That day resulted in our son playing the Xbox before dinner - something he has not been able to do for months.  Our daughter drug her feet a bit, but she finished her work about 15 minutes behind him - something that had not happened for months either. 

We are at the genesis of this, but I have high hopes for the sustained results!

Executive Counsel

My wife and I have had what Elder Ballard referred to as "Executive Counsels" - a fancy way of saying husband and wife reviewing status of the relationship, family and household - for much of our marriage, if not regularly.  They began as a necessity given our dire financial situation in college.  We started to budget then and they have been a semi-regular meeting since then. 

We have stringent goals for our lives - being debt free before our oldest leaves home, visiting each continent as well before he leaves.  I take it further with my desire to be a millionaire - but that is by the time I'm 50 so a bit longer of a timeline...  All of these require diligent use of funds.  Some activities would be great but would take away from the greater goal. 

By us meeting more regularly to discuss more than finances, however, we are discussing each child and what we need to do for that child's development.  For example, we are discussing how we can improve the spirit in our home with the entertainment we let in and participate with. 

Summary

Counsels are truly the way God would have us lead.  He taught us with His perfect example in counseling with the Gods before the developed this Earth and The Plan of Salvation.  They provide the ability for each member of the counsel to engage stewardship and accountability.  All grow together.  Such loving guidance, I am grateful for the lesson Elder Ballard taught and I look forward to adding to my list of why I think counsels are great for the family. 

Money & Stewardship

I often hear people proclaim that "money is the root of all evil" and there is quite the sentiment in the American culture now to despise those who have acquired wealth.  It is odd to me, people will flock to listen to a comedian or actor that makes millions upon millions each year to insult a man that has built a company that employs thousands of people and then pays himself a few million each year.  It is non-sensical to say the least. 

It also imposes a degree of discomfort for me as I am unashamedly seeking to become a millionaire in the next 2 decades.  My intent is to become free.  Free to do with my life as I see fit.  Currently, I am enslaved by my mortgage and car payments.  Further more, my employer dictates between 40 and 50 hours of my week - but beyond the hours, my option in where I live, when I travel or how I spend the remaining hours of my days, and so on are controlled. 

I am clearly not unique in this, but that does not mean I am satisfied with it.  My whole life I have watched my parents and those I have associated with trade their time for money - and never have enough to retire.  My generation has no chance of a retirement in the traditional sense.  Pensions are a thing of the past thanks to uncontrolled inflation and regulatory costs such as healthcare.  IRAs are a joke unless you make over 6 figures for 4 or 5 decades and open several IRAs. 

The question must be asked then - if money is the root of all evil, why does everyone trade their most valuable resource (time) for it? 

My wife and I hit several significant markers last year - we celebrated 10 years of marriage and realized that our son had already lived half of the years he will be living with us.  This year, he has fewer years at home than he has lived.  It has jolted me to the core to realize that my children are marching at the steady rate of time out of my home. 

I now consider things such as, how can I maximize my earnings from work - so that my wife and I can retire - but without sacrificing time with my children?  As I notice my son maturing, however, I also consider things such as - what should I encourage him to do so that he will do better than me?

Something I am currently seeking to impress upon my son to become, and what my daughter ought to seek in a husband, is a man unafraid of success.  To have a clear conscious in accomplishments.  I have seen truly impoverished places in this world that are wrenching on the soul - but that does not mean I must live in squander. 

To be even more clear, I can have no influence or impact to alleviate those that suffer if I myself am suffering.  As Christ taught - cleanse the inner vessel first. 

This is where stewardship comes into play.  Money for the sake of money is illogical just as the storage of shovels is.  Why?  Simple, they are both tools - nothing more, nothing less.  But, money for the purpose of establishing security for family and then the ability to influence this world as a force for good - that is stewardship. 

My first duty to my family and society is the same - ensure we are self sufficient.  If we are, then we aid society in that we reduce the demand of support.  If that is all that can be achieved, then stewardship is realized in its infancy. 

Just as a family grows, so must our stewardship.  As the earning power is increased, the dependencies are eradicated until the point more can be supported.  This is where Stewardship is realized - in the expansion of influence. 

It is this I wish to teach my children - work intelligently.  At the beginning of every career, there is an imbalanced trade for money & time.  This is fine if it is for a purpose.  A person cannot start an expert or a leader, these things must be developed with experience.  An employer provides these as part of the compensation, making the lower hourly wage worth it if it builds to something greater. 

A man can still be a steward at the beginning of his career while he is doing the lowly work - he must simply have an understanding how he will increase his independence and one day be able to be truly free from the mindless money for time rat race. 

It will take patience and determination.  It is not easy and there are no shortcuts - but life must be lived with a purpose.  Without purpose, life is not worth the price of death we all pay. 

Agency - is it really Choice?

I find myself going through phases of what I learn and ponder.  Last year, I spent much of it contemplating the concept of "time" from a scriptural stand point.  It was an exciting year of learning - especially for a non-physicist such as myself.  Probably much of what I learned was nothing more than an intro to relativity for those that specialize in such topics.

A few weeks ago, I was reading from the LDS Ensign and found a wonderful article: "With All They Getting, Get Understanding" and it has given me focus on simple things I have previously ignored.  It made me think, with all that I study and review, do I hit pause and look at my basic beliefs?  Truth is, I do not.  I quickly dive into intricate topics, eager to expand my mind - but it has been a while since I have reviewed the foundations of my beliefs. 

For instance - as a Mormon, a very fundamental belief is that we all have "Agency".  If you go anywhere to a LDS service discussing this - you will hear phrases like "free agency is the freedom to choose".  That is certainly supported by the dictionary - but that combination of words is never found in the scriptures. 

With the ease of technology, I was able to search through the use of words in the Scriptures (being Mormon, this means the Bible (Old & New Testament - King James version), The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine & Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price [combination of Joseph Smith's story and a supplement to the books of Moses]).

Usage Review: Choice

In the Scriptures, I found the word "Choice" 48 times.  47 of the uses were the same in that "choice" was the best of options - such as Proverbs 8:10

"Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold."

This usage was not in what a person chooses but rather a reference to the quality of something. 

There was one usage of the word "choice" where it referenced a decision, Acts 15:7, this is where Peter is stating that God decided for the apostles to teach the Gentiles. 

With that in mind, it does not seem God puts much emphasis on the concept of blanket "choice".  The verbiage indicates mainly that there are things that are "choice" in life in that they ought to drive our decisions accordingly. 

This is consistent with Christ's proclamation that He is the way the truth & the light and that there are no other ways back to Father.  Christ is "Choice" as are His teachings, and therefore they ought drive our decisions accordingly. 

Usage Review: Agent

I found the word "Agent[s]" 22 times in the Scriptures.  There were 2 usages of it - many were in Doctrine & Covenants where Joseph Smith was directing the church's finances and representation to be handled via "agents".  In other words, this is the same usage we have for it now - a person who acts on behalf of another. 

The other times were along these lines from Moses 6:56

"And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment."

This is interesting to me, as in 2 Nephi 9:46, it states that we will be forced to exclaim that Christ's judgments are holy:

"Holy, holy are thy judgments, O Lord God Almighty—but I know my guilt; I transgressed thy law, and my transgressions are mine; and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery."

It seems that we are to represent ourselves as we will have a "perfect knowledge of all our guilt, and our uncleanness, and our nakedness; and .... have a perfect knowledge of [our] enjoyment, and [our] righteousness, being clothed with purity, yea, even with the robe of righteousness." 2 Nephi 9:14

I get from this that we are to choose what we represent - either good or evil.  There is no buffet from us to choose from, we either emulate Christ or we emulate Satan - but we cannot create something new, we only select which of the two options we wish to represent. 

Usage Review: Agency

This word was rarely used, I only found it 6 times.  I think the easiest way to show the context for its usage is in this verse, D&C 101:78

"That every man may act in doctrine and principle pertaining to futurity, according to the moral agency which I have given unto him, that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment."

In essence, the agency we have is the ability to select the morals we will adhere to.  Given that we live in a space and time separate from God - we are sufficiently removed from His presence that we can in arrogance deny it.  But again, this provides us only 2 options, to accept God for who and what He is or reject Him and obey Satan.  This is our choice and ours alone - this is our agency.  Satan cannot force us, therefore we must be accountable to ourselves and to God for what we do. 

Summary

I think Joshua said it best in his book, chapter 24 verse 15

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

As Christ felt momentarily alone on the cross, each of us lives in a spiritual death (separation from God) in this life.  This separation, however painful, is necessary to provide us the ability to represent our true selves.  As God told Joseph Smith in D&C 29:36

"And it came to pass that Adam, being tempted of the devil—for, behold, the devil was before Adam, for he rebelled against me, saying, Give me thine honor, which is my power; and also a third part of the hosts of heaven turned he away from me because of their agency"

Many of God's children were sufficiently brazen to reject Christ in the presence of God.  Most of us were not, but this did not necessarily mean that we in fact desired to follow Christ.  Thus, the separation is a crucial part of God's plan (Alma 12:21):

"[T]here was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead."

This period here on Earth is, therefore, an artificial existence where we have the opportunity to be tried & tested.  The basic question is simple - will we accept or reject our King, Jesus Christ?  We can only represent one or the other and that is our choice. 

Resolutions

My wife and I have often set individual and family resolutions each year.  Generally, we have done well in achieving them but I have never personally written them down to hold myself accountable to them.

Last year, I had the goal of shooting a turkey, a boar & a deer.  I wasn't even able to go turkey hunting and the one deer that was shot on my hunting trip wasn't by me and it died somewhere in the forest and we weren't able to find it as we shot it right at sunset.  Of course, it snowed that night so no chance of finding it in the morning either.

So, here is to a year where I write my goals down and hopefully refer to it throughout the year...

I have two goals: I want to become more self-sufficient and more present with my children.

Self Sufficiency 

There are three parts to this as I have two in my professional pursuits and one hobby that I want to learn and develop this year.

• New Project at work 

Clearly I cannot say too much of this, but essentially I am wanting to help bring new business into the company I work for.  Being a consultant that knows how to manage an account is one thing, but to be a truly successful consultant, you have to have the ability to bring in new business.

I followed a prompting last Fall that has opened the door of opportunity that may lead to me being a key role in doing just this.  If this does come to be, clearly it will be a great addition to my resume and proof of ability to perform at the next level at work.  Both of these bring financial benefits that will assist my wife and I with our stability in the home by paying off debt or funding something more we have interest in.

• Investment Firm 

A friend and a brother-in-law of mine have begun discussing opening our own investment firm.  We don't have much to invest, but by investing in apps and over-sea development options, we can start earning enough to eventually be able to invest in companies here in the US.

This month, we are looking at opening the firm and potentially taking on our first investment.

• Blacksmithing

I have resolved to learn how to conduct my own blacksmithing in creating tools.  I want a hunting knife and I cannot find the simple, functional design I want as most knives are built for fashion over function these days, the few that do meet my requirements are over $100.  There are also several things my wife has that are either wearing out or she is making do without them that I can learn how to create.

With this in mind, I built my anvil on January 2nd and hope to have my forge completed in early January.  I have already collected some iron and brass parts to begin working - my first project will be a set of tongs.

Time with my children

Last year I did not go fishing once.  My son loves fishing and often requested it, but with my client work being predominately at night (my client is in Japan & Australia) I never made the time for it.  He is already 9 years old, half way gone from my home.  My daughter turns 8 this year, quickly approaching the same milestone.

I do not know how long I will live or how often I will be able to see them after this next decade is over.  I do not want to repeat this year.  My wife and I take them out for one-on-one dinners each month, but I want to start playing more games with them, going camping as a family - and spending more quality time with them.

We have already resolved to play games after dinner each Sunday night and share daily chores where we work together instead of just watching shows or movies.  I'm sure it won't occur every day, but as long as it is most of the days, I will be satisfied.  

Feeling Vs Reality

My wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary by going on a cruise to the Caribbean.  It was our first cruise (well, my first cruise not in a rusty Naval ship...) and we really enjoyed it.  The kids enjoyed being spoiled with the grandparents for a week as well, I'm sure we were not even a passing thought.

I enjoyed the quiet times afloat while Manda was reading her books I was able to sit and just think.  I would watch people and think about where I wanted my life to go.  Towards the end of the cruise, I realized something about people and how we set ourselves up for failure.  There were many people that felt an incessant need to be barely clothed - some with maintained bodies but many without.  

Regardless of shape or size, I would see people (of both genders) sitting around / in the pool alone but clearly viewing themselves as "sexy" in that moment.  It got me thinking how odd that is - how can a person truly be "sexy" if they are alone or only among strangers?  That can only occur if the view of sexy is something that is selfish and self-serving - the prideful desire to imagine strangers as objects or for a person to demand others view him or her as sexy.

Sexy is not something that we can declare or demand other's accept - it is something that others may describe a person with.  But sex is more than just the orgasmic connection of a man and a woman, it is a union of intimacy - and exposure of oneself and potentially a life-creating endeavor.

If we view "sexy" and the pleasure associated with it as something pertaining to an individual - then we begin to warp the biological and spiritual purpose of the act of sex.

Biological

As a species, humans require the act of sex to exist.  The very definition and driving genetic / biological differences between men and women are rooted in the concept of the family.  Men are stronger, larger and more athletic - this comes from the requirement to protect and provide for their family / community.  Women are smaller, have wider hips, and can produce milk - all things required for nurturing and raising children.

It has been proven that teenage girls that have multiple partners and regular intercourse are at a higher risk of cancer.  With this in mind, we must ask ourselves - was the body even designed for the ability to have promiscuous sex?

Many will argue that the biological development is irrelevant and that sexuality is a choice - not a thing of genetics.  That argument is so illiterate that it is not worth a response, but what ought to be understood is the risk of such behaviors.  For instance, teenagers are often not able to understand what a relationship looks & feels like as they only view it as the fulfillment of personal desire for sexual pleasure.

This change in how we approach relationships from a biological design to a personal preference view increases risk of abuse and transmission of disease.  For instance, 80% of all HIV cases are with homosexual and bisexual men.  These relationships are not in line with the biological purpose of sexual urges, leaving only selfish desires.

Spiritual

Spiritually, our existence extends beyond our mortal life - this is something common to all religions.  In my belief, our life began even before our life, I believe that each of us are spiritual children of God - our Heavenly Father.

In our life before mortality, He designed a plan that enabled us to come to earth, obtain a body and choose our path.  This was heavily focused on the family unit as our relationships will extend into the next life if we are married in accordance with His guidance.  Families are also crucial as children require a loving support structure as they develop into adulthood.

This requires the balance of both male and female input - the structure and nurture both provide are crucial to all children.  Gender did not begin at birth and it will not end at death.

What we have now

With the advent of these alternate lifestyles and things such as pornography - the pleasure of sex is becoming a thing of self-fulfillment.  It is a deviation in from a biological and a spiritual design of it. Sex can be a very fulfilling and unifying act between a man and a woman - this is part of why couples often have sex after arguing - there is an emotional aspect to it.

This view we have nowadays also perverts how we interact with people, we act as if we are desirable to strangers around us when we should be concerned if our spouse is attracted to us.  This requires a maturity beyond what our culture requires, however.

What could be

If we as a society learned that sexual actions were to be contained between a man and a woman, we would see a decrease in abuse, drug usage, sex trafficking, and unhappy families.  Depressions and suicides would be down - so much of life would be at peace.

All of these negative things in life occur when people begin to reject life for what it really is for what they want in life.  These fantasies and delusions create a divide that is emotionally sharp to the individual when reality closes in.  This creates rage, depression & overall feelings of isolation - all of which lead to drug usage and other destructive behaviors that hurt more than just the individual.

Instead of living in a pretend life, we could live in this life with all of its potential.  We have unlimited options for joy and peace as we unite in the manner God designed for man and woman merged in marriage.  

Egos & Politics - Welcome to Oz!

I have to deviate from my normal musings on my blog to address an irritation of mine that is increasing intensely as the election day draws closer.  I tire of the naivety of people and the persistent need they have to separate their feelings from reality.  Namely, there are two options for president this election cycle: Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.  For some reason, people have decided that the two of them are equivalent.  Not sure how that is possible given Hillary has been a key figure in every scandal within D.C. since Watergate where she was fired for ethics and left the Republican party.

People state that Trump is a Nazi, given that Nazi's were socialists that sought government oversight and control - not sure how that works either.  Maybe they are trying to state that he is a white supremacist because he wants to enforce America's sovereignty and is stating the same things that got Bill Clinton a standing ovation in the 90's.  I don't know, because apparently I am a mindless droid without a conscious given I will be voting for Trump.

If I were to adhere to the accusations levied against my fellow Trump voters (whether directly or indirectly) then I am a racist, homophobic, bigot that hates immigration and everything decent in life.  But hey, I've been told that business people are just greedy and the root of all evil in America anyway, so I guess I'm just being consistent!

If only I had a Heart!

I mean, if I had a heart, I could fall for false quotes made before a man was called as a prophet and can't be verified by anyone other than the man claiming he heard it.  For anyone not a Mormon - I am referring to the alleged quote that if you vote for the lesser of the two evils, you are still voting for evil.  This was allegedly stated by one of our prophets before he became a prophet, which means that even if he had stated it - it isn't doctrine.

The statement ignores the logical fallacy, which if true, indicates that there are always 1 good and 1 evil option in each presidential race.  Naturally, I will go to Hell if I cannot discern between the two and don't abstain from voting when there are two evil options running.  Of course, if I had a heart - I could feel out what to do when there are two good options as well...

Then, regardless of outcome, I could feel gleefully well of myself for surrendering my influence regarding who my leader is!  Oh the happy feelings - if only I had a heart...

If only I had a Brain!

If I had a brain, I could concoct a method of securing the presidential office of a democratic republic without the democratic part!  Oh yeah, that would prove elections are not corrupt or rigged at all!  I mean, if some guy with a classified past, no major endorsements or accomplishments wins with most voters not even knowing who he is - it will prove that the "will of the people" has won, right?

I could also realize that accusations of a public figure, weeks before election and years / decades since they occurred, prove his guilt with no need of due process!  Because America, of course!  I mean, people never accuse public figures with ulterior motives...

Of course, Trump may be guilty.  I would be willing to state he has done some morally bad things in his life.  I would also be willing to say that of everyone.  But, since I don't have a brain, I can't figure out that to constitutionally qualify for the presidency, a person must pass a set of religious & moral exams first - because equality.  Only those that are equal understand this principle, which brainless people such as myself complicate things by stating that not everyone thinks like me!

Naturally, if I had a brain, I could also find a way to reason out how my abstinence from main stream candidates had no impact in the election as well.  I mean, with the super delegates voting for Hillary (15% of her delegates already in the bag) and conspiring to throw the vote to the House (not the one right now, the one that will be in effect next year - so no one knows who will actually be there yet) clearly has no impact!

If only I had Courage! 

Only the truly courageous understand that it is brave to stand with what is popular - per the media.  Because, the non-stop barrage of things Trump does is clearly more news-worthy than what Clinton does.  I don't hear anyone talking about Hillary anymore, all I hear is anti-Trump comments.  There is this overall atmosphere where anyone voting for Trump is committing a heinous crime.  Comments expressing the moral high road of not voting for him imply heavily the moral deficiency of people such as myself that will be voting for him.

The statements I have seen against Trump voters are rather obscene and I won't post the examples that come to mind with that statement on my blog.  Regardless, the mentality of disagreeing with Trump for president is not based on political discussions, no, it is based on the debasement of those that support him.  If only I was courageous, I would understand that going with the flow, taking the easy way of stating "Trump is EVIL!!" is much more brave than voting for the best of the two options presented to me.  Because, actually making a choice between the two options is clearly not as brave hitting the "other" button.

I aspire to teach my children that when you face a dilemma that you should start manufacturing alternatives - regardless of viability - so that you can avoid the pressure of stewardship and accountability.  That way they can be courageous and look back in disdain as to when I was on the wrong side of history!

Behind the Curtain:

Ultimately, there are no great and all powerful wizards that will come and eradicate our life's trials.  Even Christ, our Master and Savior, only offers a way through our trials - He will not remove them from us.  What I tire of, is this endless banter of insulting people for their choice in voting.  It seems we have replaced the rameumptom with a voting booth.

One candidate will not make or break this country - but a country full of fractured families and morals will.  Those that rise to the top as options for leadership are a result of what is valued in the country.  Rather than railing on each other, if what we see is that dire, we ought to extend the hand of fellowship to the opposing side, break bread together and seek to understand.

The healing cannot start, however, until we all wake up and realize that we are in this together.  It is more important that we unite as a people than continue to attack others for disagreeing with us.  

Manly Defined, Faithful

Previously, I posted about how "manly" is achieved with Soberness and by being Resolute.  This is the third and final post about how a man becomes sufficiently "manly" in order to fulfill the three P's (Provide, Preside & Protect).

Much of what men are revered for is their ability to fulfill duty - this is because the central purpose of manhood is to care for others.  A man that does not stretch and grow his ability to care for himself, his family and the others in his life is a man without respect.  The unspoken & unwritten expectation of service is missing and therefore the "man" will always be less than desired.

This is why, even if a man is Sober & Resolute, he must still be Faithful.  He must be true to himself, his family and his God.

Faithful to Self

As with all things in manhood - faithfulness begins with the ability to be true to self.  I was working out with my son the other day and I told him to a certain number of bicycle kicks for our abs set.  He finished in about a quarter of the time it ought to have taken him and so when my 2 minutes of misery were up, I asked him how many he had done.  He claimed to have done the requested number, so I took the opportunity to teach him a life lesson.

By him taking the shortcut in a workout, he would not be graded poorly and I wouldn't be able to prove he had cheated.  He could go through the workout with me pretending to exert himself and there would be no penalty.  No addition of chores, no lectures for poor performance, no denial of play time or any other lever my wife and I pull when the kids don't feel like doing their homework.  I explained to him that what would happen, however, is that he would never develop his body.  He would fail to learn how to subject his body to his will and he would not get stronger.

I asked him if he wanted to be strong like me, which he eagerly answered "yes".  That is when I told him that I didn't cheat in my workouts.  I never took a shortcut, I don't walk - I don't let up.  I push myself until I have either reached the predetermined count or the timer goes off.  I don't care if I puke, get dizzy or feel nauseous - my body is subjected to my will.

He thought about it for a minute and then laid down and finished his bicycle kicks.  For the rest of the workout period, he gave his all and produced a good sweat for the first time.  You could see his self confidence grow as he realized he could do more than what he had done in the past.

After that workout, he has been eager to continue exercising with me.  We'll see how long it continues, but he has achieved a key milestone on his way to manhood - being Faithful to himself.

Too often in life we decide to give ourselves a break because we are tired or we think we earned it.  I don't refute the idea of re-charging to ensure you are ready for the stress, but the concept of earning "breaks" is about the dumbest thing I have heard these metrosexual wannabes pretending to be men teach.  A man's goal should not be rest but accomplishment.  Accomplishment requires work and dedication.  If our inner drive is work hard to rest, then we will start cutting corners in our work.

This is the same for everything we have in life - if my goal is not to love and serve my wife, then selfish desires will rule the moments of stress in our marriage - which is a recipe for failure.

Stress has a great way of revealing what really matters, which is why we must know ourselves in advance of the dire moment.  If we are truly Faithful to self, then the review and inventory of desires and progress will provide accurate insight as to how our progression is coming along.

Faithful to Family

All men have families - even if they are not yet married, they come from one.  Many men build bonds of brotherhood as well - this is seen in the military, fire departments and other dangerous professions.  In the absence of these, there are fraternal organizations and other social areas - essentially, men are a social creature.  We value ourselves based on our ability to contribute to those we include in our lives.

All of these are admirable, but the cornerstone should be the emphasis a man places on his family.  Men ought to be focused on marrying and building their family as this is the crowning aspect of the three P's.  A man is faithful to his family while he is single by having the appropriate focus on preparing to care for one.  This should guide how the man dates, works and secures adequate income.

Once married, a man must be faithful to his wife.  This means he does not joke about her in a negative way - the old "ball & chain" or "the boss" terms reveal friction in what is to be the most dear relationship to a man.  Even if there is friction, a public audience is not appropriate.

This also includes his fidelity in thought.  Seeking fantasies and desires of other women - no matter how famous - is unacceptable behavior.  Many crass and loathsome people justify selfish desires for debauchery with select persons - their "hall pass" if you will - but this is not being faithful to your spouse.  A man must be above this and must not accept such behaviors from his wife.

Being faithful to other people includes setting rules of how they may treat you.  Without such clear communication, a man will develop distaste and irritation towards those in his life.  There will be a silent void filled with animosity that the man creates each time he is treated in a way that is inconsistent with what he desires.  This is why a man must clearly state what is expected from those in his life, cowardly silence in martyring of self is beneath manhood.

A man must also be faithful to his children.  This is achieved by his focus towards them - how does he spend his time and money?  Does he expend his scarce resources in the pursuit of individual interests, or does he devote his resources to those that depend on him?  I see many men with new phones and toys but their children are denied vacation time with them as they "cannot afford it".  I have also seen many kids with fancy toys yet lack the valued mentorship a father provides.

If a man is to be faithful to his family - he must invest all that he has in their betterment.  They must be the focus that drives his actions.

Faithful to God

The root word of Faithful is Faith, so it is an easy step to discuss how Faith in and towards God is the crowning aspect of becoming "manly".  Perhaps what is different by what I mean by this is what being Faithful to my Father means to me.  I do not view faith as some flippant emotion like the new age crap that is sold in many churches these days.  Faith in Christ is not some "self-help" guide, it is the stringent submission of will and action to our Savior and to the Father.

God, our Father, loves us not because we are good but because He is good.  He has given us this sacred opportunity to develop and grow ourselves sufficiently to return to His presence.  Naturally, this is beyond our pathetic abilities, so in His wisdom, He provided us a Savior, Jesus Christ.  Our Savior completed all the will of the Father, fulfilling His demands and became our new law giver.  The price of admission is simple - all that we have to give.

All that we have sounds like much to us in a material culture, but it really isn't that much.  Let us not forget that Christ created all that we have under the direction of the Father - there is nothing physical that They do not already own.  The only thing we truly own, is our birthright.  We are heirs of the God of all, with that comes the ability of free will.  The only thing that is ours, is only ours because of our Father and Savior - and it is the price we must pay: our agency.

To be Faithful to God means to bear his name with dignity.  Not as a mindless zealot shrieking at those that disbelieve or disagree, but as Christ did - with Resolute, Soberness.  We must not be ashamed or embarrassed of the actions required by God.  How insulting is it to parents when the children apologize to their friends over what the parents have demanded?  Now imagine how arrogant it is for us to apologize for what God has told us to do.  It is astounding how common place this is.

I see many yearn for life without rules, they find the disobedience of others to be appealing, much like Lot's wife did.  They reveal their intent with their forbidden desires.  To desire sin is to mock God, to apologize for obedience is to patronize Him.  To not seek His guidance and will is willful rebellion.  All of these are beneath a man of God.

For a man to be truly Faithful, he must study himself for broken desires and seek guidance from the Master in how to dismantle them.  Each day must be a sacrament to God in how the man focuses on his duties - ensuring that his wife and children will find faith in his example.

This is the capstone of being "manly" - a Sober mind, Resolutely engaged in being Faithful to self, family and God.  

Manly Defined, Resolute

This is the second post regarding how men become "manly" enough to achieve the three P's: Provide, Preside & Protect.  The three P's are what men do and I am trying to quantify how men become "manly" enough to achieve them.

In my first post about defining what "manly" is, I outlined how a man is of a sober mind.  It seems to be the most reasonable starting point as a man ought to understand how to connect with others.  That begins with the ability to be reasonable and in control of his faculties.

Once that is achieved, a man can change how others depend on him.  To be clear, it is required for a man to be depended upon - it is what we do.  As we Provide, Preside & Protect, we gather others under our umbrella of influence.  Which means it is not manly to be dependent.  Self sufficiency is an obvious milestone on the route to becoming a man.  As a boy grows into adolescence, his father should encourage him adventuring out and building his own kingdom.

If we are to be honest, that is what we men want - our own kingdom.  We want our claim in land and revenues to ensure our influence is felt and matters.  We want to have something for our wife to nurture.  This is part of being Resolute.

Resolute is to be admirably purposeful, determined and unwavering.  I see 4 aspects in which a man must be Resolute in his life: Body, Emotions, Mind & Spirit.

In Body

The most basic area of our life, the physical capsule by which we experience life.  As broken and frail as it is, our bodies are capable of amazing feats.  Historically, cultures had rites of passage for boys to become men - these varied extremely but all tended to revolve around overcoming pain and being physically capable.

Boys that were not capable of enduring pain were not worthy of manhood, likewise with those that were weak and unhealthy.  This goes back to the fulfillment of the three P's.  Whereas I am glad many of the rites are done away with, they prove the point that all societies have viewed a man as someone who had to be in control of their body.  Why, is the question.

To me, it begins with the concept of trust.  I will not take financial advice from a person with no assets, nor will I take shooting advice from someone who has only played Call of Duty.  A man that is Resolute in how he maintains his body shows that he has at least subverted the most basic common denominator we mortals have.  How can you trust someone to Protect you, to Provide for you or to Preside over you - if he has not done those things for himself?

If a man were to disregard his health and lose control of his body - he surrenders his will to the lowest common denominator of all humanity.  That is not a complimentary statement.

A man needs to be looked up to.  This begins with self control - something that cannot be faked.

With Emotions

Life is full of ups and downs.  I remember a key meeting a few years ago I was in as a consultant.  We hit a critical discussion with our client and our leadership stated that if things didn't change, they would end the deal.  The client was very upset and the meeting ended poorly.  Afterwards, I discussed it with my mentor (she was the one that told the client we would end the deal) and I had one question for her: was this normal?

Inside my head, thoughts were whirling around regarding my future employment but my mentor put me at ease by answering my question with a "yes".  The difference between her and I?  She was accustomed to how these type of deals went as opposed to what I was - a Marine Officer trying to figure out what everyone was saying.  In other words, experience.

Our emotions are this way as well.  I recall watching kids in high school listen to soundtracks and their moods would change from song to song.  I thought it pathetic then and I see no reason to change my mind.  With all that happens in life, a man must be Resolute with his emotions if he is to be dependable.

This will bring a calming presence to his sphere of influence - something that is needed at all points in life.  People make far too many stupid decisions because they are on an emotional high or low, they flippantly bounce from one to the other at a rate that makes the decisions seem almost logical.  I have heard many state "it was worth it!" as justification for a wretched choice.

As children develop and grow, they will have many confusing days and nights where they need a Resolute authority figure to anchor themselves to.  This is for the father.  As we live and experience life, we ought to learn how to be Resolute emotionally.  We must be stable and not allow the hiccups of routine occurrences impact our emotional state.  This will provide the security a man's children need, as does his wife and as those he leads in other aspects of life.

In Mind

Perhaps this is more difficult these days, I'm not sure.  True, we have more knowledge at our fingertips than ever before in the human experience, but we also are more easily distracted.  I watch the neighborhood kids cruise around with one hand on their bike / scooter and the other on their phone.

I have no idea what would be so fascinating for a 10 year old that would require such a constant fixation, but I see it all the time.  Same as when I travel - I once saw someone state we had less than a 5 minute wait at an airport and about half the line sat down and pulled out their phones.  It was eerie as it was all in sync.

Regardless of the source of distraction - it is key for a man to withstand them and be Resolute mentally.  As he does this, he will stay focused and enable the application of his knowledge.  He will understand what is going around him, ensuring that his involvement will be productive.

When it is time to learn and study, he will not cede to slothful or playful behaviors, rather, he will apply his intellect in a way that will ensure his mind will be expanded.

When his children discuss concerns with him, he will be focused on them and only them - gaining their confidence in both his attention as well as his ability to respond in the needed way.

Likewise, whenever he is interacting with someone, he will be Resolute mentally and be there with that person.  This action of becoming a reliable and trusted confidante is crucial to fulfilling the three P's.

In Spirit

I have listed these in an ascending order, beginning with the most base and then working through the more complex facets of how a man ought to be Resolute.  In spirit is the capstone to all of these as after a man has become a Resolute individual, he must be Resolute in his acknowledgement of who he serves.

For me, this is Christ.  I cannot claim Him as my Master unless I first gain control of myself.  If I am an unruly person - either physically, emotionally or mentally - how can I offer devotion to anyone?  I cannot be Resolute in my devotion to my God and King, the Savior of my soul, if I am not first at the helm in my life.

As a man develops this control, he can find that inner peace that comes only from the confirming protection of a Master that has accepted him.  How confident he will become as the Master takes him in and gives him comfort and security with his guidance.

Without service to someone greater, then a man devolves to self worship, twisting the three P's into some cruel perversion of what was intended.  With the service to someone greater, the man is elevated in his ability to perform the three P's and will draw other successful people to him.

The building upon a Sober mind with a Resolute man leads to his ability to be Faithful, which will be the next post.

See the first post: Manly Defined, Sober
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful

Manly Defined, Sober

This will be a series of 3 posts outlining the characteristics I define "manly" by.  I have listened to many try to explain this, but it isn't something that is easy to do.  It is much easier to define what men do - this is given to us: Provide, Preside & Protect.  But how does a man become "manly" enough to accomplish these things?

My wife got me thinking about this a few months ago when she outlined what a woman is to our daughter: Courageous, Happy & Kind.  It has really helped our daughter see how off the mark her temper tantrums are as well as numerous other points of obstinance.  What is great about it, is that we are no longer just punishing for something wrong, we are also encouraging what is right.  It is a complete discipline cycle now.

I have struggled with choosing words to use with our son and now that I have chosen the ones I define "manly" with, I still find them difficult to convey to a child.  I am hoping that as I continue refining my view, I will be able to explain them simply enough for my son.

The three defining characteristics of what makes a man "manly" are as follows:

1. Sober - regarding the attitude and outlook in life
2. Resolute - in body, emotions, spirit and mind
3. Faithful - to self, family and God

Defining Sober

First off, it must be acknowledged how pathetic our society now is considering "sober" means simply - free from drug or drink.  To me, that is like saying to prepare for Olympic competitions, I won't eat McDonald's 3 times a day for two years.  Whereas, yes, diet control is a key component in preparing for athletic competitions - something as base as abstaining from steady fast food isn't even worth mentioning to a serious athlete.

To be sober or of sober mind, a man must control his attitude in life.  It must be appropriate for the circumstance in which the man is in and never in excess.  For instance - think of a party and there is that one insecure guy that is just over-the-top in all that he does at the party.  He really lives the party, dude!  To the point, people only laugh because they are laughing at him and his invitations go down equal to the rate he tries to party harder.

Or on the flip side, imagine a funeral where a man collapses and publicly loses control of his faculties.  Some misguided and insecure few may go to comfort him, but the desire of all - and action of most - will be to put distance between them and the man.  Why?  Not because they are selfish, but because the man can't be helped by them.  Someone who has lost control of their inner self cannot be assisted by others.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying oneself at a party or mourning the loss of a loved one, but there are bounds of which the emotions of the time must be limited to.  It is indeed manly to experience all the emotions of the human experience, but only with the appropriate people and in the appropriate circumstance and to the appropriate amount.  To do otherwise is to breed embarrassment, both towards yourself (as you ought to feel shame after you regain control) and in others that are witnessing the behavior.

A great example here - just as my wife and I were dating and things were beginning to look serious, we had a college professor that made a comment about how we would soon be wed.  I stopped holding my wife's hand and hardly talked to her for a day or so.  Why?  Not because it was a horrid option, but because that level of commitment was beyond what I had with my wife at that time.

Think of awkward dating stories where men and women profess love too soon, it is not sober at all.  It is insecure, irrational and void of depth.  When I did propose to my wife, I did so in a sober fashion.  We had just finished watching a movie together and I knelt before her as she sat on the couch and calmly explained to her how I had lived my life in a way to prepare for having a family.  I told her that I had been searching for someone to advance through life with and I wanted it to be her.

She cried, I held her while she gained control and we set a date.  I was not a braggart by calling upon the masses of strangers in a public place to add drama to the special moment.  Instead, I did so in a sober fashion, I was in control of my faculties as I expressed my desires for marriage to my sweetheart.  I gave the proposal the private respect it deserved, an intimate moment between two people in love.

Why is it a "Manly" Characteristic?

When you view a man as someone who Presides in his home and conquers the world to Protect and Provide for his family, you imagine a reputable man.  Someone that others respect and heed his advice - not some flippant man-boy that arrogantly or naively flitters from one emotion to the next.

It is not possible to think well of someone who cannot act appropriately - that type of person generates embarrassment.  A man should be a source of wisdom and comfort, which is rooted in how sober he is - in other words, how capable he is to be reasonable, to be calm and in control of himself.  He must measure his thoughts, words & deeds against the desired impact and choose his actions based on expected consequence.

Think also of the impact this is for the family.  As the husband and father is to Preside over his family - how can they respect him if he cannot first show that self control that is a result of a sober mind?  How can a wife revere her husband as wise if he vacillates on his principles and desires?  Or how can the children have a feeling of security if their father is erratic?  Some days he comes home screaming in anger and others singing in praise - but it is all dependent on the results of something outside of the home (employment, politics, etc.) and their needs are subordinate to their father's irrational swing of emotions.

A man, a true man, must be of sober mind.  When he is, all around him will acknowledge this and treat him as such.

This is also a foundation for the next characteristic - to be Resolute.  You cannot become Resolute until you first have the self awareness to understand the impact of your words and actions.

See the second post: Manly Defined, Resolute
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful 

You da Boss!

"We cannot direct the winds, but we can adjust the sails." -Bertha Calloway

I can't help but laugh when I see people compete for the saddest story award.  Even with my competitive nature, I cede that title as quickly as I can.  It almost seems with the cultural Marxist changes we have in America that it is desirable to have the most pitiful life.  It's like a badge of honor to many people.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  I usually do a good job of at least academically understanding another point of view, but this one I cannot.

I'm not sure where it comes from either - is it the "everyone gets a prize" mentality?  Is it the fact that we treat children so lightly anymore that they don't know how to grow up?  Whatever the causes, I'm sure there are more than just one.

There is a concept of tenacity we have lost in our day of modern convenience.  Technology and the safety net of the welfare state have removed many risks from our lives - to the point where consequence has lost its meaning.

What Once Was:

Before the concept of a free people, before transportation and technology were able to connect a nation - countries were ruled by very few in a select group of families.  Their reach was limited, however, to the number of fields they could control.  Starvation was a very real risk, as were illnesses and injuries we have largely done away with.

The royals protected their family with politics - marriages and loyalties were exchanged for the confidence of support from insurrection, invasion or other common issues.

The common folk had no such abilities.  Rather, they relied on the community as a whole.  Their government did not provide for them, they provided for the government.  Instead, the church or later on the fraternal organizations and guilds were relied upon.  As each man joined a group, he imparted some of his earnings to the community that was dispersed to whomever was in need.  Members that did not pay their dues, were expelled from the support community.

A great lesson is learned from the original colonists.  They were a religious community, intent on being equal in all things.  As such, they adopted communal farming, which nearly lost the colony to starvation.  People no longer worked as much.  The colonies switched to private land and the people thrived.

The actual thing that changed was the accountability.  People had to take charge of their own fate and were only helped after they first helped themselves.  Given the harsh living conditions, a lazy beggar could not be tolerated.  Consider the synergy of that - everyone working to take care of themselves, removing the need and demand for public support.  The only cases that would remain would be the families struck by illness or accident.

What Is Now:

Now, our budget is heavily weighed with welfare type requirements.  See the chart below.

When you add up: Welfare; Health Care; Transportation; & Pensions - you have 53% of the budget.  More than half is consumed by expenses where the government is providing something for the people.

And to be clear, the government does this by taking from people who have it and give it to the people who do not.

Look below at the misguided reality that is feminism - these were right next to each other in a site devoted to making sure women are protected equally.  The first one, makes sense to discuss, but the second one?  The fact that it is even a discussion point shows how dependent we have become in our society.  That, coupled with the fact that it is prioritized at the same level as strangulation, is another disturbing fact.

This obsessive need to be cared for is childish to the extreme.  It is rampant in our society, everywhere from the view of "living wage", the "right to loans with below market risk rates", grades for effort vice performance and so on.  Instead of a synergistic push as a society for self sufficiency, there is a race to dependency.  The winner, of course, is the most victimized.

What Could Be:

But what could be?  We see people that are written off all the time, here are some examples of what the indomitable human spirit can achieve when this public opinion is ignored:

• Man runs after ignoring doctor's advice 
• Medal of Honor recipient that was medically discharged from the Army, he refused it and ended up going back to Vietnam where he then earned the Medal of Honor.  (first few minutes are President Reagan presenting his award, at minutes 9:14 - 12:14 he describes how the Army medically discharged him and he stayed in)
• Children in India teach themselves computer science without teachers

Imagine - how amazing this life would be if we stood on the developments of those before us and sought to better everything in our lives.  There would be no mystery or puzzle beyond our ability to solve, our genetics that are rooted in God would shine and overpower our frail, mortal frames.

It is interesting how we as people always seem to gravitate to someone who will tell us what to do.  I'm not certain if it is something trained in school or if we do it in school because it is natural to us.  It is true, God is not only our Father but also our King.  But, He is a King we do not have to worry about what we are told to do.  We do have to worry about what other people tell us to do, however.  Behind the guise of "helping" us, many seek to enslave us in apathy.  We must learn to push back on this - to embrace our responsibility regarding our life's choices.

There is freedom in this, once we accept that we are accountable for our own choices and thereby their success and failure - we are free to succeed.  If we remit our personal stewardship to circumstance or other people, we acknowledge that we are enslaved by such.  How sad it is that we teach this so broadly in a vain attempt to help children feel better about failure.  We teach them to relinquish freedom for a momentary and pathetic reprieve from the pangs of not being enough.  Wouldn't it be better if we taught the children to overcome this with determination?

Value vs Feeling

There are a few moments in my life that I wish I could erase or time travel back and completely do over.  Of course, I cannot do that.  I can only hope to learn from them and re-focus how I act in the now so that tomorrow I will not be regretting my actions today.

An Example:

One of these poignant moments was when I was a missionary for my church in London, England.  It was a Saturday evening downtown, a group of us missionaries had just finished watching a 2 hour instructional session led by our church leadership.  There was a group of 6 or 8 of us as we left the chapel, feeling great about how we were in England, serving God's children.  We were also enjoying the brief moment of company - usually we were isolated throughout the weeks and would only see the missionary we worked with.

We happily made our way down a crowded street to find a nearby fast food joint to stuff our happy faces with some so-called nourishment.  It was in October so was rather cold and there was the usual London drizzle that night.  Like most large cities, London's sidewalks were covered in scaffolding as buildings changed owners or time periods they represented.  Under one of these ominously dark covers, we walked past a young woman who was wearing a shabby, white night gown.  

Her pretty face was masked in anxious isolation as she sat huddled up against the scaffolding beams clutching her legs.  She trembled in cold and fear.  I paused, looking at her knowing that she was in dire need of help.  Her bare feet were bright red, contrasting her fair English skin.  When she sensed me looking on, she clenched her legs tighter and averted her eyes to the pavement.  What happened next, I wish I could change.  I wish I could change it because I failed her, I failed my God, my Savior, and myself.  What did I do?  I left.  I kept walking the hundred yards or so to the warm, bright scene of cheap and filling food.  

I had just finished an inspiring meeting, feeling close to God and the Holy Ghost as I served my Savoir but when I found an instance to actually live my religion, I did not.  Sure, I promised myself while I was joking with the other missionaries that I would talk to her on the way out, but it was just a thing to make me feel better.  Unsurprisingly, she was gone when we left the restaurant later on.  

I think about that night and I think about how we as people lie to ourselves with how we make faux offers.  President Hinckley, a prophet from my church said it best I think:

"One of the great tragedies we witness almost daily is the tragedy of men of high aim and low achievement. Their motives are noble. Their proclaimed ambition is praiseworthy. Their capacity is great. But their discipline is weak. They succumb to indolence. Appetite robs them of will."

Social Norm Failures:

I often hear people say that because they "tried hard" or that they "meant well" while they explain what went wrong.  It seems there is a disconnect with our ability to recognize truth when it comes to failures.  For instance, how many kids get trophies at events nowadays?  It boils my blood when some sissy hands my son a trophy he didn't earn.  "Participation Awards" are such a slap in the face to me. 

Is that what we are seeking to reward in society - the fact that someone participated?  No expectations of how well they performed, just that they fogged a mirror while there.  This is where what we do does not match what we say.  We tell people to try their best and then reward them regardless of the result of that best.  Imagine any hero - how different would it be if they were not required to overcome something significant in their past?  

We celebrate mediocrity in every facet of life now.  Consider the stupidity of "extra credit" at schools.  I recall in my high school biology course, I could do cross word puzzles for it.  Did I do them?  Of course!  The real question is, did I do the actual work - which the answer is occasionally.  I didn't have to do it, I could do cross word puzzles.  

Don't Forget Politics:

Right now, there is a great example of this separation from action and consequence as the action makes someone "feel good" without actually accomplishing anything.  Last year I had predicted Bernie Sanders would win (I underestimated how corrupt the DNC & Hillary actually are).  To me it was simple, there were too many RNC runners.  I think there were 17, which meant that by primaries, the RNC would be fragmented leaving most of the voters jaded.  This would allow the DNC candidate to pull ahead.

Sure enough, Trump won the bid and now the country is falling apart over it.  The media runs non-stop anti-Trump stories and people by it wholesale.  Of course, the pitiful "3rd Party" options are out in force with the "settle for me!" slogans, but there are a couple problems here:

• There isn't just one "3rd Party" option - there are 2 that will actually make the ballot (who knows the amount beyond that for write-ins)
• The DNC has super delegates that don't have to vote with what the people choose

With both of these facts in mind, you have to ask yourself - how will my vote count the most?  If you vote for an alternate party, it may or may not impact the voting based on whether or not you are RNC or DNC.  The DNC voters won't count when they jump ship.  The RNC voters will and they will take electoral votes from Trump, which only helps Clinton.

The risk here is 1 - 3 Supreme Court Justices.  But because people don't like Trump as a person, they will vote for someone else.  This might make them feel proud of themselves to stand on their moral superiority podium for a bit and defy the heathen Trump, but what the result of this naivety will be is the securing of a Hillary's presidency.  Arguably the most corrupt person ever in American politics.  

In the Family:

A sister-in-law of mine recently posted on Facebook that she had been called an "elitist" because she has secured charter & magnet school spots for many of her children.  I chuckle at this, it is elitist, but not in a negative way.  It is elite in that parents have diligently selected options to ensure their children will succeed.  Much like each military has an elite unit for dire needs - it is their "best foot forward" with them.  How is this bad for parents to do this with their children?

I am confident that if I read this in a couple of decades and think about where my nieces and nephews have landed in life, they will have secured successful positions ins life.  Why am I confident in this?  Simple, this is an excellent example of parents guiding their children to success.

I listen to many parents talk - both in social media and in person - and it is tragic.  There are a high amount of parents that want nothing to do with their children.  Society now views it successful when both parents work because this means each parent is pursuing individual dreams.  You need to take a step back and think about the implications of that to realize how devastating of a reality it is.

Why should anyone in a marriage be pursing a solely "individual" pursuit?  As Christ taught, they twain shall be one flesh - meaning that there is a convergence of two lives into one through the divine institution of marriage.  This requires sacrifice from both the husband and the wife.  So many marriages feel and look like a contractual roommate with sexual benefits.  This is not happiness and certainly not the environment to raise a child.

Now, consider the impacts of pursing individual goals with children.  Kids don't know the fancy terms of emotional abuse or emotionally unavailable parents or so on - but they know how it feels.  They know rather keenly where they fall in a parent's priorities.

By pursuing individual goals, we may accomplish some great things in life - but we will ruin the only amazing thing we own that lives beyond this life.  The difference is perspective.  It may be fun to have perpetual guy or gal nights, living like you are in college and having lots of fun and games.  It may even make you feel good about yourself.  It is, however, irresponsible to ignore the impact of the decision.  The impact is a lonely bed at night and a single plate at the table for all eternity.

In Conclusion

It is important to always review our actions through the lens of results and impact.  If not, we fulfill the age old saying from Saint Bernard of Clairvaux: "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

My Bubble!

I run into this concept all the time and I find it very juvenile of people.  Essentially, each person has a set of lenses through which they see the world - these lenses can come from divine sources, such as the Spirit of Christ, which I believe we are all born with and commonly call a conscious.  Other influences are the religion we adhere to, our family, friends, societal expectations and so on.

The culmination of these lenses build our "paradigm".  In other words, the way that we are predisposed to see the world.  We have a set of axioms that are a part of who we are and are almost incapable of challenging them until we meet someone of a different paradigm.

Is this Bad?

This is not inherently bad, some of these lenses help facilitate our accomplishments - consider the difference in what an expert analyst and a college intern will see when they are handed the same set of information.

This can also be represented if I were to show my Father and a high schooler a math program.  My Father would probably reach for a pencil and paper whereas the high schooler would probably grab his tablet.  Neither approach is wrong, but it is the learned view in life, older generations relied on gained knowledge to solve problems whereas younger generations are more focused on the tools that will solve it.

They can also hinder our abilities, however.  A Captain I trained under in the Marine Corps had a great way of expressing this when he was teaching us to learn how to think of indirect weapon usage as opposed to direct fire weapons.  He taught us that people go to what they know in times of need.  So, if you first learned to count on your toes - you would think in "toes" when you needed to work through a complicated math problem.

In the military, this was presented by people thinking of using their rifle to kill the enemy.  The problem with this is that as a direct fire weapon, the rifle is limited in the ability to have impact on all enemies.  It is, however, incredibly effective at suppressing them to a contained area so that you can then lob indirect fire - either by getting close enough to toss a grenade or leveraging something like mortars - which have a much higher lethality rating.  Most people see movies and shows that teach the usage of rifles and pistols as the leading tool used in combat, this constricts their ability to imagine the usage of all tools available to them in life.  It takes severe training to shift this paradigm and it is something that not all can grasp even then.

Some people are so far ingrained with their paradigms that the only way they can respond to a challenge to it is rage.  We see this with people blindly attacking people who think differently than them in politics or religion.  The emotional dependency on what the defined "reality" for the person is beyond their capacity to process and they turn to carnal reactions of fight or flight.

So, is it bad?  Not always.  I think the issue is when we lack the mental dexterity to accept the fact that there are other views than ours and the fact that our view could be wrong.  We need to be sufficiently self aware so that we can at least accept the possibility of other view points.

Danger Points:

When I was 25, I sat in a room with several hundred, newly minted Marine second lieutenants so that wizened colonel could address us as we commenced some of the most rigorous training most of us would ever go through.  This man was a giant among men, not in his stature, but in his control of himself.  The type of man all men immediately notice as one to listen too.

His opening remarks shattered my world - I have never viewed the world the same.  He told us that from since before we were born, there were men that had been studying and training to find ways to kill us and our way of life.  We had crossed the threshold to stay that tide - we may only be in our 20's but there was no excuse to not have a 3,000 year old mind.  In order to keep our Marines safe, we needed to devote our time in energy to study our enemy's as well as our capabilities.

I think about the people that believe that by being friendly to terrorists they will stop their onslaught - those that think we can reason with them.  They refuse to acknowledge that for a terrorist to negotiate with us is for the terrorist to reject his core beliefs.  This assumes that they have the same value of human life and abhorrence of war we do as well.

There are also dangers closer to home, such as girls that feel it is fine to jog at night, alone with headphones on preventing them from hearing their surroundings - this ignores the fact that there are predators seeking them out.  What about parents not controlling a child's access to the internet?

I can already hear the shrill screams accusing me of "victim blaming" but the truth is, we must accept that there are dangers in life and act accordingly. For instance, if I were to walk into a BLM rally and yell "All Lives Matter!", I would end up in a hospital.  Does this make it acceptable for the shrieking terrorist of the BLM to assault me?  Of course not, but it also doesn't make me any less stupid for doing it.

Many times, because we live in a stable society, we fall for the idiotic idea that we as a people are civilized.  This is ludicrous as it would require the genetic inheritance of moral principles.  All one needs to do is watch what happens in times of chaos to see the truth of what we really are.  Many (if not most) people are only decent because their environment allows it.

Beyond this, how many people have now refuted the existence of evil by denying the fact that there is a right and wrong choice in life.  People are now accused of being bigoted for adhering to traditional religious views as society moves to moral relativity.  Just as there have been mortal men studying to kill us and our way of life since before we were born - there is a force of evil that seeks to crush our happiness and has since before we measured time.

We must accept that not all people desire what is good for humanity.  If we do not, we will lose all progression society has achieved by the lurid call of moral relativity.

So what?

Paradigms have always been around and they always will.  I think the most important thing I can do as a husband and a father is simply seek awareness and support the differing of opinions within my home.

My wife and I discuss politics and moral points often, we do not always agree on them.  I find myself respecting my wife all the more as she is able to refute my views and defend her own.  We have started sharing our simpler opinions with our children so that they can begin making their own choices.  We reinforce that it is okay to have different views, so long as we still treat each other nicely and with respect.

As young as our kids are, I think they are getting it.  I hope they do as compromise will be a significant requirement in our society as the morals degrade further.  We, the religious members of society, will have to cede certain freedoms in order to retain our core beliefs and freedoms.  But this all begins with the acceptance of the fact that not all view the world as we do.  Patient tolerance must be learned by both sides if we as a society is to support differing cultures.

If we can learn to do this, we can learn to accept difference in paradigms and rise above our carnal instinct to destroy and avoid that which is different.  I don't know what all the future holds, but I hope my children will be able to function in society - freely as children of God and Christ without fear of repercussion.  This cannot happen unless my generation preserves the decency of tolerance framed in our Constitution with the First Amendment and also teach them to be accepting of others.