This will be a series of 3 posts outlining the characteristics I define "manly" by. I have listened to many try to explain this, but it isn't something that is easy to do. It is much easier to define what men do - this is given to us: Provide, Preside & Protect. But how does a man become "manly" enough to accomplish these things?
My wife got me thinking about this a few months ago when she outlined what a woman is to our daughter: Courageous, Happy & Kind. It has really helped our daughter see how off the mark her temper tantrums are as well as numerous other points of obstinance. What is great about it, is that we are no longer just punishing for something wrong, we are also encouraging what is right. It is a complete discipline cycle now.
I have struggled with choosing words to use with our son and now that I have chosen the ones I define "manly" with, I still find them difficult to convey to a child. I am hoping that as I continue refining my view, I will be able to explain them simply enough for my son.
The three defining characteristics of what makes a man "manly" are as follows:
First off, it must be acknowledged how pathetic our society now is considering "sober" means simply - free from drug or drink. To me, that is like saying to prepare for Olympic competitions, I won't eat McDonald's 3 times a day for two years. Whereas, yes, diet control is a key component in preparing for athletic competitions - something as base as abstaining from steady fast food isn't even worth mentioning to a serious athlete.
To be sober or of sober mind, a man must control his attitude in life. It must be appropriate for the circumstance in which the man is in and never in excess. For instance - think of a party and there is that one insecure guy that is just over-the-top in all that he does at the party. He really lives the party, dude! To the point, people only laugh because they are laughing at him and his invitations go down equal to the rate he tries to party harder.
Or on the flip side, imagine a funeral where a man collapses and publicly loses control of his faculties. Some misguided and insecure few may go to comfort him, but the desire of all - and action of most - will be to put distance between them and the man. Why? Not because they are selfish, but because the man can't be helped by them. Someone who has lost control of their inner self cannot be assisted by others.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying oneself at a party or mourning the loss of a loved one, but there are bounds of which the emotions of the time must be limited to. It is indeed manly to experience all the emotions of the human experience, but only with the appropriate people and in the appropriate circumstance and to the appropriate amount. To do otherwise is to breed embarrassment, both towards yourself (as you ought to feel shame after you regain control) and in others that are witnessing the behavior.
A great example here - just as my wife and I were dating and things were beginning to look serious, we had a college professor that made a comment about how we would soon be wed. I stopped holding my wife's hand and hardly talked to her for a day or so. Why? Not because it was a horrid option, but because that level of commitment was beyond what I had with my wife at that time.
Think of awkward dating stories where men and women profess love too soon, it is not sober at all. It is insecure, irrational and void of depth. When I did propose to my wife, I did so in a sober fashion. We had just finished watching a movie together and I knelt before her as she sat on the couch and calmly explained to her how I had lived my life in a way to prepare for having a family. I told her that I had been searching for someone to advance through life with and I wanted it to be her.
She cried, I held her while she gained control and we set a date. I was not a braggart by calling upon the masses of strangers in a public place to add drama to the special moment. Instead, I did so in a sober fashion, I was in control of my faculties as I expressed my desires for marriage to my sweetheart. I gave the proposal the private respect it deserved, an intimate moment between two people in love.
Why is it a "Manly" Characteristic?
When you view a man as someone who Presides in his home and conquers the world to Protect and Provide for his family, you imagine a reputable man. Someone that others respect and heed his advice - not some flippant man-boy that arrogantly or naively flitters from one emotion to the next.
It is not possible to think well of someone who cannot act appropriately - that type of person generates embarrassment. A man should be a source of wisdom and comfort, which is rooted in how sober he is - in other words, how capable he is to be reasonable, to be calm and in control of himself. He must measure his thoughts, words & deeds against the desired impact and choose his actions based on expected consequence.
Think also of the impact this is for the family. As the husband and father is to Preside over his family - how can they respect him if he cannot first show that self control that is a result of a sober mind? How can a wife revere her husband as wise if he vacillates on his principles and desires? Or how can the children have a feeling of security if their father is erratic? Some days he comes home screaming in anger and others singing in praise - but it is all dependent on the results of something outside of the home (employment, politics, etc.) and their needs are subordinate to their father's irrational swing of emotions.
A man, a true man, must be of sober mind. When he is, all around him will acknowledge this and treat him as such.
This is also a foundation for the next characteristic - to be Resolute. You cannot become Resolute until you first have the self awareness to understand the impact of your words and actions.
See the second post: Manly Defined, Resolute
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful
My wife got me thinking about this a few months ago when she outlined what a woman is to our daughter: Courageous, Happy & Kind. It has really helped our daughter see how off the mark her temper tantrums are as well as numerous other points of obstinance. What is great about it, is that we are no longer just punishing for something wrong, we are also encouraging what is right. It is a complete discipline cycle now.
I have struggled with choosing words to use with our son and now that I have chosen the ones I define "manly" with, I still find them difficult to convey to a child. I am hoping that as I continue refining my view, I will be able to explain them simply enough for my son.
The three defining characteristics of what makes a man "manly" are as follows:
- Sober - regarding the attitude and outlook in life
- Resolute - in body, emotions, spirit and mind
- Faithful - to self, family and God
First off, it must be acknowledged how pathetic our society now is considering "sober" means simply - free from drug or drink. To me, that is like saying to prepare for Olympic competitions, I won't eat McDonald's 3 times a day for two years. Whereas, yes, diet control is a key component in preparing for athletic competitions - something as base as abstaining from steady fast food isn't even worth mentioning to a serious athlete.
To be sober or of sober mind, a man must control his attitude in life. It must be appropriate for the circumstance in which the man is in and never in excess. For instance - think of a party and there is that one insecure guy that is just over-the-top in all that he does at the party. He really lives the party, dude! To the point, people only laugh because they are laughing at him and his invitations go down equal to the rate he tries to party harder.
Or on the flip side, imagine a funeral where a man collapses and publicly loses control of his faculties. Some misguided and insecure few may go to comfort him, but the desire of all - and action of most - will be to put distance between them and the man. Why? Not because they are selfish, but because the man can't be helped by them. Someone who has lost control of their inner self cannot be assisted by others.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying oneself at a party or mourning the loss of a loved one, but there are bounds of which the emotions of the time must be limited to. It is indeed manly to experience all the emotions of the human experience, but only with the appropriate people and in the appropriate circumstance and to the appropriate amount. To do otherwise is to breed embarrassment, both towards yourself (as you ought to feel shame after you regain control) and in others that are witnessing the behavior.
A great example here - just as my wife and I were dating and things were beginning to look serious, we had a college professor that made a comment about how we would soon be wed. I stopped holding my wife's hand and hardly talked to her for a day or so. Why? Not because it was a horrid option, but because that level of commitment was beyond what I had with my wife at that time.
Think of awkward dating stories where men and women profess love too soon, it is not sober at all. It is insecure, irrational and void of depth. When I did propose to my wife, I did so in a sober fashion. We had just finished watching a movie together and I knelt before her as she sat on the couch and calmly explained to her how I had lived my life in a way to prepare for having a family. I told her that I had been searching for someone to advance through life with and I wanted it to be her.
She cried, I held her while she gained control and we set a date. I was not a braggart by calling upon the masses of strangers in a public place to add drama to the special moment. Instead, I did so in a sober fashion, I was in control of my faculties as I expressed my desires for marriage to my sweetheart. I gave the proposal the private respect it deserved, an intimate moment between two people in love.
Why is it a "Manly" Characteristic?
When you view a man as someone who Presides in his home and conquers the world to Protect and Provide for his family, you imagine a reputable man. Someone that others respect and heed his advice - not some flippant man-boy that arrogantly or naively flitters from one emotion to the next.
It is not possible to think well of someone who cannot act appropriately - that type of person generates embarrassment. A man should be a source of wisdom and comfort, which is rooted in how sober he is - in other words, how capable he is to be reasonable, to be calm and in control of himself. He must measure his thoughts, words & deeds against the desired impact and choose his actions based on expected consequence.
Think also of the impact this is for the family. As the husband and father is to Preside over his family - how can they respect him if he cannot first show that self control that is a result of a sober mind? How can a wife revere her husband as wise if he vacillates on his principles and desires? Or how can the children have a feeling of security if their father is erratic? Some days he comes home screaming in anger and others singing in praise - but it is all dependent on the results of something outside of the home (employment, politics, etc.) and their needs are subordinate to their father's irrational swing of emotions.
A man, a true man, must be of sober mind. When he is, all around him will acknowledge this and treat him as such.
This is also a foundation for the next characteristic - to be Resolute. You cannot become Resolute until you first have the self awareness to understand the impact of your words and actions.
See the second post: Manly Defined, Resolute
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful
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