Smoke & Mirrors

I have always been able to read people, it has led to some interesting experiences, but I have noticed some trends that make me concerned as a parent.  There has been so much focus on the feel good, ignore failure 'cause you are special crap - that some people actually believe it to the point they live their life that way.

This is all made easier with online interactions - suddenly the 14 year old that is claiming "rich people suck and Stalin had the answer!" is a relevant contributor to a political conversation.  Or the 30 year old who has never accomplished anything other than a high score on a game can be a professional career mentor on how to feel good about yourself while sticking it to the man!

I have found that people are naturally good at identifying risks with their sub-conscious as they become the most vile and aggressive at the points that threaten the lie they love to live the most.  I see the roots of these problems in children.  For instance, my son loves super heroes - often he acts out them.  Several years ago, it was always just "cute" as he would pretend to run as fast as the Flash or build an Iron Man suit out of cardboard.  Now, however, as he gets older, I have started correcting him when I get the feeling that he thinks he is better than he is.

I know it is common for us to imagine the unstoppable successes available to us - and I support that drive within us.  I have relied on it to obtain many of the feats I have in my life, but there is a difference in arrogant self-worship and aspiration to your best.  A fine line that I am sure I cross routinely and have decided that other people ought to judge for themselves if they view me arrogant or honest.

When it comes to society, however, I find that many live in a false sense of humility - while ensuring all know that they are the most capable gift God has provided to the world.

The Internet

I saw a post the other day online that showed a meme from Einstein stating that if you couldn't explain something simply, then you didn't understand it.  A profound concept that I agree with completely.

There were only a few comments on it when I saw it, and they made me laugh at their immaturity and they illustrate my thought rather well:

The red and pink outlined boxes went back and forth several times, never complementing the other, but agreeing with each other while complementing themselves.  "I understand the basics of all three his major papers" - I mean, that isn't even grammatically accurate.  Everyone will have grammar errors, but this is elementary.  

Or how about the other one referring to "Old Bert" as if there is some form of familiarity.  This while ignoring the fact that his role model refuted his concepts of atheism.  Einstein was no Christian or Jew, this is certain - but he was also not an atheist, rather his views of the Supreme were impersonal.   

I am sure that someone who understood so much of the universe would find it difficult to think that such a creator would care for something so insignificant as a single human.  A miracle that is lost on those of us who live in false views of self-importance.  

Yet - here these two neanderthals are, complementing themselves on their superiority while abusing the quote and the man they feel they can extract a feeling of import from.  I looked at their profiles as both were so arrogant as to brashly post all things personal to the world without sense of privacy.  Both are over 50, single and without family.  Their posts consisted of them quoting themselves during their epic online battles and posts congratulating themselves in their loneliness while they drowned in alcohol.

If they were so wise, so superior, why are they so alone?

Dating

I went on 3 dates in high school, that's it, just 3.  I went to plenty of dances and parties, but only ever had 3 actual dates.  I was focused on working and preparing for my mission for my church, which began a few days after my 19th birthday and ended 2 years later.

I went to college about 3 weeks after I came home from my mission and decided I would date until I found someone who gave me a reason to stop looking.  As a result, I rarely ate alone for the next many months - many viewed me as a player (especially after I had 3 dates on the same Saturday).

I was not, however.  I was looking for a wife and was not sure what I wanted in one.  I was inexperienced in dating and unsure of what I should want.  Which is why I asked out as many girls as I could.  Naturally, I had started with the girls with the most "wow" factor - you know, the ones that have the perfect hair & makeup, all the guys stop and stare at.  It didn't take me long to realize that they weren't dating me, however, they were show-casing themselves.

They were often late for a date, something that culturally we are supposed to accept - despite the fact that tardiness is a profound disrespect.  They would then spend the first portion of the date complaining about how they couldn't find anything to wear and they hoped they didn't look to frumpy.  In other words, "I feel really insecure about myself so I will manipulate you into complementing me so I can brag about it to my insecure roomies later."

Now, I never went on movie dates, they were always meals, walks, hiking, canoeing, etc.  So girls like these, I usually had a meal and ended it there.  We would get to the restaurant and they would prance in front of me, ensuring to draw the gazes from other guys there before sitting down.  Our conversations were interrupted constantly with their need to primp more in the bathroom or complain about some wardrobe concern.

That is when I realized that these girls were just that, girls.  They were defined by insecurities and rather than addressing them, they would seek to force others to complement them and compensate for it.

Contrast that to when I met my wife, she never fished for complements or apologized for her appearance.  She still doesn't wear makeup all that much, in truth, she doesn't need it and never has.  She was never late to our dates and she never cared what other guys thought of her, she prepared herself to look well for her and for me - no one else.

She was comfortable to go on outdoor dates as well as just sit and talk the afternoon away - there was never a dull moment.  She was a woman looking for a man to start a family with - she was confident in her own image and life decisions.

She helped me realize that much of dating is doomed from the start as people are so driven to make an appearance of something other than themselves.  Most of the girls I dated never understood who I was or what I was looking for - they had created some idea of who I was and they acted to impress that idea.  All they ever accomplished in doing so was ensuring I spent as little time with them as possible.  I only ended one date mid-meal, so at least most were bearable enough for the 45 minutes it takes to eat out...

Summary

Essentially, all too often in life we live a false image of ourselves and the social norms require others to appease this aspect of our lives.  This is never healthy - not in our professional careers or our personal pursuits.

We must realize that each of us are equal in our insignificance and yet so profoundly precious to that God which gave us life.  No matter how fancy our car is or run down our home is, we are all brothers and sisters, children of the God of the universe.  We have a short time here on earth to define who we will be for the eternities, let us use that time wisely with honest introspect that leads to growth and joy vice squandering it on lies that only disappoint.  

The Not so Little, Little Things

My wife and I often find ourselves laughing at how hilarious our kids are.  They are a class act by themselves, but add them together and it is guaranteed comedy!  I find myself truly enjoying the process of getting to know them as they continue to learn more of themselves.

I remember the not so distant past where I would wander the church halls or stand back in what I call "Dad's Corner" (you know that corner in Sunday School and Sacrament, the one where all the Dad's are trying to give their wives a few hours of sanity) - I did not actually enjoy being a parent then.

Yes, my children were special to me.  No, I did not know what to do with them.  I used to get angry at people that would come over to offer more of the never-ending, unwanted advice.  The ones I grew most tired of, were those that told me I would miss the days of diapers and vomit and screaming.

Truly, I don't miss it at all.  Nope, not even a bit.  It's a lie - the baby years are not the best of my parenting time, they were the penance I paid.  My kids are awesome to hang out with now as they can speak their minds, express interests and learn new things with me.  I sincerely look forward to their older years as well, I have fond memories of doing many things with my parents in my teen years and hope to make similar memories with my children.

The Foundation

I think (purely theory as my oldest turns 9 this year...) that by learning to do the little things now with my kids, I will have a relationship that will support communication with them in their teen years.

My wife and I were talking the other night how our kids tend to bombard us with menial announcements such as:

"I have a pink sheep on Minecraft!" 

or 

"I beat my Transformers score by 20 points!"

Naturally, they pick ideal times to reveal the life changing milestones, like when I am on the phone with a client or my wife is debating a fallacious charge on our medical bill (seriously, check your medical bills, we find many on them).

Of course, my wife and I see how minuscule such accomplishments are - all adults should have actual achievements that have increased value to self and community.  My children, on the other hand, are not capable to distinguishing life's accomplishments and entertainment in a game at this point, however.  They are the same thing.

This is why it is important to put these laughable announcements at the forefront of our day.  I enjoy saying prayers with my kids at night as they take me through the magical day of discovery they just had.  Such a precious view they have - everything is new and innocent.

Why it Matters

Children are now being exposed to serious issues at my children's ages - pornography, language, violence & other satanic goals are glorified by our culture as we rabidly banish Christ from it.  Their tender minds and emotions are not yet ready to process all that is in our culture, but our society does not care.  The children are the next line in this cultural war - following the teachings of Hitler, those that stand against family and religion seek to warp the next generation's minds and turn them on their parents.

I don't know what lies ahead in their lives, but I know that if I don't show to them that every accomplishment in their life is valid to me, they will not be comfortable in speaking with me when something is embarrassing or shameful.  Consider the implications of teaching your child that something he achieved is not as relevant as your current task - how will that child feel when he feels he has failed?  Will he be comfortable in speaking with you or will he assume you are too busy to help him?

How are we any better?

As with all things, God & Christ are the supreme examples.  How are we any different than our children to Him?  How minuscule are our concerns and accomplishments compared to what is on His agenda?  With having a universe to run, He still makes time to hear our prayers and comfort us in times of need.  He guides us through our options in life, not because they are significant - but because we are significant.

Sufficient in friends?

I was born in a small town in Washington state, but the only memories I have of it are a few school days and a park where my brother and I would climb a cliff near a golf course.  I still chuckle at our Mom's reaction when she came with us once and we showed her what we did.

I don't remember much of it as our family moved nearly every year.  Due to my Dad's career and educational requirements, we were rather nomadic throughout my developing years.  My parents have now returned to that quaint town as a college professors.

Driven Siblings:

My wife, kids and I visited them last fall and I remember a discussion I had with my Mom that has given me pause.  But first, some context of what we were discussing

My brother had a very demanding, classified job for the alphabet soups before deciding he wanted to settle down and change careers.  Naturally, he decided to be a doctor - cause that's how people settle down!

As for me, I joined the Marine Corps right out of college, earned my MBA while serving and now work for one of the largest consulting firms in the world in a leadership role.

My kid sister is studying to become a PA.

You look at these and and then consider the difference of what most people in a small, quaint town do.  Most work on the fruit farms or cattle ranches in the area.  Sales jobs for phone and software companies are common as well.

None of this is an indication of their work ethic or ability to work - rather a common trend among all people of staying where they were raised.  It is the same for big city folk, just replace the agricultural jobs with fast food and Starbucks.

What would have been?

My parents have often expressed regret over how much they moved with us.  For me, we had moved so I started my freshman year in a new town and then returned to a town we had once lived for my senior year.  The longest we were ever in one place was 5 years in a row.

But as my Mom and I were talking that day, she wondered if the moving drove us to the careers we have - breaking the normal cycle of settling for what is local.  My career choices have moved my wife and I more than a dozen times in our 10 years of marriage - a price most are not willing to pay.  It creates an unusual advantage for me in my pursuit of increased responsibility and correlating pay.

That day, my Mom and I wondered if it would have been so if my parents had made different choices and stayed in that small, peaceful town.  It was an interesting conversation - but no one will ever really know in the "what if's" we inflict upon ourselves.

Regardless, I am happy with who I am and where my life is headed.

Other points

What I have thought about, however, is the concept of friends.  One truth that was hard for a young boy to learn was that people do not care about those that are not immediately near them.  As we moved, I would seek to maintain friends via letters (the thought, pre-FB days!) and if we were in old towns I would ask my parents to see if we could stop by.  Sad truth was, most had forgotten about me by the end of summer and had filled their friend requirement with someone there.

Then, at the new schools, I would find that people are not interested in new friends.  It became increasingly difficult as the years went on to find people willing to add a new friend to the mix.  I did have a few, treasured friends that I have stayed in touch with, however.  Happily, I was able to re-connect with my oldest friend earlier this year.

The conversation with my Mom had planted this seed, making me wonder about those I had shared such happy and hard times with.  It also makes me wonder about what the future holds for my children.

A dad's view:

When I look at my two children.  My daughter is the definition of a social butterfly - it is just natural to her.  She has such an engaging personality that it is hard to not laugh around her.

My son, on the other hand, is much more like me.  Friendship seems a bit harder to find for him as he sits alone in a group.  He already has his first bully, a young kid that is flashy and cool to the other kids and for some reason singles my son out.  Not that my son acts that much differently than the other kids in his cub scout troop, but for some reason this defective boy has an issue with him.

I watched my son at a pine wood derby this past weekend, he was sitting next to the other boys, having fun until this bully came over.  The nasty puke deliberately sat down between my son and the other boys - preventing him from interacting with them.

My son stays positive, stating that he will be nice still.  I am proud of the man is becoming at this rate.  It makes me wonder, however, if he will ever have more than the one or two precious friends like what I had growing up.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to martyr myself or my son, but there is a correlation to growing up to be a good, determined man and loneliness.  Many of the most successful people grew up ostracized - I think that contributed to their success.

I do not envy the popular guy that is now living the life expected of him (I have seen a few from my past on social networking sites - many are miserable, divorced and racing to the bottom of society now).  I have never followed the normal rules as I am not normal.  Most people aren't, but I find most are afraid to acknowledge that fact.

Life lessons

My concern, is for my son's coming years - the pain that comes with these lessons learned.  I remember the loneliest night I have had on this earth, I have only ever talked about it once or twice, but I learned from it and the days around it have guided my adult years - reliance in my God and Savoir is enough in this life.

It does not matter what anyone thinks of us - ourselves included.  We are each a child of God - a perfect God that knows us more personally than we will ever understand.  There are times of loneliness in this life - even Christ felt this way.  If Christ, God's chosen redeemer and only perfect child, felt lonely, what makes us think we will not at some point?

What I am saying is that, I hope my son learns to rely on God when he is lonely.  As much as I wish I could always be there for him, I will not be.  I am a fallen man with an expiration date - but his relationship with his Savoir and Father in Heaven, that is always there in every moment of his life.

Friends will come and go - the few will stay, but our only source of complete companionship for all things is our relationship with our Heavenly Father through the miracle of Christ's sacrifice by the presence of the Holy Ghost.

If we maintain that relationship, all others will fall in place.  Marriages will be improved and we will be the friend our friends deserve.   We will never be alone or without support - regardless if we move or stay put.

If not Parenting, then what?

An interesting push in the past several years for so-called "standardized" testing and bench-marking of child performance has some disturbing attributes to me as a father.  It all seems to revolve around having each child end up the same as all the rest - which is incoherent at best.

Child Standard 1.1M (male child with average IQ) vs Child Standard 2.0F (female child with high IQ)

First off, anyone with more than one child will tell you that there is no "standard" for learning - every child is unique in how he develops from infancy to childhood to adulthood.  This is expected given the concept of a soul - a simple concept that science cannot reason away.

But, there seems to always be the emotionally inept calls from so-called do-gooder's, "but how do I know if my child is advancing well enough?"  Really?  Last I checked, using other people as a measurement of self is a bad concept.  The greater question is: does your child understand how to read, write and the other basic communications requirements to enable him to interact with the community at large?  Then, does he possess the ability to reason and quantify the principles he is exposed to?

Anything beyond that, he will learn as he develops and explores the world - try to force something else on him and he will suffer through it until it is no longer required and frankly forget it.  Don't believe me, ask any adult what they remember from chemistry, physics or even the difference of "there, their, and they're".

We really over-think this education thing when it comes to our children - the ability to regurgitate facts does not make them capable.  The more rules and regulations we train them to as a child, the more they will expect it as adults.  Which, leads to a complicit generation not as capable in individual thought.

Standards or Control Metrics?

So why have the standards?  Yes, the emotionally inept parent seeking external validation of their offspring will always cling to societal set standards and will always produce viable worker bees.  They will cling to archaic class systems, where the state or society will provide them a checklist of requirements to consider them-self fulfilled and successful.  Clearly, I have no intent in reaching such people.

For the few that desire to make something of them-self or inspire their children to do so, the question must be asked: what is the point of federal standards then?  Could it be to close the gap between education and the workplace?  Sure, you know, we led the world in education back in the 1960's, identified an issue in the 1980's and now have some of the highest unemployed college graduate statistics in the history of the US.  Add to that, the same issue for under-employed.  About 1 in 4 graduates that are either unemployed or under-employed.

The drop in our educational capacities as a nation is estimated to have costed us over $1 Trillion in GDP.

So again, why the standards?  Standards have been reviewed and bolstered for decades and the performance of our educational construct has continually declined.  Truth be told, I don't have an answer here, but I am certain that more standards and more tests will not end this slog into failure.

Yup, Parenting

Regardless, it has been clearly proven that the solution for our children's success is not found within the "community" or the state - it is within the most basic social structure: the family.  Time and time again, it has been proven that positive, parental involvement has the most singular influence on a child's development.  It is irrelevant if the child is in public, private, charter or home school.

Of course, this is a problem to those that believe in the class system and care more about unification as opposed to celebrating the diversity of God's children.  Ever since Plato, there have been fraudulent and supposed "intelligent" people that claim societal ills can be resolved with the abolition of the family unit. Well, that is not totally true, they have compromised to just mediating the parental actions by the state...

I think the terrifying truth is this: there are those that are so emotionally incapable of allowing someone to fail due to their own poor choices, that they will bring down an entire society to try and save the one already lost.  I don't think there is some demonic conspiracy to remove traditional families and the values associated with it - but I do think there are plenty of people who are incapable of accepting consequence.

If you look at all the philosophers and public figures that claim the family is the source of inequality - they are all trying to solve the issue of suffering.  As well intentioned as they may be, they could not be more wrong and morally off-base.

By the very studies they cite, they should find ways to promote and sustain the family as opposed to remove it.  It is clearly a positive force in society as children from stable, traditional homes outperform other children in every category.  It is a race to the bottom - they wish to remove the very source of the populace that can sustain society.

It does NOT take a community

No, it does not take a community to raise a child.  It takes two dedicated parents and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  No more, no less.  Yes, others can help and assist, and yes, they often do - but no, their help is not required.  The sacred mantel of a parent is the closest we can come to understand God in this life - beginning with the miracle of bridging the spiritual realm with this broken world in the sacred act of creating life.

Then begins the true commitment of guiding the newly created life through the perils of life - duty that never ends and there is no greater source of joy.  Contrast that with this:

“When an opponent declares, ‘I will not come over to your side,’ [Hitler] said in a speech on November 6, 1933, “I calmly say, ‘Your child belongs to us already. . . . What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.’” And on May 1, 1937, [Hitler] declared, “This new Reich will give its youth to no one, but will itself take youth and give to youth its own education and its own upbringing.” William Shirer, Rise and Fall of the Third Reich New York: Simon and Schuster, 1960), 249.

Just Medicate Already!

We decided to homeschool when I was still in the Marine Corps.  It was a common and logical conclusion for military people that move a lot and can't always control when the Marine in the family has time off.  I saw many that had block leave during the week of finals, for example.

Since then, with the advent of Common Core and anti-religion in schools, we are happy to keep our decision.  Recently, however, I have come to appreciate another reason: medication.  We have very high spirited kids - our daughter is currently in a phase of pretending to be animals (fossa to raccoon to who knows what next) and our son can't even sit still during a movie, he has to act it out as he watches it.  He's gotten better - mainly due to my wife and I no longer finding it amusing - but it is still there.

They are both very active and physical in their approaches to learning and experiencing the world around them.  As frustrating as it can be (especially for their teacher, my wife), there is nothing wrong with it.  Both are learning well and are very curious about the mysteries life has ahead of them.

I have overheard parents discussing their concerns about their kids and it scares me.  "My son can't focus on his homework, I think he might have an attention disorder or something."  The kid is 4 years old!  Why does he even have homework?  It's preposterous!  Or, "our kids have too much energy in the house, we need to get them on some meds to calm them down."  I always ask even though I know the answer, how much time do they spend outside?  The answer: never.

So, let me get this strait, you have a child that is bounding with energy and curiosity and you think there is something wrong with the kid because they have too much energy even though you never have them run outside to burn it off?  And it is the kid's fault?

Then look at our schools post the abomination of "No Child Left Behind" - we have longer kindergarten hours, fewer recesses, and less hands-on work.  Schools are dumping arts & music (lessons that require a physical interaction with learning) and replacing them with more books and tests.

Of course - that is a great solution for kids that just want to run around and play!  More time inside!  And, if the kid has a problem adjusting, just shoot him up with meds (him, as boys are at least twice as likely to be diagnosed as girls).  Just another zombie earning tax credits for the school and staying out of mom and dad's way as they pursue their dreams!  Mission accomplished.

We are getting to a point where individual selfishness from parents and schools are now leading to a terrifying epidemic that has increased 40% over just a matter of a couple of years.  In case you have lived in a time capsule for the past couple of decades, I'm talking about ADHD.

I looked up the actual diagnostics for it on the CDC site, here are some laughable quotes:

"Deciding if a child has ADHD is a several step process. There is no single test to diagnose ADHD, and many other problems".

In other words, no definitive test.  Or said again, it really depends on the opinion of the guy writing prescriptions because there is no way to prove him right or wrong.  But hey, it will shut the parents & teacher up and pad his bottom line, so why not?  The kid could use some downers anyway...

Here are some of the actual indicators that begin in ages of 3 - 6:

• Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities. 
• Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities. 
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly. 
• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (loses focus, gets sidetracked). 
• Often has trouble organizing activities. 
• Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework). 
• Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools). 
• Is often easily distracted. 
• Is often forgetful in daily activities. 

Really?  I think they just described childhood.  I mean, seriously?  You can tie any of those to ANY child - because, drum roll, they are childish behaviors!

Now, I am making my career as a consultant.  Companies pay us to do things for them as we are faster / better / cheaper than what they are at areas outside of their main business.  Sometimes, our clients have concerns - that is where I work.

Most times I find that expectations have not been accurately managed.  It is like when you go see a movie that had great advertisements but actually sucked.  You are even angrier as you feel you were cheated.  If you had known what the movie actually was like, you may still have watched it - maybe even enjoyed it, but the difference would be in what you had expected it to be.

Now, we look today at family life.  We live in the world of me, myself and I.  Add this to the fact that kids are inconvenient.  If there was anything I wish upcoming parents knew, it would be that.  They require sacrifice, they require you to alter plans and miss out on some things in life.  And no, they won't appreciate it until they are much older, if ever (many of my family and friends - including myself - didn't until we became parents).

Sounds like a miss-match in expectations from the "me generation" more than anything else.  As we ask government to dictate what success is (standardized tests) and tell people that you can and should have it all: both ways, all the time - what could go wrong?  I mean, mom's can work better at men (per failed feminist logic) so why not have both parents out finding new toys they can finance on their expansive incomes?

Then, when both parents come home, tired from expanding their influence in the cubicle fiefdom, those pesky annoyances known as kids have too much energy.  I mean, can't they just learn to take care of themselves?  If not, doesn't the government owe me something?  No?  Oh well, I'll just pay to get them declared ADHD so I can not worry about it and shame on you for thinking less of my children who are disabled!  Please, just stop talking about them, my show is about to start...

All of these ADHD indicators are addressable, however.  Much of the issues are more emotional or due to the child being over-stimulated and under guided.  I remember in college seeing other parents that were near the brink of despair because their toddlers were up past midnight - leaving no time for spouse time or sleep.  Contrast this to strict bedtimes that my wife and I grew up with and enforce in our home - we have time to spend together or have "me time" when needed.

This coupled with regular family meals that are not in front of the TV and no phones utilized during it - our kids must play outside before they can play their electronic devices and so on, these are the tactics parents have employed for generations without issue.  I guess we are just too cool for traditions like these as a society, however.  Success was for yesterday - anarchy and feminism is the way forward!

It's not about you!

Sometimes on my commute I think about where my life is, where I thought I would be and where it seems I am heading.  Where I thought I would be is dependent on the time in my life you reference, but mainly, I had planned on being an officer in the Marine Corps.  Preferably in a spec ops or combat unit - making my way to a battalion commander.  I longed the burden of leadership, the stress and everything that goes with it.  I miss that most from the Marine Corps, being accountable for my Marines.  

Now, I work in a cubicle, usually repeating the same explanations over and over, only the audience changes.  I find it hard to consistently exercise, enjoy the outdoors and several other things that have been pillars of my daily tenants for years.  When I get a bonus, most of it either pays for an outstanding payment or is squirreled away in anticipation of one.  

But I don't care.  I am happy and most days when I think about it, I find myself praising God for His wisdom in guiding me to this path.  I am grateful He did not guide me to what I wanted and instead, to what I needed. 

Today at work, a woman came back from work after her 6 months of maternity leave.  She has had 3 kids back to back and has only worked maybe half a year in the past 3 or 4 as a result of this (my company does a phenomenal job in caring for its employees).  I saw her crying as she spoke with some sitter that she has outsourced her parental duties to.  Someone else saw her and in an attempt to ease her pain, joked lightly with her about choosing to return.  Her response, "well having kids is hard too".  It was a despondent answer from a woman that is not happy.  

I think about when I first met her, she had presented at my orientation.  There were about 8 guys in the room, she came in and stated in open disgust that this was a very non-diverse group.  As if we, the people hired by the company, had a choice in that.  As we got to know each other, it turned out we represented quite a few different walks of life.  All of us were very unique individuals, but her obtuse definition of diversity led her to view us as clones of each other only because of our sexual organs.  

A few weeks later, I overheard her and another woman gossiping like high school girls about who was having an affair with who in the office.  It was clear that both of them wanted one themselves.  

Fast forward a few years to now my observation of her misery and I have to laugh.  This is a woman that excels per feminism and worldly standards.  She has it all - husband, kids and career.  Yet, she drudges around the office, pining over other men and crying about her misery.  She has everything her feminist ideals have programmed her to have - yet she is devoid of joy.

On the other side, the only thing I have that I wanted as a child is a family.  Everything else is different, and I find myself more at peace in my life than I have ever been.  

My wife and I made some key decisions a few years ago that explain this difference.  We were at a rough spot in our marriage - both angry at each other and the kids for selfish reasons.  It was tearing us apart.  One day, when we were tired of arguing and fighting, we realized that we weren't putting our family first.  We were trying to live as if we were single adults still with two separate life plans ahead.  Naturally, that caused friction. 

We began the long road of forgiveness and decided to choose each other.  I hear parents complain about their kids and spouse all the time.  It is almost a cultural expectation, embedded into comedy and every form of entertainment.  Why?  I mean, we chose to live with each other - we chose to have kids.  

I think the issue is in our expectations.  We feel that the law of supply and demand does not apply in our personal lives for some reason.  No resource is limitless, however, so there must be compromise.  My time is limited as is my wife's.  What's even more limited, is our time with the children in our home.  Already, this year marks half of that time for our oldest. 

Sure, I can complain about not having my childhood dream job, or not having the 1.5 - 2 hours a day I want to workout.  But, last week I helped my son play Super Mario Brothers on the Wii.  I built a castle with my daughter on Minecraft and helped her get some "cute" animals for her to care for.  The weekend before that, I took my son camping in 20 degree weather where it was just the two of us.  While he was at Cub Scouts, my daughter and I played games in the house ruled only by the limits of her imagination.  

Both of our kids ask us to do things with them - do we always want to?  No, but usually my wife and I go along with it and end up loving it.  This is a life of sacrifice and service - we are serving our children and each other.  

It isn't about us as individuals - it is about our family.  But, as with country economics, if you spend your limited resources on items of value, your return will be justified and desirable.  By choosing to spend what we do have (in monies, time and energy) on our family instead of ourselves, we find the returns far outweigh the cost.  

I think this is the secret that God is teaching us - the true purpose of this life is to learn how to spend our gift wisely.  Death is the cost of our life, it is up to us to make it worth the price.  We need to forget ourselves and serve those around us - beginning with family.  

Why do feminists hate women?

I don't know if I will ever forget the first time I was exposed to a true-blue feminist.  It was in college, BYU-I.  You know, the Mormon college where the underground crowd drinks alcohol in measured doses and it is almost a sin to vote democrat (for the record, I'm not either Republican or Democrat, I think they are both screwed up).

I don't remember her name and I only vaguely recall what she looked like.  She married one of my best friends, however.  We had looked at being business partners, we shared common interests of the outdoors and life's goals.  I was even his best man at their wedding.

Shortly after they were wed, we were having dinner at our house.  By this point in time, I had resolved to commission in the Marine Corps after graduating and she asked my opinion on women in combat.  It was and still is that they do not belong there.  Truthfully, no one belongs there, but if someone has to be there, it ought to be men.

Instantly, we went from a casual meeting amongst friends to her shrieking at me while informing me that I was a chauvinist pig.  My friend, her husband, seemed embarrassed and he got her to settle down.  Were it not for my respect of him, I would have discharged them both from my home without any regard to their emotions.  The evening ended awkwardly and I never saw my friend again - I guess she didn't approve of me...

My wife ran into her a few days later and she accused my wife of being brainwashed and a victim of patriarchal abuse because my wife shared(s) my opinion on women in combat.

True, it would be obtuse to use one anecdotal example to color an entire movement.  But, it has been almost a decade later and I have never met a feminist that has challenged my first impression.  Instead, they reinforce it.  Now, I know that the modern feminist are largely becoming a joke and there are many articles regarding how they hate men.  Something I have noticed in the past couple of years, however, is that they really hate women.

Self Image & Esteem

Look at their favorite spokes(people?) like Beyonce.  She makes a living by writhing around on a stage like a prostitute for fame and money.  Where do you think young women get their issues with self acceptance and modesty?  From the defamed "religious right" or people that are so narcissistic that they will sell their body to make money and gain control?  Oh wait, I meant to say work on their strengths and grow their talents to perform on stage...

But this is the issue, my daughter will always be my pretty princess - yet somehow I am a chauvinist for labeling her as such and damaging her.  I don't get it, I truly don't.  My wife and I will have to reassure our daughter in the coming years that she is beautiful and that her modesty and self respect (talking chastity here...) are signs of a self-assured, daughter of God while these feminists attack that foundation.

They will tell my daughter that she is not pretty enough because she doesn't dress and act like the Beyonce's of the world.  They will tell her that I rule her life by preventing her from living a life of sexual promiscuity.  They will tell her to turn on my wife and me due to our support of an "archaic patriarchal" order.  How is this a good and positive message?

Why can't they let my daughter be?

Goose, meet gander

Also, consider the question of women in combat.  First off, most women don't want to be in combat roles.  Yes, you will find the few with daddy issues that blare Beyonce and want to prove how powerful they are by beating up a bunch of guys, but for the normal gal - not so much.  What are the implications if they win this legal fight?  Equality?  Doubt it given that women are genetically different than men.  What will happen, however, is that they will reach a legal equality that comes with severe implications for all women in the US: the draft.

You see, along with this twisted male thought process comes a protection for the daughters in America in that they do not qualify for the draft.  This is not due to the benevolence of the government, oh no, it is due to them not qualifying to be in every billet in the military.  So, because a few shrieking banshees want this so-called equality, they will force my daughter to qualify for a draft.  I don't want any of my kids to register, but at least right now, my daughter is protected from it.

They do not represent the majority of women in the US, yet their actions will have impacts on every woman in America.  Every woman in America could potentially be drafted into the military to serve in any role.  That's right, the prom queen - that really scrawny gal that thinks walking between classes is a work out - might have to hump around over a hundred pounds worth of gear.

Yeah, that will show America what a real woman looks like... Oh yeah, every Marine female officer passes a hike more strenuous than what that weak lady did.  Go Army???  So yeah, if this whole "Army Strong" concept is hard on women, do you really wanna try the Marine Corps requirements?

Again, why can't they let my daughter be?

Life Aspirations & Values

Then, there is this concept of life aspirations and goals.  My wife has been under-valued and belittled by feminists for years.  They blame her for their inability to obtain their life goals because she has chosen to be a homemaker.  She has been accused of being mentally unstable, incompetent, shallow, and so on because she chose to be a wife and mother first in life.

First off, you have to find it hilarious that a group of catty women proclaiming to advocate the ability for women to choose and fulfill life goals will attack a woman for doing that.  If that were truly the case, women would be equal in their choices - whether that was being a homemaker or the powerhouse woman of the 90's that has no family (or memory of the guy that pounded her last night) but is CEO of some company.

Herein lies the problem.  This is the most terrifying statement to a feminist: the position they started with could be equal (or greater) than the one they are demanding.  Oh my gosh!  You mean that women were not under-valued when they were homemakers?  Then what is all the fuss over...?  So, clearly they can't support my wife - my wife has to be proven as invalid, a failure, or a sell out.  Otherwise, their whole mission and campaign is revealed with what it is - a bunch of discontent women that either can't get a man's attention or were burned by a bad one.

I was at a social dinner with my colleagues a few years ago and there was a staunch feminist there.  She is one of 15 or so people in her type of a role - in a company of 260,000 - that is saying something.  Her skill set is highly sought after and she probably makes around $500,000 before bonus.  Essentially, she is very successful.

While we discussed random topics, motherhood came up.  She was the first to chime in and it was very negative.  She declared how housewives are a detriment to feminism and an insult to real women who go and make a difference.  One of the men there (a gay guy who had adopted two kids with his partner and his partner stayed at home to take care of them) asked her how she managed to raise her children.  She dismissed any questions regarding her troublesome offspring.

I remember at one point he made the point that someone has to watch and care for the kids - even if it is a nanny.  She simply reiterated herself that housewives are unambitious failures.  She sulked in silence after the topic changed, brooding sourly over her wine.

Sadly, we have decades of proof from very successful men that state they wished they had spent more time with the family and friends.  They find themselves alone with all those zeroes they spent their life accumulating.  Now, as the mindset slowly begins to shift back to family for many working men, women are charging in to re-make the same mistake - but better!  You know what, my wife is proud to be a mother.  She is doing the one thing that a man can never do.  She is embracing herself as a woman and all that is feminine by doing so.

The Answer

So, why can't they leave my wife and daughter alone?  Simple, they are well-adjusted ladies.  They embrace and celebrate what it means to be feminine - they are everything a feminist cannot be.  That is why feminists hate my wife and daughter more than they will ever hate me.