It's not about you!

Sometimes on my commute I think about where my life is, where I thought I would be and where it seems I am heading.  Where I thought I would be is dependent on the time in my life you reference, but mainly, I had planned on being an officer in the Marine Corps.  Preferably in a spec ops or combat unit - making my way to a battalion commander.  I longed the burden of leadership, the stress and everything that goes with it.  I miss that most from the Marine Corps, being accountable for my Marines.  

Now, I work in a cubicle, usually repeating the same explanations over and over, only the audience changes.  I find it hard to consistently exercise, enjoy the outdoors and several other things that have been pillars of my daily tenants for years.  When I get a bonus, most of it either pays for an outstanding payment or is squirreled away in anticipation of one.  

But I don't care.  I am happy and most days when I think about it, I find myself praising God for His wisdom in guiding me to this path.  I am grateful He did not guide me to what I wanted and instead, to what I needed. 

Today at work, a woman came back from work after her 6 months of maternity leave.  She has had 3 kids back to back and has only worked maybe half a year in the past 3 or 4 as a result of this (my company does a phenomenal job in caring for its employees).  I saw her crying as she spoke with some sitter that she has outsourced her parental duties to.  Someone else saw her and in an attempt to ease her pain, joked lightly with her about choosing to return.  Her response, "well having kids is hard too".  It was a despondent answer from a woman that is not happy.  

I think about when I first met her, she had presented at my orientation.  There were about 8 guys in the room, she came in and stated in open disgust that this was a very non-diverse group.  As if we, the people hired by the company, had a choice in that.  As we got to know each other, it turned out we represented quite a few different walks of life.  All of us were very unique individuals, but her obtuse definition of diversity led her to view us as clones of each other only because of our sexual organs.  

A few weeks later, I overheard her and another woman gossiping like high school girls about who was having an affair with who in the office.  It was clear that both of them wanted one themselves.  

Fast forward a few years to now my observation of her misery and I have to laugh.  This is a woman that excels per feminism and worldly standards.  She has it all - husband, kids and career.  Yet, she drudges around the office, pining over other men and crying about her misery.  She has everything her feminist ideals have programmed her to have - yet she is devoid of joy.

On the other side, the only thing I have that I wanted as a child is a family.  Everything else is different, and I find myself more at peace in my life than I have ever been.  

My wife and I made some key decisions a few years ago that explain this difference.  We were at a rough spot in our marriage - both angry at each other and the kids for selfish reasons.  It was tearing us apart.  One day, when we were tired of arguing and fighting, we realized that we weren't putting our family first.  We were trying to live as if we were single adults still with two separate life plans ahead.  Naturally, that caused friction. 

We began the long road of forgiveness and decided to choose each other.  I hear parents complain about their kids and spouse all the time.  It is almost a cultural expectation, embedded into comedy and every form of entertainment.  Why?  I mean, we chose to live with each other - we chose to have kids.  

I think the issue is in our expectations.  We feel that the law of supply and demand does not apply in our personal lives for some reason.  No resource is limitless, however, so there must be compromise.  My time is limited as is my wife's.  What's even more limited, is our time with the children in our home.  Already, this year marks half of that time for our oldest. 

Sure, I can complain about not having my childhood dream job, or not having the 1.5 - 2 hours a day I want to workout.  But, last week I helped my son play Super Mario Brothers on the Wii.  I built a castle with my daughter on Minecraft and helped her get some "cute" animals for her to care for.  The weekend before that, I took my son camping in 20 degree weather where it was just the two of us.  While he was at Cub Scouts, my daughter and I played games in the house ruled only by the limits of her imagination.  

Both of our kids ask us to do things with them - do we always want to?  No, but usually my wife and I go along with it and end up loving it.  This is a life of sacrifice and service - we are serving our children and each other.  

It isn't about us as individuals - it is about our family.  But, as with country economics, if you spend your limited resources on items of value, your return will be justified and desirable.  By choosing to spend what we do have (in monies, time and energy) on our family instead of ourselves, we find the returns far outweigh the cost.  

I think this is the secret that God is teaching us - the true purpose of this life is to learn how to spend our gift wisely.  Death is the cost of our life, it is up to us to make it worth the price.  We need to forget ourselves and serve those around us - beginning with family.