I was born in a small town in Washington state, but the only memories I have of it are a few school days and a park where my brother and I would climb a cliff near a golf course. I still chuckle at our Mom's reaction when she came with us once and we showed her what we did.
I don't remember much of it as our family moved nearly every year. Due to my Dad's career and educational requirements, we were rather nomadic throughout my developing years. My parents have now returned to that quaint town as a college professors.
Driven Siblings:
My wife, kids and I visited them last fall and I remember a discussion I had with my Mom that has given me pause. But first, some context of what we were discussing
My brother had a very demanding, classified job for the alphabet soups before deciding he wanted to settle down and change careers. Naturally, he decided to be a doctor - cause that's how people settle down!
As for me, I joined the Marine Corps right out of college, earned my MBA while serving and now work for one of the largest consulting firms in the world in a leadership role.
My kid sister is studying to become a PA.
You look at these and and then consider the difference of what most people in a small, quaint town do. Most work on the fruit farms or cattle ranches in the area. Sales jobs for phone and software companies are common as well.
None of this is an indication of their work ethic or ability to work - rather a common trend among all people of staying where they were raised. It is the same for big city folk, just replace the agricultural jobs with fast food and Starbucks.
What would have been?
My parents have often expressed regret over how much they moved with us. For me, we had moved so I started my freshman year in a new town and then returned to a town we had once lived for my senior year. The longest we were ever in one place was 5 years in a row.
But as my Mom and I were talking that day, she wondered if the moving drove us to the careers we have - breaking the normal cycle of settling for what is local. My career choices have moved my wife and I more than a dozen times in our 10 years of marriage - a price most are not willing to pay. It creates an unusual advantage for me in my pursuit of increased responsibility and correlating pay.
That day, my Mom and I wondered if it would have been so if my parents had made different choices and stayed in that small, peaceful town. It was an interesting conversation - but no one will ever really know in the "what if's" we inflict upon ourselves.
Regardless, I am happy with who I am and where my life is headed.
Other points
What I have thought about, however, is the concept of friends. One truth that was hard for a young boy to learn was that people do not care about those that are not immediately near them. As we moved, I would seek to maintain friends via letters (the thought, pre-FB days!) and if we were in old towns I would ask my parents to see if we could stop by. Sad truth was, most had forgotten about me by the end of summer and had filled their friend requirement with someone there.
Then, at the new schools, I would find that people are not interested in new friends. It became increasingly difficult as the years went on to find people willing to add a new friend to the mix. I did have a few, treasured friends that I have stayed in touch with, however. Happily, I was able to re-connect with my oldest friend earlier this year.
The conversation with my Mom had planted this seed, making me wonder about those I had shared such happy and hard times with. It also makes me wonder about what the future holds for my children.
A dad's view:
When I look at my two children. My daughter is the definition of a social butterfly - it is just natural to her. She has such an engaging personality that it is hard to not laugh around her.
My son, on the other hand, is much more like me. Friendship seems a bit harder to find for him as he sits alone in a group. He already has his first bully, a young kid that is flashy and cool to the other kids and for some reason singles my son out. Not that my son acts that much differently than the other kids in his cub scout troop, but for some reason this defective boy has an issue with him.
I watched my son at a pine wood derby this past weekend, he was sitting next to the other boys, having fun until this bully came over. The nasty puke deliberately sat down between my son and the other boys - preventing him from interacting with them.
My son stays positive, stating that he will be nice still. I am proud of the man is becoming at this rate. It makes me wonder, however, if he will ever have more than the one or two precious friends like what I had growing up.
Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to martyr myself or my son, but there is a correlation to growing up to be a good, determined man and loneliness. Many of the most successful people grew up ostracized - I think that contributed to their success.
I do not envy the popular guy that is now living the life expected of him (I have seen a few from my past on social networking sites - many are miserable, divorced and racing to the bottom of society now). I have never followed the normal rules as I am not normal. Most people aren't, but I find most are afraid to acknowledge that fact.
Life lessons
My concern, is for my son's coming years - the pain that comes with these lessons learned. I remember the loneliest night I have had on this earth, I have only ever talked about it once or twice, but I learned from it and the days around it have guided my adult years - reliance in my God and Savoir is enough in this life.
It does not matter what anyone thinks of us - ourselves included. We are each a child of God - a perfect God that knows us more personally than we will ever understand. There are times of loneliness in this life - even Christ felt this way. If Christ, God's chosen redeemer and only perfect child, felt lonely, what makes us think we will not at some point?
What I am saying is that, I hope my son learns to rely on God when he is lonely. As much as I wish I could always be there for him, I will not be. I am a fallen man with an expiration date - but his relationship with his Savoir and Father in Heaven, that is always there in every moment of his life.
Friends will come and go - the few will stay, but our only source of complete companionship for all things is our relationship with our Heavenly Father through the miracle of Christ's sacrifice by the presence of the Holy Ghost.
If we maintain that relationship, all others will fall in place. Marriages will be improved and we will be the friend our friends deserve. We will never be alone or without support - regardless if we move or stay put.
I don't remember much of it as our family moved nearly every year. Due to my Dad's career and educational requirements, we were rather nomadic throughout my developing years. My parents have now returned to that quaint town as a college professors.
Driven Siblings:
My wife, kids and I visited them last fall and I remember a discussion I had with my Mom that has given me pause. But first, some context of what we were discussing
My brother had a very demanding, classified job for the alphabet soups before deciding he wanted to settle down and change careers. Naturally, he decided to be a doctor - cause that's how people settle down!
As for me, I joined the Marine Corps right out of college, earned my MBA while serving and now work for one of the largest consulting firms in the world in a leadership role.
My kid sister is studying to become a PA.
You look at these and and then consider the difference of what most people in a small, quaint town do. Most work on the fruit farms or cattle ranches in the area. Sales jobs for phone and software companies are common as well.
None of this is an indication of their work ethic or ability to work - rather a common trend among all people of staying where they were raised. It is the same for big city folk, just replace the agricultural jobs with fast food and Starbucks.
What would have been?
My parents have often expressed regret over how much they moved with us. For me, we had moved so I started my freshman year in a new town and then returned to a town we had once lived for my senior year. The longest we were ever in one place was 5 years in a row.
But as my Mom and I were talking that day, she wondered if the moving drove us to the careers we have - breaking the normal cycle of settling for what is local. My career choices have moved my wife and I more than a dozen times in our 10 years of marriage - a price most are not willing to pay. It creates an unusual advantage for me in my pursuit of increased responsibility and correlating pay.
That day, my Mom and I wondered if it would have been so if my parents had made different choices and stayed in that small, peaceful town. It was an interesting conversation - but no one will ever really know in the "what if's" we inflict upon ourselves.
Regardless, I am happy with who I am and where my life is headed.
Other points
What I have thought about, however, is the concept of friends. One truth that was hard for a young boy to learn was that people do not care about those that are not immediately near them. As we moved, I would seek to maintain friends via letters (the thought, pre-FB days!) and if we were in old towns I would ask my parents to see if we could stop by. Sad truth was, most had forgotten about me by the end of summer and had filled their friend requirement with someone there.
Then, at the new schools, I would find that people are not interested in new friends. It became increasingly difficult as the years went on to find people willing to add a new friend to the mix. I did have a few, treasured friends that I have stayed in touch with, however. Happily, I was able to re-connect with my oldest friend earlier this year.
The conversation with my Mom had planted this seed, making me wonder about those I had shared such happy and hard times with. It also makes me wonder about what the future holds for my children.
A dad's view:
When I look at my two children. My daughter is the definition of a social butterfly - it is just natural to her. She has such an engaging personality that it is hard to not laugh around her.
My son, on the other hand, is much more like me. Friendship seems a bit harder to find for him as he sits alone in a group. He already has his first bully, a young kid that is flashy and cool to the other kids and for some reason singles my son out. Not that my son acts that much differently than the other kids in his cub scout troop, but for some reason this defective boy has an issue with him.
I watched my son at a pine wood derby this past weekend, he was sitting next to the other boys, having fun until this bully came over. The nasty puke deliberately sat down between my son and the other boys - preventing him from interacting with them.
My son stays positive, stating that he will be nice still. I am proud of the man is becoming at this rate. It makes me wonder, however, if he will ever have more than the one or two precious friends like what I had growing up.
Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to martyr myself or my son, but there is a correlation to growing up to be a good, determined man and loneliness. Many of the most successful people grew up ostracized - I think that contributed to their success.
I do not envy the popular guy that is now living the life expected of him (I have seen a few from my past on social networking sites - many are miserable, divorced and racing to the bottom of society now). I have never followed the normal rules as I am not normal. Most people aren't, but I find most are afraid to acknowledge that fact.
Life lessons
My concern, is for my son's coming years - the pain that comes with these lessons learned. I remember the loneliest night I have had on this earth, I have only ever talked about it once or twice, but I learned from it and the days around it have guided my adult years - reliance in my God and Savoir is enough in this life.
It does not matter what anyone thinks of us - ourselves included. We are each a child of God - a perfect God that knows us more personally than we will ever understand. There are times of loneliness in this life - even Christ felt this way. If Christ, God's chosen redeemer and only perfect child, felt lonely, what makes us think we will not at some point?
What I am saying is that, I hope my son learns to rely on God when he is lonely. As much as I wish I could always be there for him, I will not be. I am a fallen man with an expiration date - but his relationship with his Savoir and Father in Heaven, that is always there in every moment of his life.
Friends will come and go - the few will stay, but our only source of complete companionship for all things is our relationship with our Heavenly Father through the miracle of Christ's sacrifice by the presence of the Holy Ghost.
If we maintain that relationship, all others will fall in place. Marriages will be improved and we will be the friend our friends deserve. We will never be alone or without support - regardless if we move or stay put.
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