Feeling Vs Reality

My wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary by going on a cruise to the Caribbean.  It was our first cruise (well, my first cruise not in a rusty Naval ship...) and we really enjoyed it.  The kids enjoyed being spoiled with the grandparents for a week as well, I'm sure we were not even a passing thought.

I enjoyed the quiet times afloat while Manda was reading her books I was able to sit and just think.  I would watch people and think about where I wanted my life to go.  Towards the end of the cruise, I realized something about people and how we set ourselves up for failure.  There were many people that felt an incessant need to be barely clothed - some with maintained bodies but many without.  

Regardless of shape or size, I would see people (of both genders) sitting around / in the pool alone but clearly viewing themselves as "sexy" in that moment.  It got me thinking how odd that is - how can a person truly be "sexy" if they are alone or only among strangers?  That can only occur if the view of sexy is something that is selfish and self-serving - the prideful desire to imagine strangers as objects or for a person to demand others view him or her as sexy.

Sexy is not something that we can declare or demand other's accept - it is something that others may describe a person with.  But sex is more than just the orgasmic connection of a man and a woman, it is a union of intimacy - and exposure of oneself and potentially a life-creating endeavor.

If we view "sexy" and the pleasure associated with it as something pertaining to an individual - then we begin to warp the biological and spiritual purpose of the act of sex.

Biological

As a species, humans require the act of sex to exist.  The very definition and driving genetic / biological differences between men and women are rooted in the concept of the family.  Men are stronger, larger and more athletic - this comes from the requirement to protect and provide for their family / community.  Women are smaller, have wider hips, and can produce milk - all things required for nurturing and raising children.

It has been proven that teenage girls that have multiple partners and regular intercourse are at a higher risk of cancer.  With this in mind, we must ask ourselves - was the body even designed for the ability to have promiscuous sex?

Many will argue that the biological development is irrelevant and that sexuality is a choice - not a thing of genetics.  That argument is so illiterate that it is not worth a response, but what ought to be understood is the risk of such behaviors.  For instance, teenagers are often not able to understand what a relationship looks & feels like as they only view it as the fulfillment of personal desire for sexual pleasure.

This change in how we approach relationships from a biological design to a personal preference view increases risk of abuse and transmission of disease.  For instance, 80% of all HIV cases are with homosexual and bisexual men.  These relationships are not in line with the biological purpose of sexual urges, leaving only selfish desires.

Spiritual

Spiritually, our existence extends beyond our mortal life - this is something common to all religions.  In my belief, our life began even before our life, I believe that each of us are spiritual children of God - our Heavenly Father.

In our life before mortality, He designed a plan that enabled us to come to earth, obtain a body and choose our path.  This was heavily focused on the family unit as our relationships will extend into the next life if we are married in accordance with His guidance.  Families are also crucial as children require a loving support structure as they develop into adulthood.

This requires the balance of both male and female input - the structure and nurture both provide are crucial to all children.  Gender did not begin at birth and it will not end at death.

What we have now

With the advent of these alternate lifestyles and things such as pornography - the pleasure of sex is becoming a thing of self-fulfillment.  It is a deviation in from a biological and a spiritual design of it. Sex can be a very fulfilling and unifying act between a man and a woman - this is part of why couples often have sex after arguing - there is an emotional aspect to it.

This view we have nowadays also perverts how we interact with people, we act as if we are desirable to strangers around us when we should be concerned if our spouse is attracted to us.  This requires a maturity beyond what our culture requires, however.

What could be

If we as a society learned that sexual actions were to be contained between a man and a woman, we would see a decrease in abuse, drug usage, sex trafficking, and unhappy families.  Depressions and suicides would be down - so much of life would be at peace.

All of these negative things in life occur when people begin to reject life for what it really is for what they want in life.  These fantasies and delusions create a divide that is emotionally sharp to the individual when reality closes in.  This creates rage, depression & overall feelings of isolation - all of which lead to drug usage and other destructive behaviors that hurt more than just the individual.

Instead of living in a pretend life, we could live in this life with all of its potential.  We have unlimited options for joy and peace as we unite in the manner God designed for man and woman merged in marriage.  

Egos & Politics - Welcome to Oz!

I have to deviate from my normal musings on my blog to address an irritation of mine that is increasing intensely as the election day draws closer.  I tire of the naivety of people and the persistent need they have to separate their feelings from reality.  Namely, there are two options for president this election cycle: Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.  For some reason, people have decided that the two of them are equivalent.  Not sure how that is possible given Hillary has been a key figure in every scandal within D.C. since Watergate where she was fired for ethics and left the Republican party.

People state that Trump is a Nazi, given that Nazi's were socialists that sought government oversight and control - not sure how that works either.  Maybe they are trying to state that he is a white supremacist because he wants to enforce America's sovereignty and is stating the same things that got Bill Clinton a standing ovation in the 90's.  I don't know, because apparently I am a mindless droid without a conscious given I will be voting for Trump.

If I were to adhere to the accusations levied against my fellow Trump voters (whether directly or indirectly) then I am a racist, homophobic, bigot that hates immigration and everything decent in life.  But hey, I've been told that business people are just greedy and the root of all evil in America anyway, so I guess I'm just being consistent!

If only I had a Heart!

I mean, if I had a heart, I could fall for false quotes made before a man was called as a prophet and can't be verified by anyone other than the man claiming he heard it.  For anyone not a Mormon - I am referring to the alleged quote that if you vote for the lesser of the two evils, you are still voting for evil.  This was allegedly stated by one of our prophets before he became a prophet, which means that even if he had stated it - it isn't doctrine.

The statement ignores the logical fallacy, which if true, indicates that there are always 1 good and 1 evil option in each presidential race.  Naturally, I will go to Hell if I cannot discern between the two and don't abstain from voting when there are two evil options running.  Of course, if I had a heart - I could feel out what to do when there are two good options as well...

Then, regardless of outcome, I could feel gleefully well of myself for surrendering my influence regarding who my leader is!  Oh the happy feelings - if only I had a heart...

If only I had a Brain!

If I had a brain, I could concoct a method of securing the presidential office of a democratic republic without the democratic part!  Oh yeah, that would prove elections are not corrupt or rigged at all!  I mean, if some guy with a classified past, no major endorsements or accomplishments wins with most voters not even knowing who he is - it will prove that the "will of the people" has won, right?

I could also realize that accusations of a public figure, weeks before election and years / decades since they occurred, prove his guilt with no need of due process!  Because America, of course!  I mean, people never accuse public figures with ulterior motives...

Of course, Trump may be guilty.  I would be willing to state he has done some morally bad things in his life.  I would also be willing to say that of everyone.  But, since I don't have a brain, I can't figure out that to constitutionally qualify for the presidency, a person must pass a set of religious & moral exams first - because equality.  Only those that are equal understand this principle, which brainless people such as myself complicate things by stating that not everyone thinks like me!

Naturally, if I had a brain, I could also find a way to reason out how my abstinence from main stream candidates had no impact in the election as well.  I mean, with the super delegates voting for Hillary (15% of her delegates already in the bag) and conspiring to throw the vote to the House (not the one right now, the one that will be in effect next year - so no one knows who will actually be there yet) clearly has no impact!

If only I had Courage! 

Only the truly courageous understand that it is brave to stand with what is popular - per the media.  Because, the non-stop barrage of things Trump does is clearly more news-worthy than what Clinton does.  I don't hear anyone talking about Hillary anymore, all I hear is anti-Trump comments.  There is this overall atmosphere where anyone voting for Trump is committing a heinous crime.  Comments expressing the moral high road of not voting for him imply heavily the moral deficiency of people such as myself that will be voting for him.

The statements I have seen against Trump voters are rather obscene and I won't post the examples that come to mind with that statement on my blog.  Regardless, the mentality of disagreeing with Trump for president is not based on political discussions, no, it is based on the debasement of those that support him.  If only I was courageous, I would understand that going with the flow, taking the easy way of stating "Trump is EVIL!!" is much more brave than voting for the best of the two options presented to me.  Because, actually making a choice between the two options is clearly not as brave hitting the "other" button.

I aspire to teach my children that when you face a dilemma that you should start manufacturing alternatives - regardless of viability - so that you can avoid the pressure of stewardship and accountability.  That way they can be courageous and look back in disdain as to when I was on the wrong side of history!

Behind the Curtain:

Ultimately, there are no great and all powerful wizards that will come and eradicate our life's trials.  Even Christ, our Master and Savior, only offers a way through our trials - He will not remove them from us.  What I tire of, is this endless banter of insulting people for their choice in voting.  It seems we have replaced the rameumptom with a voting booth.

One candidate will not make or break this country - but a country full of fractured families and morals will.  Those that rise to the top as options for leadership are a result of what is valued in the country.  Rather than railing on each other, if what we see is that dire, we ought to extend the hand of fellowship to the opposing side, break bread together and seek to understand.

The healing cannot start, however, until we all wake up and realize that we are in this together.  It is more important that we unite as a people than continue to attack others for disagreeing with us.  

Manly Defined, Faithful

Previously, I posted about how "manly" is achieved with Soberness and by being Resolute.  This is the third and final post about how a man becomes sufficiently "manly" in order to fulfill the three P's (Provide, Preside & Protect).

Much of what men are revered for is their ability to fulfill duty - this is because the central purpose of manhood is to care for others.  A man that does not stretch and grow his ability to care for himself, his family and the others in his life is a man without respect.  The unspoken & unwritten expectation of service is missing and therefore the "man" will always be less than desired.

This is why, even if a man is Sober & Resolute, he must still be Faithful.  He must be true to himself, his family and his God.

Faithful to Self

As with all things in manhood - faithfulness begins with the ability to be true to self.  I was working out with my son the other day and I told him to a certain number of bicycle kicks for our abs set.  He finished in about a quarter of the time it ought to have taken him and so when my 2 minutes of misery were up, I asked him how many he had done.  He claimed to have done the requested number, so I took the opportunity to teach him a life lesson.

By him taking the shortcut in a workout, he would not be graded poorly and I wouldn't be able to prove he had cheated.  He could go through the workout with me pretending to exert himself and there would be no penalty.  No addition of chores, no lectures for poor performance, no denial of play time or any other lever my wife and I pull when the kids don't feel like doing their homework.  I explained to him that what would happen, however, is that he would never develop his body.  He would fail to learn how to subject his body to his will and he would not get stronger.

I asked him if he wanted to be strong like me, which he eagerly answered "yes".  That is when I told him that I didn't cheat in my workouts.  I never took a shortcut, I don't walk - I don't let up.  I push myself until I have either reached the predetermined count or the timer goes off.  I don't care if I puke, get dizzy or feel nauseous - my body is subjected to my will.

He thought about it for a minute and then laid down and finished his bicycle kicks.  For the rest of the workout period, he gave his all and produced a good sweat for the first time.  You could see his self confidence grow as he realized he could do more than what he had done in the past.

After that workout, he has been eager to continue exercising with me.  We'll see how long it continues, but he has achieved a key milestone on his way to manhood - being Faithful to himself.

Too often in life we decide to give ourselves a break because we are tired or we think we earned it.  I don't refute the idea of re-charging to ensure you are ready for the stress, but the concept of earning "breaks" is about the dumbest thing I have heard these metrosexual wannabes pretending to be men teach.  A man's goal should not be rest but accomplishment.  Accomplishment requires work and dedication.  If our inner drive is work hard to rest, then we will start cutting corners in our work.

This is the same for everything we have in life - if my goal is not to love and serve my wife, then selfish desires will rule the moments of stress in our marriage - which is a recipe for failure.

Stress has a great way of revealing what really matters, which is why we must know ourselves in advance of the dire moment.  If we are truly Faithful to self, then the review and inventory of desires and progress will provide accurate insight as to how our progression is coming along.

Faithful to Family

All men have families - even if they are not yet married, they come from one.  Many men build bonds of brotherhood as well - this is seen in the military, fire departments and other dangerous professions.  In the absence of these, there are fraternal organizations and other social areas - essentially, men are a social creature.  We value ourselves based on our ability to contribute to those we include in our lives.

All of these are admirable, but the cornerstone should be the emphasis a man places on his family.  Men ought to be focused on marrying and building their family as this is the crowning aspect of the three P's.  A man is faithful to his family while he is single by having the appropriate focus on preparing to care for one.  This should guide how the man dates, works and secures adequate income.

Once married, a man must be faithful to his wife.  This means he does not joke about her in a negative way - the old "ball & chain" or "the boss" terms reveal friction in what is to be the most dear relationship to a man.  Even if there is friction, a public audience is not appropriate.

This also includes his fidelity in thought.  Seeking fantasies and desires of other women - no matter how famous - is unacceptable behavior.  Many crass and loathsome people justify selfish desires for debauchery with select persons - their "hall pass" if you will - but this is not being faithful to your spouse.  A man must be above this and must not accept such behaviors from his wife.

Being faithful to other people includes setting rules of how they may treat you.  Without such clear communication, a man will develop distaste and irritation towards those in his life.  There will be a silent void filled with animosity that the man creates each time he is treated in a way that is inconsistent with what he desires.  This is why a man must clearly state what is expected from those in his life, cowardly silence in martyring of self is beneath manhood.

A man must also be faithful to his children.  This is achieved by his focus towards them - how does he spend his time and money?  Does he expend his scarce resources in the pursuit of individual interests, or does he devote his resources to those that depend on him?  I see many men with new phones and toys but their children are denied vacation time with them as they "cannot afford it".  I have also seen many kids with fancy toys yet lack the valued mentorship a father provides.

If a man is to be faithful to his family - he must invest all that he has in their betterment.  They must be the focus that drives his actions.

Faithful to God

The root word of Faithful is Faith, so it is an easy step to discuss how Faith in and towards God is the crowning aspect of becoming "manly".  Perhaps what is different by what I mean by this is what being Faithful to my Father means to me.  I do not view faith as some flippant emotion like the new age crap that is sold in many churches these days.  Faith in Christ is not some "self-help" guide, it is the stringent submission of will and action to our Savior and to the Father.

God, our Father, loves us not because we are good but because He is good.  He has given us this sacred opportunity to develop and grow ourselves sufficiently to return to His presence.  Naturally, this is beyond our pathetic abilities, so in His wisdom, He provided us a Savior, Jesus Christ.  Our Savior completed all the will of the Father, fulfilling His demands and became our new law giver.  The price of admission is simple - all that we have to give.

All that we have sounds like much to us in a material culture, but it really isn't that much.  Let us not forget that Christ created all that we have under the direction of the Father - there is nothing physical that They do not already own.  The only thing we truly own, is our birthright.  We are heirs of the God of all, with that comes the ability of free will.  The only thing that is ours, is only ours because of our Father and Savior - and it is the price we must pay: our agency.

To be Faithful to God means to bear his name with dignity.  Not as a mindless zealot shrieking at those that disbelieve or disagree, but as Christ did - with Resolute, Soberness.  We must not be ashamed or embarrassed of the actions required by God.  How insulting is it to parents when the children apologize to their friends over what the parents have demanded?  Now imagine how arrogant it is for us to apologize for what God has told us to do.  It is astounding how common place this is.

I see many yearn for life without rules, they find the disobedience of others to be appealing, much like Lot's wife did.  They reveal their intent with their forbidden desires.  To desire sin is to mock God, to apologize for obedience is to patronize Him.  To not seek His guidance and will is willful rebellion.  All of these are beneath a man of God.

For a man to be truly Faithful, he must study himself for broken desires and seek guidance from the Master in how to dismantle them.  Each day must be a sacrament to God in how the man focuses on his duties - ensuring that his wife and children will find faith in his example.

This is the capstone of being "manly" - a Sober mind, Resolutely engaged in being Faithful to self, family and God.  

Manly Defined, Resolute

This is the second post regarding how men become "manly" enough to achieve the three P's: Provide, Preside & Protect.  The three P's are what men do and I am trying to quantify how men become "manly" enough to achieve them.

In my first post about defining what "manly" is, I outlined how a man is of a sober mind.  It seems to be the most reasonable starting point as a man ought to understand how to connect with others.  That begins with the ability to be reasonable and in control of his faculties.

Once that is achieved, a man can change how others depend on him.  To be clear, it is required for a man to be depended upon - it is what we do.  As we Provide, Preside & Protect, we gather others under our umbrella of influence.  Which means it is not manly to be dependent.  Self sufficiency is an obvious milestone on the route to becoming a man.  As a boy grows into adolescence, his father should encourage him adventuring out and building his own kingdom.

If we are to be honest, that is what we men want - our own kingdom.  We want our claim in land and revenues to ensure our influence is felt and matters.  We want to have something for our wife to nurture.  This is part of being Resolute.

Resolute is to be admirably purposeful, determined and unwavering.  I see 4 aspects in which a man must be Resolute in his life: Body, Emotions, Mind & Spirit.

In Body

The most basic area of our life, the physical capsule by which we experience life.  As broken and frail as it is, our bodies are capable of amazing feats.  Historically, cultures had rites of passage for boys to become men - these varied extremely but all tended to revolve around overcoming pain and being physically capable.

Boys that were not capable of enduring pain were not worthy of manhood, likewise with those that were weak and unhealthy.  This goes back to the fulfillment of the three P's.  Whereas I am glad many of the rites are done away with, they prove the point that all societies have viewed a man as someone who had to be in control of their body.  Why, is the question.

To me, it begins with the concept of trust.  I will not take financial advice from a person with no assets, nor will I take shooting advice from someone who has only played Call of Duty.  A man that is Resolute in how he maintains his body shows that he has at least subverted the most basic common denominator we mortals have.  How can you trust someone to Protect you, to Provide for you or to Preside over you - if he has not done those things for himself?

If a man were to disregard his health and lose control of his body - he surrenders his will to the lowest common denominator of all humanity.  That is not a complimentary statement.

A man needs to be looked up to.  This begins with self control - something that cannot be faked.

With Emotions

Life is full of ups and downs.  I remember a key meeting a few years ago I was in as a consultant.  We hit a critical discussion with our client and our leadership stated that if things didn't change, they would end the deal.  The client was very upset and the meeting ended poorly.  Afterwards, I discussed it with my mentor (she was the one that told the client we would end the deal) and I had one question for her: was this normal?

Inside my head, thoughts were whirling around regarding my future employment but my mentor put me at ease by answering my question with a "yes".  The difference between her and I?  She was accustomed to how these type of deals went as opposed to what I was - a Marine Officer trying to figure out what everyone was saying.  In other words, experience.

Our emotions are this way as well.  I recall watching kids in high school listen to soundtracks and their moods would change from song to song.  I thought it pathetic then and I see no reason to change my mind.  With all that happens in life, a man must be Resolute with his emotions if he is to be dependable.

This will bring a calming presence to his sphere of influence - something that is needed at all points in life.  People make far too many stupid decisions because they are on an emotional high or low, they flippantly bounce from one to the other at a rate that makes the decisions seem almost logical.  I have heard many state "it was worth it!" as justification for a wretched choice.

As children develop and grow, they will have many confusing days and nights where they need a Resolute authority figure to anchor themselves to.  This is for the father.  As we live and experience life, we ought to learn how to be Resolute emotionally.  We must be stable and not allow the hiccups of routine occurrences impact our emotional state.  This will provide the security a man's children need, as does his wife and as those he leads in other aspects of life.

In Mind

Perhaps this is more difficult these days, I'm not sure.  True, we have more knowledge at our fingertips than ever before in the human experience, but we also are more easily distracted.  I watch the neighborhood kids cruise around with one hand on their bike / scooter and the other on their phone.

I have no idea what would be so fascinating for a 10 year old that would require such a constant fixation, but I see it all the time.  Same as when I travel - I once saw someone state we had less than a 5 minute wait at an airport and about half the line sat down and pulled out their phones.  It was eerie as it was all in sync.

Regardless of the source of distraction - it is key for a man to withstand them and be Resolute mentally.  As he does this, he will stay focused and enable the application of his knowledge.  He will understand what is going around him, ensuring that his involvement will be productive.

When it is time to learn and study, he will not cede to slothful or playful behaviors, rather, he will apply his intellect in a way that will ensure his mind will be expanded.

When his children discuss concerns with him, he will be focused on them and only them - gaining their confidence in both his attention as well as his ability to respond in the needed way.

Likewise, whenever he is interacting with someone, he will be Resolute mentally and be there with that person.  This action of becoming a reliable and trusted confidante is crucial to fulfilling the three P's.

In Spirit

I have listed these in an ascending order, beginning with the most base and then working through the more complex facets of how a man ought to be Resolute.  In spirit is the capstone to all of these as after a man has become a Resolute individual, he must be Resolute in his acknowledgement of who he serves.

For me, this is Christ.  I cannot claim Him as my Master unless I first gain control of myself.  If I am an unruly person - either physically, emotionally or mentally - how can I offer devotion to anyone?  I cannot be Resolute in my devotion to my God and King, the Savior of my soul, if I am not first at the helm in my life.

As a man develops this control, he can find that inner peace that comes only from the confirming protection of a Master that has accepted him.  How confident he will become as the Master takes him in and gives him comfort and security with his guidance.

Without service to someone greater, then a man devolves to self worship, twisting the three P's into some cruel perversion of what was intended.  With the service to someone greater, the man is elevated in his ability to perform the three P's and will draw other successful people to him.

The building upon a Sober mind with a Resolute man leads to his ability to be Faithful, which will be the next post.

See the first post: Manly Defined, Sober
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful

Manly Defined, Sober

This will be a series of 3 posts outlining the characteristics I define "manly" by.  I have listened to many try to explain this, but it isn't something that is easy to do.  It is much easier to define what men do - this is given to us: Provide, Preside & Protect.  But how does a man become "manly" enough to accomplish these things?

My wife got me thinking about this a few months ago when she outlined what a woman is to our daughter: Courageous, Happy & Kind.  It has really helped our daughter see how off the mark her temper tantrums are as well as numerous other points of obstinance.  What is great about it, is that we are no longer just punishing for something wrong, we are also encouraging what is right.  It is a complete discipline cycle now.

I have struggled with choosing words to use with our son and now that I have chosen the ones I define "manly" with, I still find them difficult to convey to a child.  I am hoping that as I continue refining my view, I will be able to explain them simply enough for my son.

The three defining characteristics of what makes a man "manly" are as follows:

1. Sober - regarding the attitude and outlook in life
2. Resolute - in body, emotions, spirit and mind
3. Faithful - to self, family and God

Defining Sober

First off, it must be acknowledged how pathetic our society now is considering "sober" means simply - free from drug or drink.  To me, that is like saying to prepare for Olympic competitions, I won't eat McDonald's 3 times a day for two years.  Whereas, yes, diet control is a key component in preparing for athletic competitions - something as base as abstaining from steady fast food isn't even worth mentioning to a serious athlete.

To be sober or of sober mind, a man must control his attitude in life.  It must be appropriate for the circumstance in which the man is in and never in excess.  For instance - think of a party and there is that one insecure guy that is just over-the-top in all that he does at the party.  He really lives the party, dude!  To the point, people only laugh because they are laughing at him and his invitations go down equal to the rate he tries to party harder.

Or on the flip side, imagine a funeral where a man collapses and publicly loses control of his faculties.  Some misguided and insecure few may go to comfort him, but the desire of all - and action of most - will be to put distance between them and the man.  Why?  Not because they are selfish, but because the man can't be helped by them.  Someone who has lost control of their inner self cannot be assisted by others.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying oneself at a party or mourning the loss of a loved one, but there are bounds of which the emotions of the time must be limited to.  It is indeed manly to experience all the emotions of the human experience, but only with the appropriate people and in the appropriate circumstance and to the appropriate amount.  To do otherwise is to breed embarrassment, both towards yourself (as you ought to feel shame after you regain control) and in others that are witnessing the behavior.

A great example here - just as my wife and I were dating and things were beginning to look serious, we had a college professor that made a comment about how we would soon be wed.  I stopped holding my wife's hand and hardly talked to her for a day or so.  Why?  Not because it was a horrid option, but because that level of commitment was beyond what I had with my wife at that time.

Think of awkward dating stories where men and women profess love too soon, it is not sober at all.  It is insecure, irrational and void of depth.  When I did propose to my wife, I did so in a sober fashion.  We had just finished watching a movie together and I knelt before her as she sat on the couch and calmly explained to her how I had lived my life in a way to prepare for having a family.  I told her that I had been searching for someone to advance through life with and I wanted it to be her.

She cried, I held her while she gained control and we set a date.  I was not a braggart by calling upon the masses of strangers in a public place to add drama to the special moment.  Instead, I did so in a sober fashion, I was in control of my faculties as I expressed my desires for marriage to my sweetheart.  I gave the proposal the private respect it deserved, an intimate moment between two people in love.

Why is it a "Manly" Characteristic?

When you view a man as someone who Presides in his home and conquers the world to Protect and Provide for his family, you imagine a reputable man.  Someone that others respect and heed his advice - not some flippant man-boy that arrogantly or naively flitters from one emotion to the next.

It is not possible to think well of someone who cannot act appropriately - that type of person generates embarrassment.  A man should be a source of wisdom and comfort, which is rooted in how sober he is - in other words, how capable he is to be reasonable, to be calm and in control of himself.  He must measure his thoughts, words & deeds against the desired impact and choose his actions based on expected consequence.

Think also of the impact this is for the family.  As the husband and father is to Preside over his family - how can they respect him if he cannot first show that self control that is a result of a sober mind?  How can a wife revere her husband as wise if he vacillates on his principles and desires?  Or how can the children have a feeling of security if their father is erratic?  Some days he comes home screaming in anger and others singing in praise - but it is all dependent on the results of something outside of the home (employment, politics, etc.) and their needs are subordinate to their father's irrational swing of emotions.

A man, a true man, must be of sober mind.  When he is, all around him will acknowledge this and treat him as such.

This is also a foundation for the next characteristic - to be Resolute.  You cannot become Resolute until you first have the self awareness to understand the impact of your words and actions.

See the second post: Manly Defined, Resolute
See the third post: Manly Defined, Faithful 

You da Boss!

"We cannot direct the winds, but we can adjust the sails." -Bertha Calloway

I can't help but laugh when I see people compete for the saddest story award.  Even with my competitive nature, I cede that title as quickly as I can.  It almost seems with the cultural Marxist changes we have in America that it is desirable to have the most pitiful life.  It's like a badge of honor to many people.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  I usually do a good job of at least academically understanding another point of view, but this one I cannot.

I'm not sure where it comes from either - is it the "everyone gets a prize" mentality?  Is it the fact that we treat children so lightly anymore that they don't know how to grow up?  Whatever the causes, I'm sure there are more than just one.

There is a concept of tenacity we have lost in our day of modern convenience.  Technology and the safety net of the welfare state have removed many risks from our lives - to the point where consequence has lost its meaning.

What Once Was:

Before the concept of a free people, before transportation and technology were able to connect a nation - countries were ruled by very few in a select group of families.  Their reach was limited, however, to the number of fields they could control.  Starvation was a very real risk, as were illnesses and injuries we have largely done away with.

The royals protected their family with politics - marriages and loyalties were exchanged for the confidence of support from insurrection, invasion or other common issues.

The common folk had no such abilities.  Rather, they relied on the community as a whole.  Their government did not provide for them, they provided for the government.  Instead, the church or later on the fraternal organizations and guilds were relied upon.  As each man joined a group, he imparted some of his earnings to the community that was dispersed to whomever was in need.  Members that did not pay their dues, were expelled from the support community.

A great lesson is learned from the original colonists.  They were a religious community, intent on being equal in all things.  As such, they adopted communal farming, which nearly lost the colony to starvation.  People no longer worked as much.  The colonies switched to private land and the people thrived.

The actual thing that changed was the accountability.  People had to take charge of their own fate and were only helped after they first helped themselves.  Given the harsh living conditions, a lazy beggar could not be tolerated.  Consider the synergy of that - everyone working to take care of themselves, removing the need and demand for public support.  The only cases that would remain would be the families struck by illness or accident.

What Is Now:

Now, our budget is heavily weighed with welfare type requirements.  See the chart below.

When you add up: Welfare; Health Care; Transportation; & Pensions - you have 53% of the budget.  More than half is consumed by expenses where the government is providing something for the people.

And to be clear, the government does this by taking from people who have it and give it to the people who do not.

Look below at the misguided reality that is feminism - these were right next to each other in a site devoted to making sure women are protected equally.  The first one, makes sense to discuss, but the second one?  The fact that it is even a discussion point shows how dependent we have become in our society.  That, coupled with the fact that it is prioritized at the same level as strangulation, is another disturbing fact.

This obsessive need to be cared for is childish to the extreme.  It is rampant in our society, everywhere from the view of "living wage", the "right to loans with below market risk rates", grades for effort vice performance and so on.  Instead of a synergistic push as a society for self sufficiency, there is a race to dependency.  The winner, of course, is the most victimized.

What Could Be:

But what could be?  We see people that are written off all the time, here are some examples of what the indomitable human spirit can achieve when this public opinion is ignored:

• Man runs after ignoring doctor's advice 
• Medal of Honor recipient that was medically discharged from the Army, he refused it and ended up going back to Vietnam where he then earned the Medal of Honor.  (first few minutes are President Reagan presenting his award, at minutes 9:14 - 12:14 he describes how the Army medically discharged him and he stayed in)
• Children in India teach themselves computer science without teachers

Imagine - how amazing this life would be if we stood on the developments of those before us and sought to better everything in our lives.  There would be no mystery or puzzle beyond our ability to solve, our genetics that are rooted in God would shine and overpower our frail, mortal frames.

It is interesting how we as people always seem to gravitate to someone who will tell us what to do.  I'm not certain if it is something trained in school or if we do it in school because it is natural to us.  It is true, God is not only our Father but also our King.  But, He is a King we do not have to worry about what we are told to do.  We do have to worry about what other people tell us to do, however.  Behind the guise of "helping" us, many seek to enslave us in apathy.  We must learn to push back on this - to embrace our responsibility regarding our life's choices.

There is freedom in this, once we accept that we are accountable for our own choices and thereby their success and failure - we are free to succeed.  If we remit our personal stewardship to circumstance or other people, we acknowledge that we are enslaved by such.  How sad it is that we teach this so broadly in a vain attempt to help children feel better about failure.  We teach them to relinquish freedom for a momentary and pathetic reprieve from the pangs of not being enough.  Wouldn't it be better if we taught the children to overcome this with determination?

Value vs Feeling

There are a few moments in my life that I wish I could erase or time travel back and completely do over.  Of course, I cannot do that.  I can only hope to learn from them and re-focus how I act in the now so that tomorrow I will not be regretting my actions today.

An Example:

One of these poignant moments was when I was a missionary for my church in London, England.  It was a Saturday evening downtown, a group of us missionaries had just finished watching a 2 hour instructional session led by our church leadership.  There was a group of 6 or 8 of us as we left the chapel, feeling great about how we were in England, serving God's children.  We were also enjoying the brief moment of company - usually we were isolated throughout the weeks and would only see the missionary we worked with.

We happily made our way down a crowded street to find a nearby fast food joint to stuff our happy faces with some so-called nourishment.  It was in October so was rather cold and there was the usual London drizzle that night.  Like most large cities, London's sidewalks were covered in scaffolding as buildings changed owners or time periods they represented.  Under one of these ominously dark covers, we walked past a young woman who was wearing a shabby, white night gown.  

Her pretty face was masked in anxious isolation as she sat huddled up against the scaffolding beams clutching her legs.  She trembled in cold and fear.  I paused, looking at her knowing that she was in dire need of help.  Her bare feet were bright red, contrasting her fair English skin.  When she sensed me looking on, she clenched her legs tighter and averted her eyes to the pavement.  What happened next, I wish I could change.  I wish I could change it because I failed her, I failed my God, my Savior, and myself.  What did I do?  I left.  I kept walking the hundred yards or so to the warm, bright scene of cheap and filling food.  

I had just finished an inspiring meeting, feeling close to God and the Holy Ghost as I served my Savoir but when I found an instance to actually live my religion, I did not.  Sure, I promised myself while I was joking with the other missionaries that I would talk to her on the way out, but it was just a thing to make me feel better.  Unsurprisingly, she was gone when we left the restaurant later on.  

I think about that night and I think about how we as people lie to ourselves with how we make faux offers.  President Hinckley, a prophet from my church said it best I think:

"One of the great tragedies we witness almost daily is the tragedy of men of high aim and low achievement. Their motives are noble. Their proclaimed ambition is praiseworthy. Their capacity is great. But their discipline is weak. They succumb to indolence. Appetite robs them of will."

Social Norm Failures:

I often hear people say that because they "tried hard" or that they "meant well" while they explain what went wrong.  It seems there is a disconnect with our ability to recognize truth when it comes to failures.  For instance, how many kids get trophies at events nowadays?  It boils my blood when some sissy hands my son a trophy he didn't earn.  "Participation Awards" are such a slap in the face to me. 

Is that what we are seeking to reward in society - the fact that someone participated?  No expectations of how well they performed, just that they fogged a mirror while there.  This is where what we do does not match what we say.  We tell people to try their best and then reward them regardless of the result of that best.  Imagine any hero - how different would it be if they were not required to overcome something significant in their past?  

We celebrate mediocrity in every facet of life now.  Consider the stupidity of "extra credit" at schools.  I recall in my high school biology course, I could do cross word puzzles for it.  Did I do them?  Of course!  The real question is, did I do the actual work - which the answer is occasionally.  I didn't have to do it, I could do cross word puzzles.  

Don't Forget Politics:

Right now, there is a great example of this separation from action and consequence as the action makes someone "feel good" without actually accomplishing anything.  Last year I had predicted Bernie Sanders would win (I underestimated how corrupt the DNC & Hillary actually are).  To me it was simple, there were too many RNC runners.  I think there were 17, which meant that by primaries, the RNC would be fragmented leaving most of the voters jaded.  This would allow the DNC candidate to pull ahead.

Sure enough, Trump won the bid and now the country is falling apart over it.  The media runs non-stop anti-Trump stories and people by it wholesale.  Of course, the pitiful "3rd Party" options are out in force with the "settle for me!" slogans, but there are a couple problems here:

• There isn't just one "3rd Party" option - there are 2 that will actually make the ballot (who knows the amount beyond that for write-ins)
• The DNC has super delegates that don't have to vote with what the people choose

With both of these facts in mind, you have to ask yourself - how will my vote count the most?  If you vote for an alternate party, it may or may not impact the voting based on whether or not you are RNC or DNC.  The DNC voters won't count when they jump ship.  The RNC voters will and they will take electoral votes from Trump, which only helps Clinton.

The risk here is 1 - 3 Supreme Court Justices.  But because people don't like Trump as a person, they will vote for someone else.  This might make them feel proud of themselves to stand on their moral superiority podium for a bit and defy the heathen Trump, but what the result of this naivety will be is the securing of a Hillary's presidency.  Arguably the most corrupt person ever in American politics.  

In the Family:

A sister-in-law of mine recently posted on Facebook that she had been called an "elitist" because she has secured charter & magnet school spots for many of her children.  I chuckle at this, it is elitist, but not in a negative way.  It is elite in that parents have diligently selected options to ensure their children will succeed.  Much like each military has an elite unit for dire needs - it is their "best foot forward" with them.  How is this bad for parents to do this with their children?

I am confident that if I read this in a couple of decades and think about where my nieces and nephews have landed in life, they will have secured successful positions ins life.  Why am I confident in this?  Simple, this is an excellent example of parents guiding their children to success.

I listen to many parents talk - both in social media and in person - and it is tragic.  There are a high amount of parents that want nothing to do with their children.  Society now views it successful when both parents work because this means each parent is pursuing individual dreams.  You need to take a step back and think about the implications of that to realize how devastating of a reality it is.

Why should anyone in a marriage be pursing a solely "individual" pursuit?  As Christ taught, they twain shall be one flesh - meaning that there is a convergence of two lives into one through the divine institution of marriage.  This requires sacrifice from both the husband and the wife.  So many marriages feel and look like a contractual roommate with sexual benefits.  This is not happiness and certainly not the environment to raise a child.

Now, consider the impacts of pursing individual goals with children.  Kids don't know the fancy terms of emotional abuse or emotionally unavailable parents or so on - but they know how it feels.  They know rather keenly where they fall in a parent's priorities.

By pursuing individual goals, we may accomplish some great things in life - but we will ruin the only amazing thing we own that lives beyond this life.  The difference is perspective.  It may be fun to have perpetual guy or gal nights, living like you are in college and having lots of fun and games.  It may even make you feel good about yourself.  It is, however, irresponsible to ignore the impact of the decision.  The impact is a lonely bed at night and a single plate at the table for all eternity.

In Conclusion

It is important to always review our actions through the lens of results and impact.  If not, we fulfill the age old saying from Saint Bernard of Clairvaux: "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."