Of Boys & Men

I have never been a fan of divisive lines that categorize people.  I learned this distaste from the Book of Mormon in a few chapters that cover the time of peace held by the ancient American inhabitants after Christ had visited them.

"There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God."

I find that inspiring - I also find it as a road map to civility.  That is why I am never a fan of the people like "feminists" or "[Insert X] - American".  They separate people - creating schisms and highlighting differences with the sole purpose of debating them.  It is not helpful or healthy in the slightest, a desire for solution must be in each side of an argument if there is to be progress.

Having said that, there are some divisions that are natural and healthy - even required.  What I am referring to here, is gender.  Men and women - the genetic basis of all life that is not asexual.  I'm not a scientist, so I don't have much to say on the X's & Y's, but as a husband, father and man of faith - I have plenty.

There are things that are masculine and there are things that are feminine and there are things that are neutral.  Obviously, women have a vested interest in what is masculine and men have a similar interest in what is feminine - but it is not women's role to define what is masculine any more than it is man's to define what is feminine.

So - Called "War on Men"

I say this as I have found a disturbing trend develop over the past several years (or at least I have discovered it in that time-frame).  Many have spoke about it as a "war on men" - and solicit awareness from both genders.  I differ at that point.  It is not a war on "men" - it is a war on society.  Men are not some special interest group anymore than women are.  An attempt to marginalize either sex will result in an unbalanced society.

This has implications beyond what is expected of men, but this is a post on how men and boys are impacted by it.  Men do not need women in defining manhood to the rising generation.  Again, it is not for women to define what is masculine, therefore, women are not needed to secure it.  Men are needed.  Rather than explaining how pathetic we become as we emasculate ourselves in the search of faux equality, please read this joke of an article from one of the "men" I am describing.

A true man holds first himself accountable and then those around him.  In this generation of bumper sticker slogans fueled by communist failure and driven with the satanic intent to diminish the principles of masculinity - too many boys are raised by women (and men that wish they were women).  No, we do not need women to solve this, we need men.

What is Masculine?

When it comes to standards and expectations - we cannot use our own opinions.  My view of what is masculine is founded upon what I believe God has instructed through his prophets living today.  Years ago (before this document would have been considered radical) the Prophet and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles released a document titled "The Family: A Proclamation to the World".

It is important that this is defined, I am not adhering to my personal opinion - I am adhering to the precepts of deity.  One may disagree with my, but know that the disagreement is much more fundamental than the view of manhood.

The Proclamation states:

"ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

and:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

The three "Ps" as my Father called them: Preside, Provide & Protect.  At some point, I firmly believe that all men will stand before our Savoir and recount our performance in these areas.  

Preside

This is the one where the feminists and emasculated men will complain the most over.  Their view of what presiding is has been distorted by evil and degenerate men and women that rule with spite in their respective spheres.  

Presiding is to have authority over - yes, but authority is not evil or loathsome.  It is a part of life.  The wife and children will look to the man for guidance in key decisions.  Naturally, he will solicit input from them in return, but he must be capable of this burden.  This requires confidence and experience in life - from both success and failures.  

In this role, the man can act as a shepherd for his family as Christ does for the church.  Guiding his loved ones to listen and adhere to the principles our Savior taught.  If he is not assertive or able to maintain control of his emotions - he will fail in this regard.  

If he fails, he will require his wife - the alleged love of his life - to absorb his duties as well as hers.  He will teach his children that men are not capable and that women must overcome their weaknesses.  This is seen today, as men withdraw selfishly from the family, the world begins to leave them behind.  

Again - we need men to solve this issue.  

Provide

It is true that society has evolved past our ancestral times of hunting & gathering.  Any walk (er drive...) down to the mall will show that we have plenty of food and basic needs provided for here in America - as also evidenced by our gluttonous lifestyles resulting in obscene levels of obesity.  

So what is a man to provide?  Many that advocate that the men are no longer required reference the amount of women now earning as much or more than their husbands.  Such as here, or here or the article I referred to earlier in the blog.  

Their argument misses the fundamental point that it is for the man to provide - not the woman.  This actually has everything to do with capacity as well, women are much more capable nurturers for children than men are.  If they fulfill the role of the provider, something they are not as adequate at, they are now requiring that the man now nurture for the children - something they are not as adequate at.  

Women naturally want a man that can provide for the needs of them and their children.  This is an actual element of attraction women have (some fun reads on that here and here).  This is a result of the way God has designed the family unit.  

Men do not need to be rich to be found attractive, they need to prove stability.  This is what a woman seeking an environment that she may nurture will desire.  How can she nurture something that is not sustainable?

Again, we need men to solve this problem.  

Protect

Once a man provides a home - he must be able to protect it.  There is a natural inclination to think of physical defense from robbers or men intending to defame his wife or daughter(s) - but this is not limited to that.  It is true, a man must be able to protect his loved ones from wicked people, but these situations are rare and not worth extensive discussion.  

The family must also be protected from encroachment of freedoms, from belittlement of emotionally stinted bullies at school and from individual trials.  A man must be involved in society - seeking to better it, ensuring that not only is his home stable, but the community it is a part of.  

As children grow, they must learn how to defend themselves from emotional as well as physical assaults.  Pain and adversity is a part of life, sadly, the developmental years of a child provide plenty to learn from.  A father is to teach a son when it is appropriate to fight and when it is best to walk away.  He is to teach his children how to know that they are of worth - regardless of what other kids may say.  

If a child fails, the father is to teach him why he failed and how he can correct it.  This way, the father protects from future failures.  

It is important to note that protection is not sheltering.  One day, each child will reach the legal age of adult (legal as not all children reach adulthood) and will have to face the world.  Protecting children includes teaching them to be aware of what the world has - both good and bad - and ensuring that they are ready for the challenge.  

And again - this is something where men must step up and solve.  

Summary

Men have failed themselves and society by forsaking the precepts of manhood.  We have decided to allow women to dictate how to act, which is not correct.  Men are confrontational - this is a good thing as nothing good came without a confrontation.  

As men, we must learn to first submit to God and then follow the Savior's example in leading boys to manhood.  As we do so, the women in our lives will be relieved of the burdens they unjustly bear due to our failures and we will experience the stability God has promised us.  

Ok, it can be about you sometimes...

I think one of the best parenting decisions my wife and I made was having a bed time for our first child.  It set the expectation of when my wife and I could have time for us.

We didn't think the rule was that significant, when our son was 2 months old, we would go through the diaper / feeding / burping routine at 7 in the evening and put him down in his crib (in his own room).  Then, we would close the door and let him figure it out.  For the first several weeks, he cried bloody murder for the first hour or so but as time went on, his body adjusted and he would get groggy around that time.

As he got older, the middle of the night feedings went away and my wife and I had time together without kids (if I was home from school & work) everyday.  It was great.  Enter some of the other couples we knew in college, they had kids staying up until midnight - ruling their every minute together.  They were always tired, always looking for a moment of solace.

Often couples would ask us what the secret phrase or action would be to get our kids to go to sleep around 7.  We would tell them what we did and almost always they would say it would be too hard to hear their child cry to do that.  It would be too stressful.  Or - they would just stare blankly at us, clearly not believing us.

Time progressed and we repeated the action with our daughter.  We saw the same issue with other families as I began my career in the Marine Corps.  This was also the first time we met other families that had set boundaries such as ours, however.

It was a visible difference in the families that had boundaries, especially with the parents and their marriage.

Self

Relationships vary based on the individual ones, but the ones that are the most stable & sustainable are the ones where each individual is a complete person and equal contributor to it.  This is the same with marriages, unless each person is fully committed to the relationship, with a complete self, it will be rocky.

This can be seen when spouse is addicted to work, projects, pornography, alcohol, buying, and so on.  There is something missing in that person's life and so they fill it with detrimental actions - which will impede the health of the marriage.

Granted, there are times when one spouse will take more than the other in the relationship and this can be easily absorbed in the family dynamic if it is not the norm.

This also includes pursuits in fitness, education and enjoyment.  This life is more than mechanically going through the motions.  We are part of an eternal plan built on the premise of growth and development.

Consider how different the rising generation would be if they saw their parents pursuing health activities, skill refinement and wholesome recreation on a regular and consistent basis.  Our children learn from us how to take care of themselves - so if we are imbalanced, they will be too.

The Marriage

It is important to understand that the union of the husband and wife came (or ought to come) before the introduction of the children and should remain after the children have moved on as adults.  This is the model that God has created for us and is the most stable option available to us.

Additionally - God has commanded:

"Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else."

The key message here - if we are to love our spouse with our whole heart, this places them ahead of our children.  I know, shocking! But contrary to the common emotional discussions, our spouse should be our first priority after God.

It is surprising how many parents "stick it out" until the kids leave home and then divorce once they are empty nesters.  This is a result of a lack of balance - the parents had put the kids first and their spouse second.

Not only is this bad for the marriage, it is bad to teach the kids that they are the center of the universe.  I often rebuke my children for trying to interrupt the conversation I am having with my wife.  It isn't that I don't want to hear them or care about what they have to say, it is they need to know that the world does not stop for them.  They have to wait their turn and be patient.

Overall

No one else can develop us, we must choose to better ourselves (and hopefully this includes submission to Christ's teachings).  There are many that try to compensate for their insecurities by busying themselves with other's needs - this is not healthy.  We must first ensure we are capable of taking care of ourselves - which may require assistance from the family and others as needed.  Once we can sustain our individual health, then we can indulge in the fullness of family relationships. 

Smoke & Mirrors

I have always been able to read people, it has led to some interesting experiences, but I have noticed some trends that make me concerned as a parent.  There has been so much focus on the feel good, ignore failure 'cause you are special crap - that some people actually believe it to the point they live their life that way.

This is all made easier with online interactions - suddenly the 14 year old that is claiming "rich people suck and Stalin had the answer!" is a relevant contributor to a political conversation.  Or the 30 year old who has never accomplished anything other than a high score on a game can be a professional career mentor on how to feel good about yourself while sticking it to the man!

I have found that people are naturally good at identifying risks with their sub-conscious as they become the most vile and aggressive at the points that threaten the lie they love to live the most.  I see the roots of these problems in children.  For instance, my son loves super heroes - often he acts out them.  Several years ago, it was always just "cute" as he would pretend to run as fast as the Flash or build an Iron Man suit out of cardboard.  Now, however, as he gets older, I have started correcting him when I get the feeling that he thinks he is better than he is.

I know it is common for us to imagine the unstoppable successes available to us - and I support that drive within us.  I have relied on it to obtain many of the feats I have in my life, but there is a difference in arrogant self-worship and aspiration to your best.  A fine line that I am sure I cross routinely and have decided that other people ought to judge for themselves if they view me arrogant or honest.

When it comes to society, however, I find that many live in a false sense of humility - while ensuring all know that they are the most capable gift God has provided to the world.

The Internet

I saw a post the other day online that showed a meme from Einstein stating that if you couldn't explain something simply, then you didn't understand it.  A profound concept that I agree with completely.

There were only a few comments on it when I saw it, and they made me laugh at their immaturity and they illustrate my thought rather well:

The red and pink outlined boxes went back and forth several times, never complementing the other, but agreeing with each other while complementing themselves.  "I understand the basics of all three his major papers" - I mean, that isn't even grammatically accurate.  Everyone will have grammar errors, but this is elementary.  

Or how about the other one referring to "Old Bert" as if there is some form of familiarity.  This while ignoring the fact that his role model refuted his concepts of atheism.  Einstein was no Christian or Jew, this is certain - but he was also not an atheist, rather his views of the Supreme were impersonal.   

I am sure that someone who understood so much of the universe would find it difficult to think that such a creator would care for something so insignificant as a single human.  A miracle that is lost on those of us who live in false views of self-importance.  

Yet - here these two neanderthals are, complementing themselves on their superiority while abusing the quote and the man they feel they can extract a feeling of import from.  I looked at their profiles as both were so arrogant as to brashly post all things personal to the world without sense of privacy.  Both are over 50, single and without family.  Their posts consisted of them quoting themselves during their epic online battles and posts congratulating themselves in their loneliness while they drowned in alcohol.

If they were so wise, so superior, why are they so alone?

Dating

I went on 3 dates in high school, that's it, just 3.  I went to plenty of dances and parties, but only ever had 3 actual dates.  I was focused on working and preparing for my mission for my church, which began a few days after my 19th birthday and ended 2 years later.

I went to college about 3 weeks after I came home from my mission and decided I would date until I found someone who gave me a reason to stop looking.  As a result, I rarely ate alone for the next many months - many viewed me as a player (especially after I had 3 dates on the same Saturday).

I was not, however.  I was looking for a wife and was not sure what I wanted in one.  I was inexperienced in dating and unsure of what I should want.  Which is why I asked out as many girls as I could.  Naturally, I had started with the girls with the most "wow" factor - you know, the ones that have the perfect hair & makeup, all the guys stop and stare at.  It didn't take me long to realize that they weren't dating me, however, they were show-casing themselves.

They were often late for a date, something that culturally we are supposed to accept - despite the fact that tardiness is a profound disrespect.  They would then spend the first portion of the date complaining about how they couldn't find anything to wear and they hoped they didn't look to frumpy.  In other words, "I feel really insecure about myself so I will manipulate you into complementing me so I can brag about it to my insecure roomies later."

Now, I never went on movie dates, they were always meals, walks, hiking, canoeing, etc.  So girls like these, I usually had a meal and ended it there.  We would get to the restaurant and they would prance in front of me, ensuring to draw the gazes from other guys there before sitting down.  Our conversations were interrupted constantly with their need to primp more in the bathroom or complain about some wardrobe concern.

That is when I realized that these girls were just that, girls.  They were defined by insecurities and rather than addressing them, they would seek to force others to complement them and compensate for it.

Contrast that to when I met my wife, she never fished for complements or apologized for her appearance.  She still doesn't wear makeup all that much, in truth, she doesn't need it and never has.  She was never late to our dates and she never cared what other guys thought of her, she prepared herself to look well for her and for me - no one else.

She was comfortable to go on outdoor dates as well as just sit and talk the afternoon away - there was never a dull moment.  She was a woman looking for a man to start a family with - she was confident in her own image and life decisions.

She helped me realize that much of dating is doomed from the start as people are so driven to make an appearance of something other than themselves.  Most of the girls I dated never understood who I was or what I was looking for - they had created some idea of who I was and they acted to impress that idea.  All they ever accomplished in doing so was ensuring I spent as little time with them as possible.  I only ended one date mid-meal, so at least most were bearable enough for the 45 minutes it takes to eat out...

Summary

Essentially, all too often in life we live a false image of ourselves and the social norms require others to appease this aspect of our lives.  This is never healthy - not in our professional careers or our personal pursuits.

We must realize that each of us are equal in our insignificance and yet so profoundly precious to that God which gave us life.  No matter how fancy our car is or run down our home is, we are all brothers and sisters, children of the God of the universe.  We have a short time here on earth to define who we will be for the eternities, let us use that time wisely with honest introspect that leads to growth and joy vice squandering it on lies that only disappoint.  

The Not so Little, Little Things

My wife and I often find ourselves laughing at how hilarious our kids are.  They are a class act by themselves, but add them together and it is guaranteed comedy!  I find myself truly enjoying the process of getting to know them as they continue to learn more of themselves.

I remember the not so distant past where I would wander the church halls or stand back in what I call "Dad's Corner" (you know that corner in Sunday School and Sacrament, the one where all the Dad's are trying to give their wives a few hours of sanity) - I did not actually enjoy being a parent then.

Yes, my children were special to me.  No, I did not know what to do with them.  I used to get angry at people that would come over to offer more of the never-ending, unwanted advice.  The ones I grew most tired of, were those that told me I would miss the days of diapers and vomit and screaming.

Truly, I don't miss it at all.  Nope, not even a bit.  It's a lie - the baby years are not the best of my parenting time, they were the penance I paid.  My kids are awesome to hang out with now as they can speak their minds, express interests and learn new things with me.  I sincerely look forward to their older years as well, I have fond memories of doing many things with my parents in my teen years and hope to make similar memories with my children.

The Foundation

I think (purely theory as my oldest turns 9 this year...) that by learning to do the little things now with my kids, I will have a relationship that will support communication with them in their teen years.

My wife and I were talking the other night how our kids tend to bombard us with menial announcements such as:

"I have a pink sheep on Minecraft!" 

or 

"I beat my Transformers score by 20 points!"

Naturally, they pick ideal times to reveal the life changing milestones, like when I am on the phone with a client or my wife is debating a fallacious charge on our medical bill (seriously, check your medical bills, we find many on them).

Of course, my wife and I see how minuscule such accomplishments are - all adults should have actual achievements that have increased value to self and community.  My children, on the other hand, are not capable to distinguishing life's accomplishments and entertainment in a game at this point, however.  They are the same thing.

This is why it is important to put these laughable announcements at the forefront of our day.  I enjoy saying prayers with my kids at night as they take me through the magical day of discovery they just had.  Such a precious view they have - everything is new and innocent.

Why it Matters

Children are now being exposed to serious issues at my children's ages - pornography, language, violence & other satanic goals are glorified by our culture as we rabidly banish Christ from it.  Their tender minds and emotions are not yet ready to process all that is in our culture, but our society does not care.  The children are the next line in this cultural war - following the teachings of Hitler, those that stand against family and religion seek to warp the next generation's minds and turn them on their parents.

I don't know what lies ahead in their lives, but I know that if I don't show to them that every accomplishment in their life is valid to me, they will not be comfortable in speaking with me when something is embarrassing or shameful.  Consider the implications of teaching your child that something he achieved is not as relevant as your current task - how will that child feel when he feels he has failed?  Will he be comfortable in speaking with you or will he assume you are too busy to help him?

How are we any better?

As with all things, God & Christ are the supreme examples.  How are we any different than our children to Him?  How minuscule are our concerns and accomplishments compared to what is on His agenda?  With having a universe to run, He still makes time to hear our prayers and comfort us in times of need.  He guides us through our options in life, not because they are significant - but because we are significant.

Sufficient in friends?

I was born in a small town in Washington state, but the only memories I have of it are a few school days and a park where my brother and I would climb a cliff near a golf course.  I still chuckle at our Mom's reaction when she came with us once and we showed her what we did.

I don't remember much of it as our family moved nearly every year.  Due to my Dad's career and educational requirements, we were rather nomadic throughout my developing years.  My parents have now returned to that quaint town as a college professors.

Driven Siblings:

My wife, kids and I visited them last fall and I remember a discussion I had with my Mom that has given me pause.  But first, some context of what we were discussing

My brother had a very demanding, classified job for the alphabet soups before deciding he wanted to settle down and change careers.  Naturally, he decided to be a doctor - cause that's how people settle down!

As for me, I joined the Marine Corps right out of college, earned my MBA while serving and now work for one of the largest consulting firms in the world in a leadership role.

My kid sister is studying to become a PA.

You look at these and and then consider the difference of what most people in a small, quaint town do.  Most work on the fruit farms or cattle ranches in the area.  Sales jobs for phone and software companies are common as well.

None of this is an indication of their work ethic or ability to work - rather a common trend among all people of staying where they were raised.  It is the same for big city folk, just replace the agricultural jobs with fast food and Starbucks.

What would have been?

My parents have often expressed regret over how much they moved with us.  For me, we had moved so I started my freshman year in a new town and then returned to a town we had once lived for my senior year.  The longest we were ever in one place was 5 years in a row.

But as my Mom and I were talking that day, she wondered if the moving drove us to the careers we have - breaking the normal cycle of settling for what is local.  My career choices have moved my wife and I more than a dozen times in our 10 years of marriage - a price most are not willing to pay.  It creates an unusual advantage for me in my pursuit of increased responsibility and correlating pay.

That day, my Mom and I wondered if it would have been so if my parents had made different choices and stayed in that small, peaceful town.  It was an interesting conversation - but no one will ever really know in the "what if's" we inflict upon ourselves.

Regardless, I am happy with who I am and where my life is headed.

Other points

What I have thought about, however, is the concept of friends.  One truth that was hard for a young boy to learn was that people do not care about those that are not immediately near them.  As we moved, I would seek to maintain friends via letters (the thought, pre-FB days!) and if we were in old towns I would ask my parents to see if we could stop by.  Sad truth was, most had forgotten about me by the end of summer and had filled their friend requirement with someone there.

Then, at the new schools, I would find that people are not interested in new friends.  It became increasingly difficult as the years went on to find people willing to add a new friend to the mix.  I did have a few, treasured friends that I have stayed in touch with, however.  Happily, I was able to re-connect with my oldest friend earlier this year.

The conversation with my Mom had planted this seed, making me wonder about those I had shared such happy and hard times with.  It also makes me wonder about what the future holds for my children.

A dad's view:

When I look at my two children.  My daughter is the definition of a social butterfly - it is just natural to her.  She has such an engaging personality that it is hard to not laugh around her.

My son, on the other hand, is much more like me.  Friendship seems a bit harder to find for him as he sits alone in a group.  He already has his first bully, a young kid that is flashy and cool to the other kids and for some reason singles my son out.  Not that my son acts that much differently than the other kids in his cub scout troop, but for some reason this defective boy has an issue with him.

I watched my son at a pine wood derby this past weekend, he was sitting next to the other boys, having fun until this bully came over.  The nasty puke deliberately sat down between my son and the other boys - preventing him from interacting with them.

My son stays positive, stating that he will be nice still.  I am proud of the man is becoming at this rate.  It makes me wonder, however, if he will ever have more than the one or two precious friends like what I had growing up.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to martyr myself or my son, but there is a correlation to growing up to be a good, determined man and loneliness.  Many of the most successful people grew up ostracized - I think that contributed to their success.

I do not envy the popular guy that is now living the life expected of him (I have seen a few from my past on social networking sites - many are miserable, divorced and racing to the bottom of society now).  I have never followed the normal rules as I am not normal.  Most people aren't, but I find most are afraid to acknowledge that fact.

Life lessons

My concern, is for my son's coming years - the pain that comes with these lessons learned.  I remember the loneliest night I have had on this earth, I have only ever talked about it once or twice, but I learned from it and the days around it have guided my adult years - reliance in my God and Savoir is enough in this life.

It does not matter what anyone thinks of us - ourselves included.  We are each a child of God - a perfect God that knows us more personally than we will ever understand.  There are times of loneliness in this life - even Christ felt this way.  If Christ, God's chosen redeemer and only perfect child, felt lonely, what makes us think we will not at some point?

What I am saying is that, I hope my son learns to rely on God when he is lonely.  As much as I wish I could always be there for him, I will not be.  I am a fallen man with an expiration date - but his relationship with his Savoir and Father in Heaven, that is always there in every moment of his life.

Friends will come and go - the few will stay, but our only source of complete companionship for all things is our relationship with our Heavenly Father through the miracle of Christ's sacrifice by the presence of the Holy Ghost.

If we maintain that relationship, all others will fall in place.  Marriages will be improved and we will be the friend our friends deserve.   We will never be alone or without support - regardless if we move or stay put.

If not Parenting, then what?

An interesting push in the past several years for so-called "standardized" testing and bench-marking of child performance has some disturbing attributes to me as a father.  It all seems to revolve around having each child end up the same as all the rest - which is incoherent at best.

Child Standard 1.1M (male child with average IQ) vs Child Standard 2.0F (female child with high IQ)

First off, anyone with more than one child will tell you that there is no "standard" for learning - every child is unique in how he develops from infancy to childhood to adulthood.  This is expected given the concept of a soul - a simple concept that science cannot reason away.

But, there seems to always be the emotionally inept calls from so-called do-gooder's, "but how do I know if my child is advancing well enough?"  Really?  Last I checked, using other people as a measurement of self is a bad concept.  The greater question is: does your child understand how to read, write and the other basic communications requirements to enable him to interact with the community at large?  Then, does he possess the ability to reason and quantify the principles he is exposed to?

Anything beyond that, he will learn as he develops and explores the world - try to force something else on him and he will suffer through it until it is no longer required and frankly forget it.  Don't believe me, ask any adult what they remember from chemistry, physics or even the difference of "there, their, and they're".

We really over-think this education thing when it comes to our children - the ability to regurgitate facts does not make them capable.  The more rules and regulations we train them to as a child, the more they will expect it as adults.  Which, leads to a complicit generation not as capable in individual thought.

Standards or Control Metrics?

So why have the standards?  Yes, the emotionally inept parent seeking external validation of their offspring will always cling to societal set standards and will always produce viable worker bees.  They will cling to archaic class systems, where the state or society will provide them a checklist of requirements to consider them-self fulfilled and successful.  Clearly, I have no intent in reaching such people.

For the few that desire to make something of them-self or inspire their children to do so, the question must be asked: what is the point of federal standards then?  Could it be to close the gap between education and the workplace?  Sure, you know, we led the world in education back in the 1960's, identified an issue in the 1980's and now have some of the highest unemployed college graduate statistics in the history of the US.  Add to that, the same issue for under-employed.  About 1 in 4 graduates that are either unemployed or under-employed.

The drop in our educational capacities as a nation is estimated to have costed us over $1 Trillion in GDP.

So again, why the standards?  Standards have been reviewed and bolstered for decades and the performance of our educational construct has continually declined.  Truth be told, I don't have an answer here, but I am certain that more standards and more tests will not end this slog into failure.

Yup, Parenting

Regardless, it has been clearly proven that the solution for our children's success is not found within the "community" or the state - it is within the most basic social structure: the family.  Time and time again, it has been proven that positive, parental involvement has the most singular influence on a child's development.  It is irrelevant if the child is in public, private, charter or home school.

Of course, this is a problem to those that believe in the class system and care more about unification as opposed to celebrating the diversity of God's children.  Ever since Plato, there have been fraudulent and supposed "intelligent" people that claim societal ills can be resolved with the abolition of the family unit. Well, that is not totally true, they have compromised to just mediating the parental actions by the state...

I think the terrifying truth is this: there are those that are so emotionally incapable of allowing someone to fail due to their own poor choices, that they will bring down an entire society to try and save the one already lost.  I don't think there is some demonic conspiracy to remove traditional families and the values associated with it - but I do think there are plenty of people who are incapable of accepting consequence.

If you look at all the philosophers and public figures that claim the family is the source of inequality - they are all trying to solve the issue of suffering.  As well intentioned as they may be, they could not be more wrong and morally off-base.

By the very studies they cite, they should find ways to promote and sustain the family as opposed to remove it.  It is clearly a positive force in society as children from stable, traditional homes outperform other children in every category.  It is a race to the bottom - they wish to remove the very source of the populace that can sustain society.

It does NOT take a community

No, it does not take a community to raise a child.  It takes two dedicated parents and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  No more, no less.  Yes, others can help and assist, and yes, they often do - but no, their help is not required.  The sacred mantel of a parent is the closest we can come to understand God in this life - beginning with the miracle of bridging the spiritual realm with this broken world in the sacred act of creating life.

Then begins the true commitment of guiding the newly created life through the perils of life - duty that never ends and there is no greater source of joy.  Contrast that with this:

“When an opponent declares, ‘I will not come over to your side,’ [Hitler] said in a speech on November 6, 1933, “I calmly say, ‘Your child belongs to us already. . . . What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.’” And on May 1, 1937, [Hitler] declared, “This new Reich will give its youth to no one, but will itself take youth and give to youth its own education and its own upbringing.” William Shirer, Rise and Fall of the Third Reich New York: Simon and Schuster, 1960), 249.

Just Medicate Already!

We decided to homeschool when I was still in the Marine Corps.  It was a common and logical conclusion for military people that move a lot and can't always control when the Marine in the family has time off.  I saw many that had block leave during the week of finals, for example.

Since then, with the advent of Common Core and anti-religion in schools, we are happy to keep our decision.  Recently, however, I have come to appreciate another reason: medication.  We have very high spirited kids - our daughter is currently in a phase of pretending to be animals (fossa to raccoon to who knows what next) and our son can't even sit still during a movie, he has to act it out as he watches it.  He's gotten better - mainly due to my wife and I no longer finding it amusing - but it is still there.

They are both very active and physical in their approaches to learning and experiencing the world around them.  As frustrating as it can be (especially for their teacher, my wife), there is nothing wrong with it.  Both are learning well and are very curious about the mysteries life has ahead of them.

I have overheard parents discussing their concerns about their kids and it scares me.  "My son can't focus on his homework, I think he might have an attention disorder or something."  The kid is 4 years old!  Why does he even have homework?  It's preposterous!  Or, "our kids have too much energy in the house, we need to get them on some meds to calm them down."  I always ask even though I know the answer, how much time do they spend outside?  The answer: never.

So, let me get this strait, you have a child that is bounding with energy and curiosity and you think there is something wrong with the kid because they have too much energy even though you never have them run outside to burn it off?  And it is the kid's fault?

Then look at our schools post the abomination of "No Child Left Behind" - we have longer kindergarten hours, fewer recesses, and less hands-on work.  Schools are dumping arts & music (lessons that require a physical interaction with learning) and replacing them with more books and tests.

Of course - that is a great solution for kids that just want to run around and play!  More time inside!  And, if the kid has a problem adjusting, just shoot him up with meds (him, as boys are at least twice as likely to be diagnosed as girls).  Just another zombie earning tax credits for the school and staying out of mom and dad's way as they pursue their dreams!  Mission accomplished.

We are getting to a point where individual selfishness from parents and schools are now leading to a terrifying epidemic that has increased 40% over just a matter of a couple of years.  In case you have lived in a time capsule for the past couple of decades, I'm talking about ADHD.

I looked up the actual diagnostics for it on the CDC site, here are some laughable quotes:

"Deciding if a child has ADHD is a several step process. There is no single test to diagnose ADHD, and many other problems".

In other words, no definitive test.  Or said again, it really depends on the opinion of the guy writing prescriptions because there is no way to prove him right or wrong.  But hey, it will shut the parents & teacher up and pad his bottom line, so why not?  The kid could use some downers anyway...

Here are some of the actual indicators that begin in ages of 3 - 6:

• Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities. 
• Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities. 
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly. 
• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (loses focus, gets sidetracked). 
• Often has trouble organizing activities. 
• Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework). 
• Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools). 
• Is often easily distracted. 
• Is often forgetful in daily activities. 

Really?  I think they just described childhood.  I mean, seriously?  You can tie any of those to ANY child - because, drum roll, they are childish behaviors!

Now, I am making my career as a consultant.  Companies pay us to do things for them as we are faster / better / cheaper than what they are at areas outside of their main business.  Sometimes, our clients have concerns - that is where I work.

Most times I find that expectations have not been accurately managed.  It is like when you go see a movie that had great advertisements but actually sucked.  You are even angrier as you feel you were cheated.  If you had known what the movie actually was like, you may still have watched it - maybe even enjoyed it, but the difference would be in what you had expected it to be.

Now, we look today at family life.  We live in the world of me, myself and I.  Add this to the fact that kids are inconvenient.  If there was anything I wish upcoming parents knew, it would be that.  They require sacrifice, they require you to alter plans and miss out on some things in life.  And no, they won't appreciate it until they are much older, if ever (many of my family and friends - including myself - didn't until we became parents).

Sounds like a miss-match in expectations from the "me generation" more than anything else.  As we ask government to dictate what success is (standardized tests) and tell people that you can and should have it all: both ways, all the time - what could go wrong?  I mean, mom's can work better at men (per failed feminist logic) so why not have both parents out finding new toys they can finance on their expansive incomes?

Then, when both parents come home, tired from expanding their influence in the cubicle fiefdom, those pesky annoyances known as kids have too much energy.  I mean, can't they just learn to take care of themselves?  If not, doesn't the government owe me something?  No?  Oh well, I'll just pay to get them declared ADHD so I can not worry about it and shame on you for thinking less of my children who are disabled!  Please, just stop talking about them, my show is about to start...

All of these ADHD indicators are addressable, however.  Much of the issues are more emotional or due to the child being over-stimulated and under guided.  I remember in college seeing other parents that were near the brink of despair because their toddlers were up past midnight - leaving no time for spouse time or sleep.  Contrast this to strict bedtimes that my wife and I grew up with and enforce in our home - we have time to spend together or have "me time" when needed.

This coupled with regular family meals that are not in front of the TV and no phones utilized during it - our kids must play outside before they can play their electronic devices and so on, these are the tactics parents have employed for generations without issue.  I guess we are just too cool for traditions like these as a society, however.  Success was for yesterday - anarchy and feminism is the way forward!