Friend or Parent?

I remember several years ago when our children were toddlers, my wife and I were often viewed as hard-liners with our kids.  Many told us they could not do what we did as they would feel like they would be seen as "mean" parents.

I have watched as many people have focused on the fun times with their kids and avoiding the uncomfortable conversations.  I also watch as those kids push their way through crowded hallways with elderly people, or nudging a younger kid out of the way.  I see them slouch and joke when I teach and act arrogantly indifferent when I call out their disrespectful behavior.

The difference here is simple to me - parenting is about leadership, which is not about popularity or being liked.  It is about driving those in your stewardship to grow and to do the right things for the right reasons.

Leaders are not friends

In the Marine Corps, I was not in my warehouse very often - I was usually in the fiscal officer's office, checking on officers that had signed for gear or interacting with my superior in his office.  I had to learn how to hold my men accountable with minimal time - which made each time I walked through their areas an inspection.  I learned to systematically check key indicators of what my men were doing - how backed up was Shipping / Receiving, where were the forklifts? How clean were the racks & floors, were there any tire or oil stains in the aisles?

In the office, where were the receipts - which desk(s) were unorganized and cluttered?  Were my Marines in the appropriate uniform?  Did any of them look fat or soft?  Were their heads hung down with excessive complaining or were they actively engaged in their tasks?

The questions go on and on - but I would often surprise my Marines by the level of detail I knew of what was going on in my section with how little I was there.  I drove them to success, as the Officer in Charge - I was the standard bearer.  I was praised several times by colonels and even a 1 star regarding the discipline in my shop.  All in all, I was not an easy officer to work for - but I was respected.

My Marines were proud to work for me, and I was proud they were in my section.  I was not popular, but I was respected.  When it matters, that is all that counts.  I saw many other officers that acted with insecurities and were casual with their Marines.  I even saw some on a first name basis - they struggled to get their Marines to do what mine did.  I was not my Marine's friend and I was not casual with them.  I would mentor them, train them, discipline them and I drove their focus with an unforgiving list of tasks.

Interesting discovery, I have kept my phone number the same as about every 6 or 9 months, one of my Marine's call or text me seeking advice or assistance.  I have been out almost 3 years and this still holds true.  I am proud of this fact as many times I felt lonely in my shop as I watched them develop lifelong friendships - but I would not trade my relationship with them for all the friends in the world.

Parents & Children

I see parenting as the same.  My children are in a stage of life where they do not need me to be their friend.  For instance, this past month they have been struggling with the advent of approaching summer to focus on their schoolwork and chores.  My wife has struggled with keeping them focused while also getting things done around the house she needs to do.  In short, our kids have taken advantage of the fact I have been working long days and my wife was not hovering over them all day.

Many might say that they are 7 & 8, it is part of childhood.  I reject this concept.  My son has been baptized, he holds the sacred gift of the Holy Ghost.  In the eyes of God, he has reached the age of accountability and is expected to know the difference in right & wrong.  My daughter turns 8 next year and will be in the same situation.

It is our responsibility as parents to ensure we teach our children what is expected of them so that they will be ready to make their own choices.  Part of this, is obeying their Mother.  It is disrespectful and arrogant for them to think that they can negotiate the requirements laid upon them.  As such, I talked with them rather sternly regarding their failing behaviors of not completing chores & schoolwork.

We have new beds for them, still in boxes (I haven't had time to set them up yet).  Their old ones work just fine, but these beds are loft with desk-beds, which will be very nice for them as they progress in school years to have their own study areas.  I frankly told them that the desks will be going back to the store if they mess up in the next week.  They do not need them, they want them.  If they cannot respect my wife, then they do not get to have the nice things in life.

Harsh?  I don't care.  It is my duty as their father to ensure they know how to complete the tasks levied upon them.  One day, not too long from now, they will leave my home.  They will go to a world that does not care about them or their needs.  If I do not ensure they understand how to be successful, then their adult lives will suffer.  I am not raising them to have great childhoods, I am raising them to have a great adulthood.

One day, when they are grown and on their own, I will then be their friend and mentor.  My time as their parent will be in the past - it will be up to them to decide how to navigate the sea of life.  That is my focus, to be their parent, the one that will have the uncomfortable conversations that clearly instruct them on what they did well or poorly so that they can have some life lessons to draw from in their early adult years.  

Fairness or Hindrance? Part 2

As stated on Part 1, this is a blog that I was writing over several months and realized I needed to parse it out. 

The first post I was thinking about how confused we as Americans are over the concept of equality.  After reading about it and thinking about it over a few months, I came to the realization that the goal of the so-called "justice" warriors is not to make everyone equal, but to destroy the concept of Right & Wrong.  It is the only thing that makes sense to me, the push for acceptance of other's degrading acts at all costs can only lead to one conclusion - all morals are decided by the individual.

So - understanding that the concept of equality overall is rather moot, I began to consider specific types of equality and for this part it is Income Equality

What is Income Equality:

One of the most common points that is heard right now in our society is the desire for all to be equal in their income.  Often, this comes from adults that have yet to obtain a useful skill in life and are upset that they can't afford to vacation all year.

Let's face it, wouldn't it be fair if everyone had the time and resources to take long vacations, enroll in free school to pursue self betterment and ultimately do what made them feel good?  I mean, all these evil "corporations" and "banks" are holding the common man down with low wages and high interest rates, right?  People can't find enjoyment because of it!

Thanks to decades of educational programming, Americans actually speak like this - in case your curious if it sounds familiar, it does.  It's called Marxism.

Let's consider a few key points to this:

People are not equal in the work place.

Work requires skill, desire, and proficiency.  Consider the intern still in college compared to the tenured professional - should they earn the same?  If you say yes, I don't know how to reason with you.  

If you said no, consider this - does the company expect the same value from the intern and the tenured professional?  Clearly, the answer is no.  Therefore, the company pays each based on the value the company will receive.  This is the premise of free market workplaces - you control your wages based on your value add options.  

If you choose to not develop skills or refuse to adjust over time, you will be left behind.  Companies require active and engaged employees and so they reward that with higher pay and job security.

Equal does not mean the same thing to everyone in the same workplace

Consider now an 18 year old guy, just moved out on his own.  His expenses will probably be a car, housing, phone / utilities and an increasing amount of credit card debt due to fiscal irresponsibility. 

Now consider a man in his late thirties, married with teenage kids.  His expenses will include much of the above (just multiples of them) as well as higher insurances and meal costs.  

Now - if all are to be equal, tell me what a living wage is?  Truth is, you cannot unless you also dictate what is acceptable to do in life: how many phones, cars, TVs, subscriptions, etc.  All would have to be dictated by the government that also dictates you living wage.  Scary thought, huh?

The Law of Scarcity

First - note that it is a "Law", not a "Theory".  Essentially, this law states that resources are limited and wants are not, requiring us to prioritize the investments to achieve the most desired / needed resources at the expense of the others.  

In society, there is a limited amount of money and open seats on cruises - there are limits in food and clothing as well (reflected by price point, not everyone can have steak and lobster every night).  As a result, there is a monetary price added to each good or service and people exchange their money for what they value most.  

Now consider education - free public schooling has resulted in a generation that feels entitled to a degree regardless of performance.  With the expansion of government subsidization of college, the cost is going up but the students pass that debt on to society via tax or borrow money directly via banks.  

Either way, other people are paying for the student's goals - so who is taking the risk?  How much control do I have, as a person who stores my cash in a bank (credit union actually...), in how wise they invest my money into their education?  Not every degree will ensure re-payment of debt is possible.  So while it may seem mean to have a higher interest rate for an education, consider who is actually taking the risk (it's not the student).  It is the people that have entrusted the banks with their money.  

Student loan defaults have steadily increased from 2005, now in the realm of 27%.  That means that the 3/4 of students that do repay their loans, have to also pay for the kids that are not paying.  If they do not recover at least a majority of the initial cash invested, everyone would pull their money out of the banks, the banks would close and people would not have access to money to do things like school or start a business.  

Ever heard of Black Tuesday?  Banks made poor investments, the money was being lost and people ran to the bank and pulled their money out so they could have some still. 

This is a point lost on my generation - banks don't own money.  They are a central repository for many people's cash.  They use that cash to then invest into sound business cases that should return not only the initially invested monies, but also compensate for inflation and a profit to justify the risk.  

Banking systems are a great way to take the limited cash in an economy and allow it to be utilized by more people.  So long as it is expended wisely, then the inflation and interest rates will not raise dramatically.

Personal fulfillment is derived from value we add

The root of Marxism ideals is that leisure is the end goal of life.  The idea that you can pursue some flimsy dream and feel good about yourself is an outright lie.  You feel good about yourself as you excel and create value in your sphere of influence.

Your focus should be on where you influence is - not what you are doing.  Every job has its crap, mundane and boring requirements - this is fine if you are happy with the opportunities for growth that ahead of you.

I can't say it as well as Mike Rowe, so here is a great video he did for Prager University.

Another point - I hear people stating that businesses "enslave" us by determining what we earn (see above) and how much time we have off.  People want to travel the world and do useless expressions that no one else will pay for while having a non-stop vacation.

First of all, this denies the principles of work God has given us.  This will result in a lack of joy as there will be no success.  There will be nothing overcome by the individual as all that is needed in life (in theory at least) will be provided by others.

Second, if everyone is pursuing these idiotic pipe-dreams of continual vacation and self pursuits, who is providing food, electricity, & sewage maintenance?  Who will be running society?  And here is the lie - all the unpleasant aspects of every job are a result of necessity.  You cannot just will unpleasantness from life.

State ownership will not stop at economics

The other major issue that is missed with this selfish desire to have the "government" provide for basic needs & wants is twofold:

First, the "government" is actually the people of the country.  In other words, Marxism enslaves everyone to each other.

Second, the government cannot stop at economics to accomplish this.  As mentioned above, they will have to make decisions about how big of a house you rate, how many vehicles & of what type, and it would not be hard for them to dictate how big of a family you can have.

They would also determine what is right & wrong - preventing the ability to have religious freedom or expression of oneself (irony alert!  The system with the sales pitch of "feel free to express yourself in personal pursuits as your needs are covered!" will have to prevent self expression to ensure equality).  The state will have to control every aspect of life for Marxism to work.

Fairness or Hindrance? Part 1

This is a post I started about 3 months ago, it has been growing and I realized I just needed to split it up.  It will be a series on my views regarding the cultural Marxism we are adopting in America.  

I have never had patience for whiners that go on and on about what is or is not fair.  They are so-called "warriors" seeking justice - yet the only thing they deny is justice.  Life, when simplified, is nothing more than a binary set of algorithms driven by cause & effect.  Skip a meal, stomach complains and you don't feel as energized.

Yes, people are born into unequal environments - for instance, a poor black kid in America is born into a society that will provide him with free food, housing, medical costs and a phone whereas a poor black kid born in Africa may die before walking due to exposure or malnourishment.

I don't have the answers to ensure everyone truly starts on an equal plane - I don't think it is possible in this life.  This does require a concept of humility and gratitude for what we all have as there is always someone with less (such as the dead kid in Africa that never even spoke or walked).  I know - how insensitive of me, but the hard reality of truth is that anyone that is living well enough to complain, has more than the child that dies in a war-torn, famine struck, impoverished country while yet an infant.  Or the aborted one that never even breathed on its own.

It is important to highlight this as it shows how imbalanced our view in America is on the concept of "fairness".  Few Americans (at least the ones born here) can appreciate what it truly means to exist in fear and poverty or suffering.  We are so far from understanding suffering, that we manufacture issues while ignoring the blatant violation of rights by still having slaves in America.  Real pain and suffering happens in the US - real hatred and bigotry exist, but we spend our time on hype rather than subsistence.

What is America's view on Equality?

This is the heart of the confusion - no one can agree on what is right or what is wrong - or even if there is a right and wrong.  Why?  Simple, for Social Justice Warriors (SJWs), equality is about the abolishment of religion and morality by refusing anyone the ability to declare something as Right or Wrong.  This also makes it impossible to achieve success as there will always be some bizarre cause to rally behind as there will be no boundaries.

Out of curiosity, I searched "equality in America" in Bing and this is what I got:

There isn't really a trend in this group - they each highlight equality for a specific group of people, but ignore the others.  Again, no foundation, no common set of what is right or wrong - only silo'd demands irrelevant of all others.

They do have one trend, however, they all fear and hate the "religious right".  

Here is an interesting view that results from this ambiguous approach to life where a feminist group is trying to determine if pornography is helpful or harmful to the movement of equality for women:

"There was a generation gap in the debate, with some older second wavers asking why it is that men get off on abusing women, and some third and fourth wavers saying that, actually, they quite enjoy a bit of consensual degradation, thank you very much. I’d argue that when you start questioning and shaming another person’s adult, consensual sexual preferences, you’ve lost the fight. To borrow a useful phrase from Amy Poehler: “good for you, not for me”. You enjoy being pumped in multiple orifices while being bent over flatpack furniture and filmed? Good for you, not for me. But good for women? That’s another question, one that requires a much more nuanced approach. Only once we accept that can we work out what we are going to do about it."

How terrifying that insidious and deviant behavior is actually considered as acceptable because of someone's disturbed fetish?  Doing so ignores the profound impact on self esteem, image and long term happiness.  Furthermore, this view of equality and acceptance is not about what you are able to contribute in life, instead it is how you can expend your time in the pursuit of pleasure.

But again - that is only terrifying if you believe in right and wrong.  As she states - you lose the argument once you question someone's "adult" decisions.  With that in mind, why is it bad to be conservative?  Or religious?  Clearly - for reasons are self evident, right?

This is a key tenant of the so-called progressives, however.  Anything that presents the idea of absolute truth is a threat to the state and therefore must either be highly censored or abolished.  These people pushing for equality are not marching towards a common goal, they are marching away from one - the fact that there is Right and Wrong.  It doesn't matter which way they pull away, they achieve their desire so long as the central theme of Truth is abandoned.

What about Moms?

Over the past several weeks, I have been thinking about a father's role.  As such, many of my posts have emphasized the duties and responsibilities of a father.  An interesting point, however, is that I have also been learning about mothers as I have done this.

God created both male and female - two distinct genders that drive key purposes in life.  Men are aggressive, and we often measure our success by other’s failures.  This is seen in sports, business, military and most of our views in life.  This is natural to us, and is driven by our need and desire to preside, provide and protect our families. 

Women, on the other hand, are here to nurture.  When I first read that, I thought it odd that the men have three underlying tasks and women have only one.  As the weeks went by, however, I began to notice that this is also fitting.  As a man, I am looking for defined requirements that determine my value and worth to my community. 

Women, on the other hand, look at the quality of the community and how all can benefit from it.  Two sides of the same coin.  Where men draw lines and segregate based on contribution, women break down barriers and seek to direct contribution to care for all. 

Consider when a child is hurt, he will seek his mother.  This is probably driven by the fact that men require that the individual is complete, ready to contribute to the group.  Women, on the other hand, seek to heal the individual with what the group has to offer.  Each has the intent of strengthening the group from separate angles.   

If a man's role is to define his family's space by securing it from the elements and other family's, what does the mother do?  We are guided that she is to nurture, which seems vague.  I began to think about this in a metaphor with a garden.  The husband can build a garden box, remove the weeds and ensure water is provided - but he cannot make the plants grow.  

This is where actual nurturing must come, the seed must be planted, the nutrients in the soil must be maintained, and the provided water must be given in amounts that are enough to sustain between watering's without drowning the plant.  All the materials provided must be combined in a way that supports the individual plant's growth.  

To Nurture a Child:

As children develop and grow, they need their feelings validated and comforted, ensuring that they know that what they experience in life is real and relevant.  This is the beginnings of their self image, that they are a complete person, both physical & emotional.  

The mother will plant the seeds of love and security that are unconditional, teaching the child that he matters.  As the child grows, he will be able to control his own emotions and learn of others love for him, but all love will be viewed through the lens of the unwavering love his mother gave him.  

If his feelings are not validated, self doubt and criticism will have room to grow, stunting the ability he will have in life to face challenges.  This is the same for both sons and daughters - the ability to relate and connect with other people will be determined by their ability to be reached by their mother.  

To Nurture a Husband:

Often times, media shows how the all-powerful woman handles the inept man of the house like an additional child.  This demeaning depiction of marriage is so widely accepted because it is rooted in truth, as all good lies are.  Men are wired to evaluate themselves and others based on their contribution to the community.  

The community for most men is their family and their work.  Work is a conversation for another post, however.  In the family, there are primarily the parents and the children.  As the children are not sources of support for the parents, that leaves the husband and wife.  

If the wife is open in her service to her husband, and appreciative of his accomplishments - she will become the pillar of support in his life.  Granted, he needs to be hers, but that is another conversation as well.  She will become the center of his focus and drive - enabling him to take the necessary risks and actions in life to succeed.  

To Nurture Society:

Previously, I have mentioned that women are not as capable in earning wages just as men are not as capable in nurturing children.  This ties into the inherent differences between the sexes: men seek to dominate, women seek to support.  

If you look at the breakout in men and women in the workforce, you will see that women dominate fields that deal with support and sustaining people (health, education, administrative support, etc.) and fall severely behind in areas that are more physically demanding and dangerous (construction, agriculture, mining, etc.).  

If you consider the basic drivers of men versus women, however, this makes sense.  Men are seeking to cut out their domain in life whereas women are adding to everyone and everything.  As a result of this, women gravitate to lower income jobs - this has no derogatory inference towards them, they are just not focused on expansion of income as men are.  

Summary:

We have enough men in society, what we need is women that are proud to be nurturers - proud of womanhood and accept that they are inherently different than men.  This does not make them less than or greater than men, it makes men dependent on women as women depend on men - to complement each other.  

Without the presence of a strong woman, a home or community can function efficiently as designed - with no purpose.  All that is built and designed by men is provided value and relevance by women.  

Daddy's Princess

I remember when my wife was pregnant with our daughter, I was often nervous.  When she was pregnant with our son, I had a series of dreams where I saw him at different stages of his life - it felt like I knew him already.  I still remember many of those images and they are so far accurate.

The second pregnancy, however, I didn't have any ideas.  As the day that we could see the gender approached, I became more and more nervous.  I did not want a daughter, I often said I would never had one as God knew me too well.

The day came (as they all do eventually) and I was running on a treadmill - trying to imagine what our second son would look like.  I felt more and more exasperated and anxious until I felt a calm settle on me like dew.  With it came a thought "it will be okay if it is a girl".  I knew it was a prompting from my Father in Heaven, I also knew then we were having a baby girl.  Yet, somehow I felt calm about it.  My weeks of stress and frustration were dissipating.

My wife and I went down to the doctor's office, had the ultra sound and confirmed what I already knew: we were to have a little girl.  My wife was ecstatic, she wanted a child that she could go and do girly things with.

I was terrified, I knew it would work out, but I was still scared.  How could I take care of a daughter?  I can't even remember the primary colors - I don't even have a favorite color!  I don't know anything about fairy tales or patty cake or ponies (the cartoon variant) or dolls or all those things my kid-sister had that I routinely destroyed growing up (once my brother and I shot up all of her dolls with our brand new bows - it didn't end well for us...).

And what about dating?  And what about her self esteem?  What about her security?

My wife constantly ensured me that loving her would be enough, but I still doubted.  How could I connect with her to let her know that I love her if I don't understand the way she sees the world?

The years have gone by, I am still terrified as her father but I am learning how to live with it.  She is my Little Princess and she knows that I am here for her even though I still have not watched a pony show to completion - the few times I have snuggled with her on the couch, to watch I fell asleep.

Dad's do Matter

With all that is changing in our society and culture regarding sexuality and family structure, a common question is if dad's are really needed.  The argument for boys needing a dad is easier than girls needing a dad.  It is true, there are things that make a mother irreplaceable with both boys & girls, but for this blog, I am only discussing the role of the father.

A father is to preside, provide and protect his family - not just his sons.  Often, men are viewed as only a paycheck and an additional child for the mother to care for.  This unhealthy view builds barriers between a father and his daughter that he has no control over.

Often times our media degrades the image of men - the irony given the drive and aggression natural to them is what defined the world we live in today.  For instance:

1. Here you have a child openly discussing how incompetent his father is in this ad - thanks mom for saving dad's mess up again!  
2. Or how about this one where the dad can't even wash the dog - and the daughter is politely dealing with him?  
3. Of course - dad's don't really work hard when they are away from kids, right?  They just leave to have fun - you know, dad stuff...
4. This one - is actually pretty funny up until the mom spoke - it is true, dad's try crazy new things.  Again, our drive is what has built modern society, we learn from failures as much as we do from successes, isn't that one of those life lesson thingy's we are supposed to be teaching our kids?  Yet, this plays on the mom having to overcome a dad's inability to just not be dumb.  

You have to question, how stupid are the women that "settle" with such inept men. Why would they choose to have their children?

Dad's Matter to Daughter's

Again, it is easier to convince people that dad's matter to their sons - but a sad point lost (by all of society) is the value of a dad to a daughter.  Interestingly enough, the data does not agree with the emotions of our society.  

For instance, there is a strong link between a daughter and her father's relationship that will determine how sexually promiscuous she will be.  On that same note, there is no correlation for her relationship with her mother in that area.  

To compound that, a daughters relationship with her fathers actually impacts the timing of when she enters puberty (poor relationships are correlated with early puberty).  This has several long term health implications (so the doctors say at least) - but more to a behavioral point, they develop sexual appetites earlier as well.  Some girls hit puberty as young as 8 or 9 - and along with this, sexual appetites by the time they are 10.  Who really thinks a 10 year old is ready for that hormone shot?  

Why?

A father has three distinct duties in the home: 

1. Preside: By following the Lord's example in shepherding his family, he will teach his daughter what to expect from a man.  This will guide her later in life as she seeks boyfriends and eventually a husband - she should learn what a good man is from her father:  A God-fearing man of integrity that ensures his family is taken care of.  
2. Provide: A father is devoted to providing a stable home for his family, ensuring that their basic needs are met and that they also have enjoyment.  Also, as men are more aggressive than women, a man will encourage roughhousing with his children and an acceptance for risk taking when needed.  These will guide his daughter in life not only as she seeks a husband, but also as she seeks to better herself.  
3. Protect: Many fools scoff at the concepts of manhood in this area - proclaiming society has evolved past the need of physical protection.  Clearly, the requirement for physical protection from the elements and evil people has been diminished, but it is not removed.  In addition to this, fathers must also protect their daughters from other issues such as the media telling them what beautiful is, or boyfriends demanding sexual acts in exchange for a relationship or the internal battles of self worth.  All of this, a father must protect his daughter by ensuring her confidence is rooted in his love as well as her Savior's.  

Overall, I am grateful to my Father in Heaven that knew me well enough to entrust me with the sacred duty of being a dad to one of his most precious children - my Princess.  I have learned so much about what a husband / father / man ought to be as I have sought to better myself to be the father she deserves.  It is my constant hope and prayer that my actions will be enough for her.  

Of Boys & Men

I have never been a fan of divisive lines that categorize people.  I learned this distaste from the Book of Mormon in a few chapters that cover the time of peace held by the ancient American inhabitants after Christ had visited them.

"There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God."

I find that inspiring - I also find it as a road map to civility.  That is why I am never a fan of the people like "feminists" or "[Insert X] - American".  They separate people - creating schisms and highlighting differences with the sole purpose of debating them.  It is not helpful or healthy in the slightest, a desire for solution must be in each side of an argument if there is to be progress.

Having said that, there are some divisions that are natural and healthy - even required.  What I am referring to here, is gender.  Men and women - the genetic basis of all life that is not asexual.  I'm not a scientist, so I don't have much to say on the X's & Y's, but as a husband, father and man of faith - I have plenty.

There are things that are masculine and there are things that are feminine and there are things that are neutral.  Obviously, women have a vested interest in what is masculine and men have a similar interest in what is feminine - but it is not women's role to define what is masculine any more than it is man's to define what is feminine.

So - Called "War on Men"

I say this as I have found a disturbing trend develop over the past several years (or at least I have discovered it in that time-frame).  Many have spoke about it as a "war on men" - and solicit awareness from both genders.  I differ at that point.  It is not a war on "men" - it is a war on society.  Men are not some special interest group anymore than women are.  An attempt to marginalize either sex will result in an unbalanced society.

This has implications beyond what is expected of men, but this is a post on how men and boys are impacted by it.  Men do not need women in defining manhood to the rising generation.  Again, it is not for women to define what is masculine, therefore, women are not needed to secure it.  Men are needed.  Rather than explaining how pathetic we become as we emasculate ourselves in the search of faux equality, please read this joke of an article from one of the "men" I am describing.

A true man holds first himself accountable and then those around him.  In this generation of bumper sticker slogans fueled by communist failure and driven with the satanic intent to diminish the principles of masculinity - too many boys are raised by women (and men that wish they were women).  No, we do not need women to solve this, we need men.

What is Masculine?

When it comes to standards and expectations - we cannot use our own opinions.  My view of what is masculine is founded upon what I believe God has instructed through his prophets living today.  Years ago (before this document would have been considered radical) the Prophet and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles released a document titled "The Family: A Proclamation to the World".

It is important that this is defined, I am not adhering to my personal opinion - I am adhering to the precepts of deity.  One may disagree with my, but know that the disagreement is much more fundamental than the view of manhood.

The Proclamation states:

"ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

and:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

The three "Ps" as my Father called them: Preside, Provide & Protect.  At some point, I firmly believe that all men will stand before our Savoir and recount our performance in these areas.  

Preside

This is the one where the feminists and emasculated men will complain the most over.  Their view of what presiding is has been distorted by evil and degenerate men and women that rule with spite in their respective spheres.  

Presiding is to have authority over - yes, but authority is not evil or loathsome.  It is a part of life.  The wife and children will look to the man for guidance in key decisions.  Naturally, he will solicit input from them in return, but he must be capable of this burden.  This requires confidence and experience in life - from both success and failures.  

In this role, the man can act as a shepherd for his family as Christ does for the church.  Guiding his loved ones to listen and adhere to the principles our Savior taught.  If he is not assertive or able to maintain control of his emotions - he will fail in this regard.  

If he fails, he will require his wife - the alleged love of his life - to absorb his duties as well as hers.  He will teach his children that men are not capable and that women must overcome their weaknesses.  This is seen today, as men withdraw selfishly from the family, the world begins to leave them behind.  

Again - we need men to solve this issue.  

Provide

It is true that society has evolved past our ancestral times of hunting & gathering.  Any walk (er drive...) down to the mall will show that we have plenty of food and basic needs provided for here in America - as also evidenced by our gluttonous lifestyles resulting in obscene levels of obesity.  

So what is a man to provide?  Many that advocate that the men are no longer required reference the amount of women now earning as much or more than their husbands.  Such as here, or here or the article I referred to earlier in the blog.  

Their argument misses the fundamental point that it is for the man to provide - not the woman.  This actually has everything to do with capacity as well, women are much more capable nurturers for children than men are.  If they fulfill the role of the provider, something they are not as adequate at, they are now requiring that the man now nurture for the children - something they are not as adequate at.  

Women naturally want a man that can provide for the needs of them and their children.  This is an actual element of attraction women have (some fun reads on that here and here).  This is a result of the way God has designed the family unit.  

Men do not need to be rich to be found attractive, they need to prove stability.  This is what a woman seeking an environment that she may nurture will desire.  How can she nurture something that is not sustainable?

Again, we need men to solve this problem.  

Protect

Once a man provides a home - he must be able to protect it.  There is a natural inclination to think of physical defense from robbers or men intending to defame his wife or daughter(s) - but this is not limited to that.  It is true, a man must be able to protect his loved ones from wicked people, but these situations are rare and not worth extensive discussion.  

The family must also be protected from encroachment of freedoms, from belittlement of emotionally stinted bullies at school and from individual trials.  A man must be involved in society - seeking to better it, ensuring that not only is his home stable, but the community it is a part of.  

As children grow, they must learn how to defend themselves from emotional as well as physical assaults.  Pain and adversity is a part of life, sadly, the developmental years of a child provide plenty to learn from.  A father is to teach a son when it is appropriate to fight and when it is best to walk away.  He is to teach his children how to know that they are of worth - regardless of what other kids may say.  

If a child fails, the father is to teach him why he failed and how he can correct it.  This way, the father protects from future failures.  

It is important to note that protection is not sheltering.  One day, each child will reach the legal age of adult (legal as not all children reach adulthood) and will have to face the world.  Protecting children includes teaching them to be aware of what the world has - both good and bad - and ensuring that they are ready for the challenge.  

And again - this is something where men must step up and solve.  

Summary

Men have failed themselves and society by forsaking the precepts of manhood.  We have decided to allow women to dictate how to act, which is not correct.  Men are confrontational - this is a good thing as nothing good came without a confrontation.  

As men, we must learn to first submit to God and then follow the Savior's example in leading boys to manhood.  As we do so, the women in our lives will be relieved of the burdens they unjustly bear due to our failures and we will experience the stability God has promised us.  

Ok, it can be about you sometimes...

I think one of the best parenting decisions my wife and I made was having a bed time for our first child.  It set the expectation of when my wife and I could have time for us.

We didn't think the rule was that significant, when our son was 2 months old, we would go through the diaper / feeding / burping routine at 7 in the evening and put him down in his crib (in his own room).  Then, we would close the door and let him figure it out.  For the first several weeks, he cried bloody murder for the first hour or so but as time went on, his body adjusted and he would get groggy around that time.

As he got older, the middle of the night feedings went away and my wife and I had time together without kids (if I was home from school & work) everyday.  It was great.  Enter some of the other couples we knew in college, they had kids staying up until midnight - ruling their every minute together.  They were always tired, always looking for a moment of solace.

Often couples would ask us what the secret phrase or action would be to get our kids to go to sleep around 7.  We would tell them what we did and almost always they would say it would be too hard to hear their child cry to do that.  It would be too stressful.  Or - they would just stare blankly at us, clearly not believing us.

Time progressed and we repeated the action with our daughter.  We saw the same issue with other families as I began my career in the Marine Corps.  This was also the first time we met other families that had set boundaries such as ours, however.

It was a visible difference in the families that had boundaries, especially with the parents and their marriage.

Self

Relationships vary based on the individual ones, but the ones that are the most stable & sustainable are the ones where each individual is a complete person and equal contributor to it.  This is the same with marriages, unless each person is fully committed to the relationship, with a complete self, it will be rocky.

This can be seen when spouse is addicted to work, projects, pornography, alcohol, buying, and so on.  There is something missing in that person's life and so they fill it with detrimental actions - which will impede the health of the marriage.

Granted, there are times when one spouse will take more than the other in the relationship and this can be easily absorbed in the family dynamic if it is not the norm.

This also includes pursuits in fitness, education and enjoyment.  This life is more than mechanically going through the motions.  We are part of an eternal plan built on the premise of growth and development.

Consider how different the rising generation would be if they saw their parents pursuing health activities, skill refinement and wholesome recreation on a regular and consistent basis.  Our children learn from us how to take care of themselves - so if we are imbalanced, they will be too.

The Marriage

It is important to understand that the union of the husband and wife came (or ought to come) before the introduction of the children and should remain after the children have moved on as adults.  This is the model that God has created for us and is the most stable option available to us.

Additionally - God has commanded:

"Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else."

The key message here - if we are to love our spouse with our whole heart, this places them ahead of our children.  I know, shocking! But contrary to the common emotional discussions, our spouse should be our first priority after God.

It is surprising how many parents "stick it out" until the kids leave home and then divorce once they are empty nesters.  This is a result of a lack of balance - the parents had put the kids first and their spouse second.

Not only is this bad for the marriage, it is bad to teach the kids that they are the center of the universe.  I often rebuke my children for trying to interrupt the conversation I am having with my wife.  It isn't that I don't want to hear them or care about what they have to say, it is they need to know that the world does not stop for them.  They have to wait their turn and be patient.

Overall

No one else can develop us, we must choose to better ourselves (and hopefully this includes submission to Christ's teachings).  There are many that try to compensate for their insecurities by busying themselves with other's needs - this is not healthy.  We must first ensure we are capable of taking care of ourselves - which may require assistance from the family and others as needed.  Once we can sustain our individual health, then we can indulge in the fullness of family relationships.