I remember when my wife was pregnant with our daughter, I was often nervous. When she was pregnant with our son, I had a series of dreams where I saw him at different stages of his life - it felt like I knew him already. I still remember many of those images and they are so far accurate.
The second pregnancy, however, I didn't have any ideas. As the day that we could see the gender approached, I became more and more nervous. I did not want a daughter, I often said I would never had one as God knew me too well.
The day came (as they all do eventually) and I was running on a treadmill - trying to imagine what our second son would look like. I felt more and more exasperated and anxious until I felt a calm settle on me like dew. With it came a thought "it will be okay if it is a girl". I knew it was a prompting from my Father in Heaven, I also knew then we were having a baby girl. Yet, somehow I felt calm about it. My weeks of stress and frustration were dissipating.
My wife and I went down to the doctor's office, had the ultra sound and confirmed what I already knew: we were to have a little girl. My wife was ecstatic, she wanted a child that she could go and do girly things with.
I was terrified, I knew it would work out, but I was still scared. How could I take care of a daughter? I can't even remember the primary colors - I don't even have a favorite color! I don't know anything about fairy tales or patty cake or ponies (the cartoon variant) or dolls or all those things my kid-sister had that I routinely destroyed growing up (once my brother and I shot up all of her dolls with our brand new bows - it didn't end well for us...).
And what about dating? And what about her self esteem? What about her security?
My wife constantly ensured me that loving her would be enough, but I still doubted. How could I connect with her to let her know that I love her if I don't understand the way she sees the world?
The years have gone by, I am still terrified as her father but I am learning how to live with it. She is my Little Princess and she knows that I am here for her even though I still have not watched a pony show to completion - the few times I have snuggled with her on the couch, to watch I fell asleep.
Dad's do Matter
With all that is changing in our society and culture regarding sexuality and family structure, a common question is if dad's are really needed. The argument for boys needing a dad is easier than girls needing a dad. It is true, there are things that make a mother irreplaceable with both boys & girls, but for this blog, I am only discussing the role of the father.
A father is to preside, provide and protect his family - not just his sons. Often, men are viewed as only a paycheck and an additional child for the mother to care for. This unhealthy view builds barriers between a father and his daughter that he has no control over.
Often times our media degrades the image of men - the irony given the drive and aggression natural to them is what defined the world we live in today. For instance:
The second pregnancy, however, I didn't have any ideas. As the day that we could see the gender approached, I became more and more nervous. I did not want a daughter, I often said I would never had one as God knew me too well.
The day came (as they all do eventually) and I was running on a treadmill - trying to imagine what our second son would look like. I felt more and more exasperated and anxious until I felt a calm settle on me like dew. With it came a thought "it will be okay if it is a girl". I knew it was a prompting from my Father in Heaven, I also knew then we were having a baby girl. Yet, somehow I felt calm about it. My weeks of stress and frustration were dissipating.
My wife and I went down to the doctor's office, had the ultra sound and confirmed what I already knew: we were to have a little girl. My wife was ecstatic, she wanted a child that she could go and do girly things with.
I was terrified, I knew it would work out, but I was still scared. How could I take care of a daughter? I can't even remember the primary colors - I don't even have a favorite color! I don't know anything about fairy tales or patty cake or ponies (the cartoon variant) or dolls or all those things my kid-sister had that I routinely destroyed growing up (once my brother and I shot up all of her dolls with our brand new bows - it didn't end well for us...).
And what about dating? And what about her self esteem? What about her security?
My wife constantly ensured me that loving her would be enough, but I still doubted. How could I connect with her to let her know that I love her if I don't understand the way she sees the world?
The years have gone by, I am still terrified as her father but I am learning how to live with it. She is my Little Princess and she knows that I am here for her even though I still have not watched a pony show to completion - the few times I have snuggled with her on the couch, to watch I fell asleep.
Dad's do Matter
With all that is changing in our society and culture regarding sexuality and family structure, a common question is if dad's are really needed. The argument for boys needing a dad is easier than girls needing a dad. It is true, there are things that make a mother irreplaceable with both boys & girls, but for this blog, I am only discussing the role of the father.
A father is to preside, provide and protect his family - not just his sons. Often, men are viewed as only a paycheck and an additional child for the mother to care for. This unhealthy view builds barriers between a father and his daughter that he has no control over.
Often times our media degrades the image of men - the irony given the drive and aggression natural to them is what defined the world we live in today. For instance:
- Here you have a child openly discussing how incompetent his father is in this ad - thanks mom for saving dad's mess up again!
- Or how about this one where the dad can't even wash the dog - and the daughter is politely dealing with him?
- Of course - dad's don't really work hard when they are away from kids, right? They just leave to have fun - you know, dad stuff...
- This one - is actually pretty funny up until the mom spoke - it is true, dad's try crazy new things. Again, our drive is what has built modern society, we learn from failures as much as we do from successes, isn't that one of those life lesson thingy's we are supposed to be teaching our kids? Yet, this plays on the mom having to overcome a dad's inability to just not be dumb.
You have to question, how stupid are the women that "settle" with such inept men. Why would they choose to have their children?
Dad's Matter to Daughter's
Again, it is easier to convince people that dad's matter to their sons - but a sad point lost (by all of society) is the value of a dad to a daughter. Interestingly enough, the data does not agree with the emotions of our society.
For instance, there is a strong link between a daughter and her father's relationship that will determine how sexually promiscuous she will be. On that same note, there is no correlation for her relationship with her mother in that area.
To compound that, a daughters relationship with her fathers actually impacts the timing of when she enters puberty (poor relationships are correlated with early puberty). This has several long term health implications (so the doctors say at least) - but more to a behavioral point, they develop sexual appetites earlier as well. Some girls hit puberty as young as 8 or 9 - and along with this, sexual appetites by the time they are 10. Who really thinks a 10 year old is ready for that hormone shot?
Why?
A father has three distinct duties in the home:
- Preside: By following the Lord's example in shepherding his family, he will teach his daughter what to expect from a man. This will guide her later in life as she seeks boyfriends and eventually a husband - she should learn what a good man is from her father: A God-fearing man of integrity that ensures his family is taken care of.
- Provide: A father is devoted to providing a stable home for his family, ensuring that their basic needs are met and that they also have enjoyment. Also, as men are more aggressive than women, a man will encourage roughhousing with his children and an acceptance for risk taking when needed. These will guide his daughter in life not only as she seeks a husband, but also as she seeks to better herself.
- Protect: Many fools scoff at the concepts of manhood in this area - proclaiming society has evolved past the need of physical protection. Clearly, the requirement for physical protection from the elements and evil people has been diminished, but it is not removed. In addition to this, fathers must also protect their daughters from other issues such as the media telling them what beautiful is, or boyfriends demanding sexual acts in exchange for a relationship or the internal battles of self worth. All of this, a father must protect his daughter by ensuring her confidence is rooted in his love as well as her Savior's.
Overall, I am grateful to my Father in Heaven that knew me well enough to entrust me with the sacred duty of being a dad to one of his most precious children - my Princess. I have learned so much about what a husband / father / man ought to be as I have sought to better myself to be the father she deserves. It is my constant hope and prayer that my actions will be enough for her.
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