I recently saw a photo of some old friends of mine where they had done a long distance bike ride and I felt the immediate pains of spite. I had to sell my bike about 2 years ago and have been longing to buy one ever since I took the cash. Riding was certainly one of the better forms of stress relief I have ever had in my life.
When you consider the things that make us miserable in life, I think jealousy is pretty far up there. I would never actually rank negative attributes (not sure if I would rank positive ones either...) but it envy is truly the antithesis of gratitude - a foundational requirement for a content life.
But why is that? How does it eat away at our inner peace? I have been thinking about how jealousy corrodes our happiness and here are the thoughts I have compiled so far.
Lack of Confidence in Self
Life is a summation of our choices. Each of us are where we are at directly due to our actions so far in our life. This means, if we envy what others have, we don't feel we made the correct choice at some point in our life. Either we made the wrong choice or we are not capable of achieving more than what we are at.
When we envy what someone else has, we place their achievements in life above ours - shadowing any reason we have to celebrate personal successes. How demoralizing is that? Yes, there are people that have more than us in life, but why does that have to take away from our accomplishments and resulting happiness?
For instance, I watched a sycophant in the Marine Corps during Hurricane Sandy relief efforts stay up virtually all night "planning". He did so as he was trying to impress our obtuse CO and XO. It worked, he got an award for his efforts there despite he provided some of the least value. At the time, I was irritated at him, as were several others in the unit.
If you look at the stupidity of his choices, how can you improve a plan after the orders have been given? Truth is, you cannot. Anything he changed would have to be re-instructed after the Marines woke up - which could impact the issuing of gear or the items the Marines had to pack in preparation. He did all of that and more, wasting everyone's time from the CO on down with re-issuing serialized equipment which also prevented many of his Marines from being able to eat breakfast before embarking on the mission.
When my CO and XO demanded those type of actions from me, I stood my ground and went with common sense - I never received any form of recognition from that unit despite some of the profound accomplishments that had Marine Corps wide impacts. Not many junior officers write policy that is absorbed directly by the Logistics Command and provided to other units.
My envy for him faded as I realized I would never pay the price he paid to receive that award. Regardless of how my CO viewed me, I knew what I had done and my Marines respected me for it. That was why I commissioned, to add value to the Marine Corps and my Marines - personal recognition was not required for it.
To envy that attention seeker implies the declaration of my choices as misguided. Once I walked through my actions regarding what I could have done to have achieved the short term acknowledgement, I surrendered my desire for his award - the cost was too high for me. Peace was restored and I continued to go about my duties.
Priorities
Once we ensure we are confident in our actions, we declare our priorities incorrect when we are jealous of what other people have. I have a colleague that became a senior leader within a matter of years after he left college. He's probably the youngest person to have ever held the title - no small feat. I am very ambitious, I crave responsibility and the ability to have influence. I enjoy the stress of it and the pay doesn't hurt either.
When I realized his success, I talked with him about it briefly - eager to take some advice as I am commonly the youngest / most junior in my meetings. His response startled me, he sighed and let me know that it was a result of him not taking time for himself. He didn't really want to discuss it more than that and so we talked about other subjects before we parted ways.
It was a confirming moment for me as I have always tried to keep my family high in my priorities. There are times when I lose that focus, but overall my family is a key part of my life. Yes, it would be great to have an achievement like his, but my priorities in life begin with my duties to God and family. No accomplishment I obtain in life can recompense failure in those areas as those are the only permanent relationships in the eternal view.
This man was clearly envious of other people's balance in life, that should be a clear message in how we ought to approach balance in our life based on our priorities.
Perspective
Finally - if we are jealous of what others have, we miss the purpose of our life here. We are to learn how to control our carnal desires and choose our Savior above ourselves. That is the purpose of this life, no more and no less. A successful life is not contingent upon wealth or public achievements - which means happiness is not contingent upon these things.
When we lose focus and pursue things that are not of value, we find emptiness. This emptiness can either guide us back to a purpose driven life, or it can push us further into selfish pursuits that, without fail, will result in envy and greed.
The race in life is not with others but rather our past self. We must trust in the guidance we receive from God and our ability to make good decisions with that guidance if we are to have confidence in this life. This confidence will not allow room for petty feelings of jealousy - nor will we have the time or interest as we confidently pursue a good life.
In summary - I think jealousy denies us happiness because it declares every decision, desire, and even our view on life, to be misguided. This is why we must be grateful for what we have regardless of what others have.
When you consider the things that make us miserable in life, I think jealousy is pretty far up there. I would never actually rank negative attributes (not sure if I would rank positive ones either...) but it envy is truly the antithesis of gratitude - a foundational requirement for a content life.
But why is that? How does it eat away at our inner peace? I have been thinking about how jealousy corrodes our happiness and here are the thoughts I have compiled so far.
Lack of Confidence in Self
Life is a summation of our choices. Each of us are where we are at directly due to our actions so far in our life. This means, if we envy what others have, we don't feel we made the correct choice at some point in our life. Either we made the wrong choice or we are not capable of achieving more than what we are at.
When we envy what someone else has, we place their achievements in life above ours - shadowing any reason we have to celebrate personal successes. How demoralizing is that? Yes, there are people that have more than us in life, but why does that have to take away from our accomplishments and resulting happiness?
For instance, I watched a sycophant in the Marine Corps during Hurricane Sandy relief efforts stay up virtually all night "planning". He did so as he was trying to impress our obtuse CO and XO. It worked, he got an award for his efforts there despite he provided some of the least value. At the time, I was irritated at him, as were several others in the unit.
If you look at the stupidity of his choices, how can you improve a plan after the orders have been given? Truth is, you cannot. Anything he changed would have to be re-instructed after the Marines woke up - which could impact the issuing of gear or the items the Marines had to pack in preparation. He did all of that and more, wasting everyone's time from the CO on down with re-issuing serialized equipment which also prevented many of his Marines from being able to eat breakfast before embarking on the mission.
When my CO and XO demanded those type of actions from me, I stood my ground and went with common sense - I never received any form of recognition from that unit despite some of the profound accomplishments that had Marine Corps wide impacts. Not many junior officers write policy that is absorbed directly by the Logistics Command and provided to other units.
My envy for him faded as I realized I would never pay the price he paid to receive that award. Regardless of how my CO viewed me, I knew what I had done and my Marines respected me for it. That was why I commissioned, to add value to the Marine Corps and my Marines - personal recognition was not required for it.
To envy that attention seeker implies the declaration of my choices as misguided. Once I walked through my actions regarding what I could have done to have achieved the short term acknowledgement, I surrendered my desire for his award - the cost was too high for me. Peace was restored and I continued to go about my duties.
Priorities
Once we ensure we are confident in our actions, we declare our priorities incorrect when we are jealous of what other people have. I have a colleague that became a senior leader within a matter of years after he left college. He's probably the youngest person to have ever held the title - no small feat. I am very ambitious, I crave responsibility and the ability to have influence. I enjoy the stress of it and the pay doesn't hurt either.
When I realized his success, I talked with him about it briefly - eager to take some advice as I am commonly the youngest / most junior in my meetings. His response startled me, he sighed and let me know that it was a result of him not taking time for himself. He didn't really want to discuss it more than that and so we talked about other subjects before we parted ways.
It was a confirming moment for me as I have always tried to keep my family high in my priorities. There are times when I lose that focus, but overall my family is a key part of my life. Yes, it would be great to have an achievement like his, but my priorities in life begin with my duties to God and family. No accomplishment I obtain in life can recompense failure in those areas as those are the only permanent relationships in the eternal view.
This man was clearly envious of other people's balance in life, that should be a clear message in how we ought to approach balance in our life based on our priorities.
Perspective
Finally - if we are jealous of what others have, we miss the purpose of our life here. We are to learn how to control our carnal desires and choose our Savior above ourselves. That is the purpose of this life, no more and no less. A successful life is not contingent upon wealth or public achievements - which means happiness is not contingent upon these things.
When we lose focus and pursue things that are not of value, we find emptiness. This emptiness can either guide us back to a purpose driven life, or it can push us further into selfish pursuits that, without fail, will result in envy and greed.
The race in life is not with others but rather our past self. We must trust in the guidance we receive from God and our ability to make good decisions with that guidance if we are to have confidence in this life. This confidence will not allow room for petty feelings of jealousy - nor will we have the time or interest as we confidently pursue a good life.
In summary - I think jealousy denies us happiness because it declares every decision, desire, and even our view on life, to be misguided. This is why we must be grateful for what we have regardless of what others have.
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