My Place

Is it here or is it there?

Where shall I lo?

It has never been here nor there –

Can I even glow?

Common I am and plain –

Like all the rest.

It seems average is my bane,

Can I even give it wrest?

If not here nor there –

Perhaps it is then,

My place to fair,

In time, but when?

But average is now, not then.

I must be more,

To be recalled when –

For greatness is my implore!

For I envy the respite,

Of all I see and meet.

Their calm my spite,

Their acceptance my defeat.

I shall be more and surely –

I ought not be leery,

Else my implore is but folly –

To secure my place in history!

To seek it then,

I forsake it now.

To reject it then,

Is to settle now.

For now is not then,

And I am but one.

I need only one den,

For I am alone.

Living now for when,

I am long gone,

Securing my value for when,

My time already spent and done.

Why this gap?

Within my soul,

While my head on lover’s lap,

Why yet not enough for the toll?

So still I race –

In search through time and space.

Will its light grace my face?

Will I ever find my place?

Childish or Coddled?

I read an article the other day where a man explained how his seven year old son had concerns regarding death.  It was a traumatic experience for the man as he viewed his son too young and tender to comprehend the travesty of life.  Although it was a good article regarding how a parent can relate the Plan of Salvation God has for us, I found myself irritated at the naïve view of its author. 

I look at society now and see it is common to marry older, perhaps never and co-habitating with one's parents is not only acceptable but expected!  There is a lot of talk about when a child is "ready" for discussion of adult things - except for sexual promiscuity of course.  We don't expect children to earn places and feel the sting of defeat when they fail.  They are not to be exposed to the reality of how violent this world is or the fact of death.  No, they don't even need to secure a job as it is too difficult for them. 

It is no wonder to me that the rising generation takes so little thought regarding self-sufficiency - they are told since birth to wait until they are older.  This goes against all societal developments - it defies the natural order of things set in place by God.  Teenagers are torn between their natural drive to explore and develop their place in this world and the disappointing treatment they receive from adults that deny them progress. 

This makes them either severely abrasive and prone to even more juvenile decisions or beats them to complacency and they accept that someone in this world has succeeded at their expense and thus they are owed something.

My wife found a great quote some years ago, it goes something like this:

I am not raising my children to be good kids, I am raising them to be good adults.

We have completely lost this view in life.  Every adult my age laments the "good ole days" when they roamed the neighborhood as children, yet they refuse to let their child be denied an award even when the child fails on all metrics.  Or they then decide what is "suitable" for a child and what is not - teaching the child at every turn that he does not have to ever make a choice or be held accountable.  Then, naturally, when the child reaches the age of "man" and still acts as though he need not decide or take accountability for his behaviors - everyone loses their minds. 

Life Expectancy

This made me wonder - what did we expect in times past?  Given that the life expectancy has gone from as young as 22 to the current of around 80 in the past 500 years - it could not have always been this way.

By today's standards, a man at the end of his life expectancy in England during 1558 should still be firmly tied by the apron strings and still avoid "adulting" as much as possible.  This begs to question, how is it possible for society to have subsisted for so long if these ages are so inherently incapable?  Of course, wisdom and temperance is gained with experience - which requires age for us humans, but it does not explain how families were made, children were taught trades, skills and societal expectations with how we treat youth today. 

Family Structure

I know it is common for people to be offended at Mohammed for his marriage to the 6 year old bride, but I wonder how many people realize that this was rather common for the Christian & Jewish cultures as well. 

Juliet in Shakespeare's romance was nearly an old maid and about 13 years old.  Marriages as young as 7 were common - they were to wait to consummate the marriage until after the first menstruation, however. 

With all this in mind, that child this man was concerned about could have been married at his age.  He could have been a father in only 5 or 6 years. 

What about War?

Midshipmen began as young as 8 years old in the British Navy.  Let that sink in for a bit, a child barely in 2nd grade could have been in a position of authority aboard a warship in a time when battles at sea were probably the safest venture the ship entered. 

With the lack of mathematical understandings, ships did not stay aright as they do now; there were no GPS or modern maps to chart by; no weather models to know when a storm would hit; no food chain or understanding how to prevent illnesses such as scurvy; the list goes on and on for the perils they faced. 

Yet, the Royal Navy did this for over a hundred years - rather successfully I might add.  The Royal Navy was a terror to others afloat. 

Summary

I am not advocating we return to such extreme ages for marriage or sexual conduct, but it is important realize the potential of children.  They can comprehend amazing things - they are very adaptable and learn much faster than we adults.  If we take the time to explain things to them, trust that they are budding adults eager and ready to face this world - then I think we will be pleasantly surprised in the results. 

The ultimate age I think we must consider is the age of reasoning God as set - He has informed us that a child is capable of knowing the difference between right & wrong at the age of eight.  That is why we baptize at that age - the child is now accountable for his own decisions. 

I look at my son, who turns 10 this year, and he already does his own laundry; cooks things such as pizza, eggs and soups; and is beginning to learn how to work with electronics and programming.  My daughter is not far behind him in age or in learning. 

Contrast this to the amount of people who have no idea how to cook (the article is in Australia, but for some reason I couldn't find much about cooking in America).  We need to start treating our children like the adults they will become.  This includes entrusting them with duties around the house, allowing them to feel the sting of failure and defeat as well as how to temper the euphoria of success. 

There is no "magical" age where suddenly children are capable of understanding our fallen world - I challenge any adult who claims to understand it fully to be either an idiot or a liar.  Instead of teaching our children to squander their tender years, we ought to have them invest it into their future success and independence. 

Value of Life

I had a captain that taught that we as people should always invite council from those that come from different backgrounds into our trainings as we will always default to what we know when the time counts.  He was introducing his platoon of newly minted lieutenants to the principles of indirect fire. 

Most of us grew up on video games and movies showing that direct fire weapons were used in eliminating the enemy.  While it seems this does happen, the kill ratio proves it is not the most efficient method - in the battle for Fallujah, the US averaged 250,000 rounds fired per insurgent killed. 

There aren't any statistics for it, but the kill ratio for indirect fire is much more efficient.  Essentially, direct fire is used for holding the enemy in place, and then you lob an explosive over their cover.  That is modern warfare tactics in a nutshell. 

The point to this tangent is that most people would not think of such a strategy based on their cultural training from media.  This thought process must be learned and refined through technical knowledge and proficiency training. 

Ironically enough, the Marine Corps trained me in the value of investment more than anything else.  Being a supply officer, I was not in the business of taking life, but of sustaining it.  It was for me to translate the priorities of the unit commander into monetary controls.  I denied good requests that were needed - sometimes urgently - but were not in line with where the unit priorities were. 

Now that I have left the Corps, I continue this training of what I know - I fund what my wife and I care for.  We want to be free from debt and to enjoy family vacations.  As result, we do not eat out much or see movies in the theater - we don't even pay for cable TV.  We keep a car that we own and hate because we own it.  Our house seems to shrink each year, but we are firm with staying put. 

Recently, I have thought about the concept of the life through a financial view.  Each of us has purchased a life and it will cost us death.  We left the eternal realm of Father's to come to this corner of His creations to experience mortality.  It was always to be temporary, so death was the liability levied against our revenue of time. 

What we choose to expense our time on while we are here is up to us.  I know many people that make more money than I do, yet my wife and I seem to have more buying power than them.  We certainly travel more regularly with our children - and soon that travel will include international expeditions.  We have set a list of priorities and goals for our family and spend accordingly.  There is nothing wrong with how other families spend their money, but it proves the point that a focused expenditure can result in spectacular results. 

Back to the view of time, I am not a sports fan.  There are many reasons for it, so I will leave it at that.  I have never been nor will I ever appreciate the hobby of watching sports.  I do enjoy learning, writing and developing my hobbies.  When I published my first book (self published) many exclaimed that they could not understand how I found the time.  The answer is rather easy for me,  I do not know anything about any of the many teams or athletes that those I associate with can rattle off about for hours. 

I have not found some secret method of unlocking more hours in my day, I simply expend them differently.  I can go on about legal precedence and constitutional implications of politics - I can reiterate lessons learned from empires long gone in the next breath.  The names, dates and places slide off my tongue with ease - but I cannot tell you the name of the actor in my favorite TV show.  Often times, I can't even remember the character's name the following day. 

I read a wonderful article the other day from "The Art of Manliness" about how a man achieves maturity.  To sum it up, when a male produces more than he consumes, he has achieved manhood.  If only we as society viewed our time in this way, but instead, we seek pleasure without end - of course this is the end state of Marxism. 

The truth is, one day we will all stand to be judged of how we spent our time here on Earth.  We will have to publicly review our decisions and actions through the lens of eternal impact.  At that day, I wonder how it will feel.  I certainly hope that at that day I shall not be found wanting.  I hope that my actions will have developed power through honor and integrity by the investment of my time into fulfillment of duties and creation of good. 

Entertainment is needed, as is sleep and lulls of productivity.  All of these provide us a rounded view in life and increase our capacity to appreciate success and absorb the stress that comes with it.  The key is that we do the fun things with that intent as opposed to doing the hard things only to enjoy our off time. 

We must accept that the price of our life is death - it is up to us to determine whether or not it is worth the purchase. 

Family Councils

Last year, an apostle guided us to conduct family decisions and planning via "Family Councils".  In addition to the humor in it - reference to an "MP-3" player & "poking" on Facebook - it has slowly distilled upon my mind for the past many months. 

My wife and I have resolved to apply the guidance in our home and initial results have already verified its usefulness.  We have managed to get into a routine of having Family Home Evening (FHE) over the past year or so - this is where one day a week we teach our children aspects of the gospel.  We have done this on Sundays given my client work capitalizes my time Monday evenings - the traditional night for it. 

Scheduling

A few weeks ago, we expanded our FHE to include councils.  We weren't sure what to discuss at first, so we started with scheduling.  Manda got the kids their own hanging calendars and everything - they loved it!  We sit at the table after dinner and review what is coming up first that week and then any major events coming up in the next month. 

A fun result of this is that we are actually starting to plan fun activities when we realize we have a free afternoon or weekend. 

Goal Achievement

We then added goal discussions.  Each of us have listed our New Year Resolutions and we set weekly goals that we track, review and discuss after scheduling.  This has been a great way to show the kids how we can work towards goals.  Sometimes we don't achieve it and that is an opportunity to learn and improve.  Sometimes the goal was wrong - which is also a chance to learn how to set goals. 

As we go through the week, the kids are beginning to learn how to work on their goals.  Our son wants to learn electronics - so he works with a kit we got him that has hardware or he spends time on code.org - a great site that teachings the concepts of programming. 

Our daughter wants to learn how to make bracelets and knit, so she is working with her separate looms and needles.  She finally used an extension to her loom my mother got her late last year and made a new bracelet with small rubber bands.  It was too small, so we talked about how to learn how to make it bigger the following week. 

The kids certainly didn't know how to plan, but I think as we grow this into a habit, we will be able to instill some sense of discipline and self-motivation that will support them throughout their lives. 

Problem Resolution

After the first several counsels, my wife and I discussed how we were tired of our kids either complaining or throwing temper tantrums over chores and school work.  In the past - this has resulted in a punishment we inflict upon them with great prejudice, but we are tiring of that approach.  Not only is it not very enjoyable as a parent - it clearly is not having the desired impacts. 

So, we decided to bring the kids in the conversation and outlined our frustrations with them.  They were very timid at first with it, not really sure what to do.  We discussed a holistic reward & punishment option and they had some great input.  The following Monday, Manda started the school day with a small discussion of what all had to be completed.  They came up with their own timelines for school & chores and what the consequences of achieving or missing the timelines. 

That day resulted in our son playing the Xbox before dinner - something he has not been able to do for months.  Our daughter drug her feet a bit, but she finished her work about 15 minutes behind him - something that had not happened for months either. 

We are at the genesis of this, but I have high hopes for the sustained results!

Executive Counsel

My wife and I have had what Elder Ballard referred to as "Executive Counsels" - a fancy way of saying husband and wife reviewing status of the relationship, family and household - for much of our marriage, if not regularly.  They began as a necessity given our dire financial situation in college.  We started to budget then and they have been a semi-regular meeting since then. 

We have stringent goals for our lives - being debt free before our oldest leaves home, visiting each continent as well before he leaves.  I take it further with my desire to be a millionaire - but that is by the time I'm 50 so a bit longer of a timeline...  All of these require diligent use of funds.  Some activities would be great but would take away from the greater goal. 

By us meeting more regularly to discuss more than finances, however, we are discussing each child and what we need to do for that child's development.  For example, we are discussing how we can improve the spirit in our home with the entertainment we let in and participate with. 

Summary

Counsels are truly the way God would have us lead.  He taught us with His perfect example in counseling with the Gods before the developed this Earth and The Plan of Salvation.  They provide the ability for each member of the counsel to engage stewardship and accountability.  All grow together.  Such loving guidance, I am grateful for the lesson Elder Ballard taught and I look forward to adding to my list of why I think counsels are great for the family. 

Money & Stewardship

I often hear people proclaim that "money is the root of all evil" and there is quite the sentiment in the American culture now to despise those who have acquired wealth.  It is odd to me, people will flock to listen to a comedian or actor that makes millions upon millions each year to insult a man that has built a company that employs thousands of people and then pays himself a few million each year.  It is non-sensical to say the least. 

It also imposes a degree of discomfort for me as I am unashamedly seeking to become a millionaire in the next 2 decades.  My intent is to become free.  Free to do with my life as I see fit.  Currently, I am enslaved by my mortgage and car payments.  Further more, my employer dictates between 40 and 50 hours of my week - but beyond the hours, my option in where I live, when I travel or how I spend the remaining hours of my days, and so on are controlled. 

I am clearly not unique in this, but that does not mean I am satisfied with it.  My whole life I have watched my parents and those I have associated with trade their time for money - and never have enough to retire.  My generation has no chance of a retirement in the traditional sense.  Pensions are a thing of the past thanks to uncontrolled inflation and regulatory costs such as healthcare.  IRAs are a joke unless you make over 6 figures for 4 or 5 decades and open several IRAs. 

The question must be asked then - if money is the root of all evil, why does everyone trade their most valuable resource (time) for it? 

My wife and I hit several significant markers last year - we celebrated 10 years of marriage and realized that our son had already lived half of the years he will be living with us.  This year, he has fewer years at home than he has lived.  It has jolted me to the core to realize that my children are marching at the steady rate of time out of my home. 

I now consider things such as, how can I maximize my earnings from work - so that my wife and I can retire - but without sacrificing time with my children?  As I notice my son maturing, however, I also consider things such as - what should I encourage him to do so that he will do better than me?

Something I am currently seeking to impress upon my son to become, and what my daughter ought to seek in a husband, is a man unafraid of success.  To have a clear conscious in accomplishments.  I have seen truly impoverished places in this world that are wrenching on the soul - but that does not mean I must live in squander. 

To be even more clear, I can have no influence or impact to alleviate those that suffer if I myself am suffering.  As Christ taught - cleanse the inner vessel first. 

This is where stewardship comes into play.  Money for the sake of money is illogical just as the storage of shovels is.  Why?  Simple, they are both tools - nothing more, nothing less.  But, money for the purpose of establishing security for family and then the ability to influence this world as a force for good - that is stewardship. 

My first duty to my family and society is the same - ensure we are self sufficient.  If we are, then we aid society in that we reduce the demand of support.  If that is all that can be achieved, then stewardship is realized in its infancy. 

Just as a family grows, so must our stewardship.  As the earning power is increased, the dependencies are eradicated until the point more can be supported.  This is where Stewardship is realized - in the expansion of influence. 

It is this I wish to teach my children - work intelligently.  At the beginning of every career, there is an imbalanced trade for money & time.  This is fine if it is for a purpose.  A person cannot start an expert or a leader, these things must be developed with experience.  An employer provides these as part of the compensation, making the lower hourly wage worth it if it builds to something greater. 

A man can still be a steward at the beginning of his career while he is doing the lowly work - he must simply have an understanding how he will increase his independence and one day be able to be truly free from the mindless money for time rat race. 

It will take patience and determination.  It is not easy and there are no shortcuts - but life must be lived with a purpose.  Without purpose, life is not worth the price of death we all pay. 

Agency - is it really Choice?

I find myself going through phases of what I learn and ponder.  Last year, I spent much of it contemplating the concept of "time" from a scriptural stand point.  It was an exciting year of learning - especially for a non-physicist such as myself.  Probably much of what I learned was nothing more than an intro to relativity for those that specialize in such topics.

A few weeks ago, I was reading from the LDS Ensign and found a wonderful article: "With All They Getting, Get Understanding" and it has given me focus on simple things I have previously ignored.  It made me think, with all that I study and review, do I hit pause and look at my basic beliefs?  Truth is, I do not.  I quickly dive into intricate topics, eager to expand my mind - but it has been a while since I have reviewed the foundations of my beliefs. 

For instance - as a Mormon, a very fundamental belief is that we all have "Agency".  If you go anywhere to a LDS service discussing this - you will hear phrases like "free agency is the freedom to choose".  That is certainly supported by the dictionary - but that combination of words is never found in the scriptures. 

With the ease of technology, I was able to search through the use of words in the Scriptures (being Mormon, this means the Bible (Old & New Testament - King James version), The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine & Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price [combination of Joseph Smith's story and a supplement to the books of Moses]).

Usage Review: Choice

In the Scriptures, I found the word "Choice" 48 times.  47 of the uses were the same in that "choice" was the best of options - such as Proverbs 8:10

"Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold."

This usage was not in what a person chooses but rather a reference to the quality of something. 

There was one usage of the word "choice" where it referenced a decision, Acts 15:7, this is where Peter is stating that God decided for the apostles to teach the Gentiles. 

With that in mind, it does not seem God puts much emphasis on the concept of blanket "choice".  The verbiage indicates mainly that there are things that are "choice" in life in that they ought to drive our decisions accordingly. 

This is consistent with Christ's proclamation that He is the way the truth & the light and that there are no other ways back to Father.  Christ is "Choice" as are His teachings, and therefore they ought drive our decisions accordingly. 

Usage Review: Agent

I found the word "Agent[s]" 22 times in the Scriptures.  There were 2 usages of it - many were in Doctrine & Covenants where Joseph Smith was directing the church's finances and representation to be handled via "agents".  In other words, this is the same usage we have for it now - a person who acts on behalf of another. 

The other times were along these lines from Moses 6:56

"And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment."

This is interesting to me, as in 2 Nephi 9:46, it states that we will be forced to exclaim that Christ's judgments are holy:

"Holy, holy are thy judgments, O Lord God Almighty—but I know my guilt; I transgressed thy law, and my transgressions are mine; and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery."

It seems that we are to represent ourselves as we will have a "perfect knowledge of all our guilt, and our uncleanness, and our nakedness; and .... have a perfect knowledge of [our] enjoyment, and [our] righteousness, being clothed with purity, yea, even with the robe of righteousness." 2 Nephi 9:14

I get from this that we are to choose what we represent - either good or evil.  There is no buffet from us to choose from, we either emulate Christ or we emulate Satan - but we cannot create something new, we only select which of the two options we wish to represent. 

Usage Review: Agency

This word was rarely used, I only found it 6 times.  I think the easiest way to show the context for its usage is in this verse, D&C 101:78

"That every man may act in doctrine and principle pertaining to futurity, according to the moral agency which I have given unto him, that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment."

In essence, the agency we have is the ability to select the morals we will adhere to.  Given that we live in a space and time separate from God - we are sufficiently removed from His presence that we can in arrogance deny it.  But again, this provides us only 2 options, to accept God for who and what He is or reject Him and obey Satan.  This is our choice and ours alone - this is our agency.  Satan cannot force us, therefore we must be accountable to ourselves and to God for what we do. 

Summary

I think Joshua said it best in his book, chapter 24 verse 15

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

As Christ felt momentarily alone on the cross, each of us lives in a spiritual death (separation from God) in this life.  This separation, however painful, is necessary to provide us the ability to represent our true selves.  As God told Joseph Smith in D&C 29:36

"And it came to pass that Adam, being tempted of the devil—for, behold, the devil was before Adam, for he rebelled against me, saying, Give me thine honor, which is my power; and also a third part of the hosts of heaven turned he away from me because of their agency"

Many of God's children were sufficiently brazen to reject Christ in the presence of God.  Most of us were not, but this did not necessarily mean that we in fact desired to follow Christ.  Thus, the separation is a crucial part of God's plan (Alma 12:21):

"[T]here was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead."

This period here on Earth is, therefore, an artificial existence where we have the opportunity to be tried & tested.  The basic question is simple - will we accept or reject our King, Jesus Christ?  We can only represent one or the other and that is our choice. 

Resolutions

My wife and I have often set individual and family resolutions each year.  Generally, we have done well in achieving them but I have never personally written them down to hold myself accountable to them.

Last year, I had the goal of shooting a turkey, a boar & a deer.  I wasn't even able to go turkey hunting and the one deer that was shot on my hunting trip wasn't by me and it died somewhere in the forest and we weren't able to find it as we shot it right at sunset.  Of course, it snowed that night so no chance of finding it in the morning either.

So, here is to a year where I write my goals down and hopefully refer to it throughout the year...

I have two goals: I want to become more self-sufficient and more present with my children.

Self Sufficiency 

There are three parts to this as I have two in my professional pursuits and one hobby that I want to learn and develop this year.

• New Project at work 

Clearly I cannot say too much of this, but essentially I am wanting to help bring new business into the company I work for.  Being a consultant that knows how to manage an account is one thing, but to be a truly successful consultant, you have to have the ability to bring in new business.

I followed a prompting last Fall that has opened the door of opportunity that may lead to me being a key role in doing just this.  If this does come to be, clearly it will be a great addition to my resume and proof of ability to perform at the next level at work.  Both of these bring financial benefits that will assist my wife and I with our stability in the home by paying off debt or funding something more we have interest in.

• Investment Firm 

A friend and a brother-in-law of mine have begun discussing opening our own investment firm.  We don't have much to invest, but by investing in apps and over-sea development options, we can start earning enough to eventually be able to invest in companies here in the US.

This month, we are looking at opening the firm and potentially taking on our first investment.

• Blacksmithing

I have resolved to learn how to conduct my own blacksmithing in creating tools.  I want a hunting knife and I cannot find the simple, functional design I want as most knives are built for fashion over function these days, the few that do meet my requirements are over $100.  There are also several things my wife has that are either wearing out or she is making do without them that I can learn how to create.

With this in mind, I built my anvil on January 2nd and hope to have my forge completed in early January.  I have already collected some iron and brass parts to begin working - my first project will be a set of tongs.

Time with my children

Last year I did not go fishing once.  My son loves fishing and often requested it, but with my client work being predominately at night (my client is in Japan & Australia) I never made the time for it.  He is already 9 years old, half way gone from my home.  My daughter turns 8 this year, quickly approaching the same milestone.

I do not know how long I will live or how often I will be able to see them after this next decade is over.  I do not want to repeat this year.  My wife and I take them out for one-on-one dinners each month, but I want to start playing more games with them, going camping as a family - and spending more quality time with them.

We have already resolved to play games after dinner each Sunday night and share daily chores where we work together instead of just watching shows or movies.  I'm sure it won't occur every day, but as long as it is most of the days, I will be satisfied.