Over the past several weeks, I have been thinking about a father's
role. As such, many of my posts have emphasized the duties and
responsibilities of a father. An interesting point, however, is that I
have also been learning about mothers as I have done this.
God created both male and female -
two distinct genders that drive key purposes in life. Men are aggressive,
and we often measure our success by other’s failures. This is seen in sports, business, military
and most of our views in life. This is
natural to us, and is driven by our need and desire to preside, provide and
protect our families.
Women, on the other hand, are here to nurture. When I first read that, I thought it odd that
the men have three underlying tasks and women have only one. As the weeks went by, however, I began to
notice that this is also fitting. As a
man, I am looking for defined requirements that determine my value and worth to
my community.
Women, on the other hand, look at the quality of the community and
how all can benefit from it. Two sides
of the same coin. Where men draw lines
and segregate based on contribution, women break down barriers and seek to
direct contribution to care for all.
Consider when a child is hurt, he will seek his mother. This is probably driven by the fact that men require that the individual is complete, ready to contribute to the group. Women, on the other hand, seek to heal the individual with what the group has to offer. Each has the intent of strengthening the group from separate angles.
If a man's role is to define his family's space by securing it from the elements and other family's, what does the mother do? We are guided that she is to nurture, which seems vague. I began to think about this in a metaphor with a garden. The husband can build a garden box, remove the weeds and ensure water is provided - but he cannot make the plants grow.
This is where actual nurturing must come, the seed must be planted, the nutrients in the soil must be maintained, and the provided water must be given in amounts that are enough to sustain between watering's without drowning the plant. All the materials provided must be combined in a way that supports the individual plant's growth.
To Nurture a Child:
As children develop and grow, they need their feelings validated and comforted, ensuring that they know that what they experience in life is real and relevant. This is the beginnings of their self image, that they are a complete person, both physical & emotional.
The mother will plant the seeds of love and security that are unconditional, teaching the child that he matters. As the child grows, he will be able to control his own emotions and learn of others love for him, but all love will be viewed through the lens of the unwavering love his mother gave him.
If his feelings are not validated, self doubt and criticism will have room to grow, stunting the ability he will have in life to face challenges. This is the same for both sons and daughters - the ability to relate and connect with other people will be determined by their ability to be reached by their mother.
To Nurture a Husband:
Often times, media shows how the all-powerful woman handles the inept man of the house like an additional child. This demeaning depiction of marriage is so widely accepted because it is rooted in truth, as all good lies are. Men are wired to evaluate themselves and others based on their contribution to the community.
The community for most men is their family and their work. Work is a conversation for another post, however. In the family, there are primarily the parents and the children. As the children are not sources of support for the parents, that leaves the husband and wife.
If the wife is open in her service to her husband, and appreciative of his accomplishments - she will become the pillar of support in his life. Granted, he needs to be hers, but that is another conversation as well. She will become the center of his focus and drive - enabling him to take the necessary risks and actions in life to succeed.
To Nurture Society:
Previously, I have mentioned that women are not as capable in earning wages just as men are not as capable in nurturing children. This ties into the inherent differences between the sexes: men seek to dominate, women seek to support.
If you look at the breakout in men and women in the workforce, you will see that women dominate fields that deal with support and sustaining people (health, education, administrative support, etc.) and fall severely behind in areas that are more physically demanding and dangerous (construction, agriculture, mining, etc.).
If you consider the basic drivers of men versus women, however, this makes sense. Men are seeking to cut out their domain in life whereas women are adding to everyone and everything. As a result of this, women gravitate to lower income jobs - this has no derogatory inference towards them, they are just not focused on expansion of income as men are.
Summary:
We have enough men in society, what we need is women that are proud to be nurturers - proud of womanhood and accept that they are inherently different than men. This does not make them less than or greater than men, it makes men dependent on women as women depend on men - to complement each other.
Without the presence of a strong woman, a home or community can function efficiently as designed - with no purpose. All that is built and designed by men is provided value and relevance by women.
